


Do or Die: The Sorcerer's Stone

by storiesbyaa



Series: Do or Die [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-15
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-02-04 20:10:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 41,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1791703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesbyaa/pseuds/storiesbyaa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Golden Trio from 1997 send the Harry Potter series to The Burrow during the weeks before the 1994 Quidditch World Cup, care of Potter house-elf Lulu. Reading the books could not only secure the freedom of Sirius Black, but save the lives of those in the room. Will the mission succeed?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Harry Potter dreaded spending the summer holidays with his aunt and uncle at Number Four Privet Drive, and often spent the majority of time in his room writing letters to his friends from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. Or, in the case of the present moment, to his recently discovered godfather, Sirius Black:  
Dear Sirius  
Thanks for you letter and for sending me the Firebolt. I actually got your letter on the Express, so no; I hadn't reached the Dursleys yet. I'm there now, and yes, I'm fine. My aunt and uncle are too busy comforting Dudley about his new diet to bother with me much, and I rather like it that way. I know you cant tell me where you are, but I hope you're doing all right.  
Say hello to Buckbeak for me!  
—Harry  
PS Crookshanks didn't try to mutilate the owl you sent for Ron. He's taking this as a good sign.  
The thirteen-going-on-fourteen-year-old wizard signed his name with a flourish of his quill, and called for his owl, Hedwig, who had spent the morning swooping in and out of Harry's open window. The fact that his magic-hating relatives had allowed even that much could only be attributed to a moment of brilliant thinking.  
At the beginning of summer holidays, Harry had "let slip" that had Sirius spent twelve years in the wizard prison, Azkaban, and was likely to check up on him now and again. The Dursleys had been horrified, and Aunt Petunia had nearly collapsed with the effort of supporting her massive son when he fainted. Dudley's last encounter with the Wizarding world (namely a half-giant called Hagrid) had not gone well at all.  
Hedwig swooped in, and landed on top of Harry's desk, her amber eyes flickering to him as he laughed at the memory. "Hey," he chuckled, getting up to stroke her feathers. "Fancy taking this letter to Sirius for me?" He tied the note to her leg. Hedwig hooted softly, and gave him an affectionate nip before making her exit.  
What a shock it would be to the Dursleys when he left five whole weeks ahead of schedule to enjoy one of the biggest events to hit Wizarding Britain: The Quidditch World Cup. What excuse would they make to the neighbors? They'd probably tell them that St. Brutus's Secure Center for Incurably Criminal Boys (the school cooked up to explain Harry's long-term absences) was having a summer boot camp to whip any of the exceptional miscreants into shape.  
Then again, he doubted they would bother to make an excuse for him at all, because Harry and his relatives had one thing in common: An intense mutual loathing.  
He had supposed, before he met the Weasleys that that was the way all families treated each other. But Molly Weasley was the polar opposite of Aunt Petunia and Harry was glad for it.  
Very glad for it, he amended when Aunt Petunia's shrill voice cut across his thoughts.  
"Well, get down here!" Petunia shrieked again.  
"I'm coming, I'm coming!" he grumbled getting off the unmade bed. His pace was deliberately slow as he made for the landing.  
"Did I tell you to take your time?" Petunia growled, when he finally reached the bottom.  
Harry shrugged not taking the bait. "You wanted something?"  
She sniffed. "I suppose you could say that."  
Harry waited, "Yes?"  
"Well, you certainly aren't going to laze around the house all summer, so I've come up with something for you to do."  
"All right?" said Harry, a feeling of curious dread in the pit of his stomach.  
"Don't interrupt!" his aunt snapped. "You're going to help that old bat Figg clean her house, and weed her garden, and whatever else she needs you to do. Lord knows the entire dump needs sorting out."  
Harry hid his snort. As if his aunt knew anything about cleaning when Harry had essentially been the family's maid.  
Merlin if Sirius found that out. He almost shivered on his relatives' behalf.  
Almost.  
"Well, go on," Petunia snapped, shaking him out of the daze. "Get out of here!"  
Harry was only too happy to do so.  
Elderly Mrs. Figg stepped into his line of vision as he came up her driveway. She hadn't babysat him in years, and her face was more lined with age, but Harry recognized her immediately by the cat hairs on her clothing.  
"Good, you're here, come in, Harry." Her voice was rushed but not unpleasant as she led him through the foyer and into the dining room.  
."Where do you want to start?"  
Arabella Figg gave him a small smile, "Oh, you didn't really think we were cleaning this place, did you?"  
"We're not?"  
"Come, Harry I had to say something suitable, or that miserable aunt of yours wouldn't let you out. And it's immensely important that you go."  
"Why is it so important?"  
"I can't tell you that now, you will have to ask Albus. He will explain far better than I could."  
"Albus?" Harry repeated. "How do you know Dumble—?"  
"A story for a later time. For now we have to hurry." She took a flowerpot off of her table and Harry saw that it was not filled with soil but—  
"Mrs. Figg, is that Floo powder?"  
She nodded briskly. "Normally, it is against Wizarding law to connect a Muggle fireplace to the Floo network, but Arthur has connections in the Ministry. I assume you've travelled this way before?"  
"Um yes," said Harry. "Not very successfully. Where are we going?"  
"The Burrow," Mrs. Figg hollering stepping into the green flames and disappearing.  
Harry followed, becoming more and more confused  
XXX  
Sirius Black stumped down the stairs and into the kitchen of his family's ancestral home, feeling thoroughly disgruntled. And why wouldn't he be? The person who was truly responsible for the death of Sirius's best friend, James and James's wife, Lily had escaped, leaving Sirius who was innocent of their murders, to live his life on the run. As far as Sirius knew, his best mate's in-laws were bullying his godson (the only person who kept him sane during those miserable years in Azkaban) at this very moment and there was absolutely nothing Sirius could do about it  
"Probably thinks I bloody abandoned him," Sirius muttered thinking of the promise he had made Harry when the first met. It was truly his greatest wish that Harry come to live with him in Grimmauld Place. He had had every intention of keeping his word, and would have if Peter hadn't transformed into the bloody rat he was.  
Sirius laid his head on his hands preparing for another long, lonely day. Well, not altogether lonely, he amended as the mutterings of Walburga Black's dear demented house-elf reached his ears—but Kreacher wasn't the most pleasant of company.  
"The ungrateful brat is back in the House he betrayed. Oh, what would my poor Mistress think…what would she say to old Kreacher. It was with ill grace that he placed a bowl of porridge in front of Sirius, who didn't bother to thank him.  
"Godric knows I'm not here willingly," he mumbled. "Blasted Dumbledore!"  
"I guess I already have the answer to my 'how are you doing' question," came a voice that was far too cheerful for Sirius's liking.  
"What d'ya want?" he grumbled without looking up.  
"Wotcher, cousin," a young pink-haired woman laughed stepping out of the kitchen fireplace. (“As filthy as her Mud-blood father")  
"Shut up, Kreacher, before I strangle you!" Sirius was about to make good on the threat, but before he stubbed his toe on the table leg. Not that it mattered because the house-elf had already gone.  
"Merlin, Nymphie, what are you doing here?"  
Nymphadora Tonks grimaced, "Don't call me Nymphie, Sirius! I've been Tonks since I was ten-years-old. Honestly, can you imagine an Auror named Nymphie?"  
"You're an Auror now?" Sirius asked. He was pretty sure his paranoid coot of a father had made it so none of the Ministry would be able to get into Grimmauld Place.  
Tonks nodded. "Just qualified a month ago."  
"Figures they'd send my bloody cousin to arrest me, even if she is a rookie! How did you get in here anyway? You're mother was disowned!"  
A shadow of hurt came over the woman's face. "Sirius, I'm not here to arrest you. I'm here to help you."  
He sighed. "Nymph—Tonks, it would take a bloody miracle for a blind fool like Fudge to believe I'm innocent."  
“We've got one!" she grinned. "Dumbledore's found books in his office. There are seven books, one for each of your godson's years at Hogwarts."  
"My godson," Sirius mused. " But Harry's only thirteen. So some of these books…there from the future, are they?"  
"Seems like it," Tonks shrugged. " One of them is called Book Five "  
Sirius paled. "That's bound to mean another war."  
"If there is, I bet the information in these future books will help us, and Dumbledore has persuaded Fudge to reconsider your fugitive status based on the evidence they present." Sirius did not smile.  
He couldn't bring himself to hope Fudge would believe that easily, no matter what a bloody book said. Tonks seemed to sense this, because she said,  
"He insisted on sending a Ministry official to hear the reading, so I volunteered. We're reading at Arthur Weasley's place, Sirius where are you going?"  
He returned panting and clutching something in his hand. "I had to dig this up, a two way mirror. I have the other one so if Harry's there we'll be to talk to one another."  
"Wicked!" Tonks breathed as she grabbed some Floo Powder. "Oh, and Sirius?"  
"Yeah?”  
"Don't do anything rash."  
XXX  
Arthur Weasley was reciting the same explanation to the crowd assembled at The Burrow, which consisted of not only Harry and Mrs. Figg but also Mrs. Weasley, the twins, Ron, and Ginny along with Hermione, Remus Lupin, Minerva McGonagall and Albus Dumbledore  
"So, these books," Harry stammered. "Are about me…my life?"  
Dumbledore smiled. "Yes, my dear boy, it appears that way."  
"N—n—no. We’re not reading them!"  
"Harry?" Remus raised his eyebrows in concern. "What's the matter?"  
"Well, it's a bit weird reading a book about your own life, isn't it?" mused Fred, with a reassuring smile in Harry's direction. "On the other hand, we didn't know you very well your first year."  
"Or your second…" added George.  
"So this should be interesting," the twins finished together.  
"I quite agree," said Remus, rifling through the stack of books on the kitchen table.  
"What do we know about these books anyway?" Harry pressed "For all we know they could be cursed or…or something!"  
Ginny stumbled over her own feet thinking of the diary, or perhaps she had stumbled over Tonks who grabbed folds of the younger girl's robe to prevent her own tripping as she stepped out of the Weasleys grate. "Sorry bout that," she chirped getting to her feet. "And sorry I'm late," she added to Dumbledore.  
"Quite all right," he replied nodded to her. "To answer your question, I have performed a series of Dark Detection spells, and can assure all of you that the books hold no curse. But if you need more assurance, Harry, we do have an Auror in our midst. "  
"That um won't be necessary, sir."  
"So this is Harry," Tonks moved forward to shake his hand. "Wotcher."  
"Um, hello."  
"Don't worry," Remus said chuckling slightly, "Tonks’ mum is Sirius's cousin Andromeda and she can—in her capacity as an Auror—give evidence to free him."  
"That's good," Harry sighed. "I've been worried about Sirius a lot."  
"You don't need to worry about me, pup," came his godfather's voice.  
Several in the room jumped.  
"Brilliant!" breathed Remus looking at the mirror in Tonks' hand, and then noticing Harry's confusion he added, "Your dad and Sirius invented those at Hogwarts."  
"So we could talk during separate detentions,” Sirius explained.  
McGonagall huffed, but Dumbledore's eyes were twinkling. "That is an ingenious bit of magic, Mr. Black. Would you like to begin our reading, Arabella?"


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 1 read by Arabella Figg

Mrs. Figg grimaced. "Why me? I lived near the Muggles I don't need to read about them!"  
"I have a feeling you will be the least shocked of all us," said Remus. "Besides Harry, that is."  
Mrs. Figg cleared his throat. Book One Chapter One  
….  
"Oh, yes!" Hermione snapped. "Practically perfect in every way!"  
Harry and Remus suppressed snorts while the Purebloods looked on confused. "Mary Poppins is a character from a Muggle movie," Remus explained. "I don't think you've heard of it. "  
….  
"No imagination!" Tonks huffed.  
Harry grinned at his godfather's cousin. "I think we soon establish that my relatives don't have any."  
"That requires a functioning brain!" Sirius pointed out through the mirror  
Remus sighed. A moody Sirius made a very long book. "Continue, Arabella,"  
…  
"The things these Muggles think of," sighed Arthur Weasley.  
Hermione looked thoughtful. "Did you ever take Muggle Studies, you would've liked it."  
…  
Harry snorted. Everything about his uncle was large.  
…  
"If only she used it to keep an eye on that atrocious son of hers!" snapped Mrs. Figg.  
"When do we learn about your cousin, mate?" Ron asked.  
…  
"Oh. " He turned to the twins who were grinning. "What are you two on about?"  
"We're just thinking of all the ways…"started George  
"…he must have been made fun of as a kid…  
"With a name like Dudley!" they finished together.  
Mrs. Figg was the only one who didn't chuckle at their antics. She knew, after all, that it was not Dudley who had been bullied all his life but the messy-haired boy sitting across from her. She should have done something. Alerted Dumbledore. But it was in the past and now all she wanted to do was make it up to Harry.  
…  
"Since Lily's Hogwarts letter to be exact," sighed Dumbledore.  
…  
"Thank Merlin for that!" said Tonks.  
"Hear, hear," chorused the Marauders and the twins.  
…  
"You'd never met your aunt and uncle before living with them?" Mrs. Weasley asked, horrified.  
"Of course not," Sirius let out a bark-like laugh. "James and Lily wouldn't put him through that."  
"It’s as if you have a disease or something?" shrieked Ginny  
Mrs. Figg nodded sadly. "One of the kinder names they attributed to Harry, dear."  
"Dare I ask the others," Remus growled.  
…  
"Foolish," McGonagall muttered speaking for the first time.  
…  
"He could pick among them?" Tonks asked surprised. Sirius looked gratefully at her, when he heard Harry chuckle.  
…  
Fred grinned. "See, Mum, compared to this git…"  
"We're the golden children," George finished.  
"Oh this is the boy's best behavior," Figg hissed.  
….  
"These people are daft even for Muggles! "  
"Miss Tonks!" McGonagall scolded.  
"Hey, Tonks?"  
"Yeah, Harry."  
"What's your real name?"  
Sirius seemed on the verge of saying something, but Tonks was quicker. "Say anything, and I will reach through that mirror and hex you Black!"  
"Sorry, I brought it up," Harry whispered to Remus.  
"Don't worry cub," he laughed. "That may be a magic mirror, but it's still solid. There won't be able to get at each other."  
...  
"Sweet Merlin, what a ghastly brat!" snapped Hermione. There were sounds of agreement around the room.  
…  
"Bet that went over well," Ron chortled.  
…  
"That would require him to think at all, wouldn't it?" said the two Marauders together.  
The Weasley children, Harry, Hermione, and Tonks laughed  
…  
"Professor?" Harry said as understanding dawned on him.  
McGonagall gave him a nod.  
…  
"It seems you father and godfather were masters of that, Mr. Potter, otherwise my constant threats of detention would have deterred them from playing pranks." Despite her sternness she was wearing a slight smile.  
"Oi," Sirius yelled from the mirror. "What about Moony, he planned a lot of them."  
"You did?" Tonks asked amazed. She had trouble imagining the bookish ex-professor doing anything of the sort.  
"Yes," Remus laughed. "The ones that didn't land us in detention!"  
…  
"What's wrong with cloaks?" Ron wondered.  
"They aren't considered traditional in the Muggle world, " Hermione explained chuckling.  
…  
"It seems to me that this man can't bear people at all," spoke up Mr. Weasley.  
"That's really sad," sighed Ginny.  
"That's my uncle."  
…  
"Yes, let's all draw more attention to ourselves," muttered McGonagall  
…  
"Ah, yes, I believe Elphias and I were there that day." Before McGonagall could say anything Dumbledore patted her on the arm. "And considering what day it was Minerva I believe a few allowances can be made for the sake of merriment"  
The two canines growled. Merriment indeed,  
…  
"Yes, that would be it!" Sirius cried in mock triumph.  
…  
"Hey I'm a Seer."  
Harry smirked, "Truly amazing, Sirius."  
…  
"And what an interesting topic that is!" Tonks scoffed.  
"Young lady," Mrs. Figg snapped, "Between you, and your cousin I will never get this chapter done."  
Both of the chastised people sulked, Tonks's changed her hair to its original mousy brown in protest.  
…  
"Git," Ron whispered to Hermione. Figg glared at him.  
…  
"That seems to be a very frequent emotion for him, doesn't it?"  
"You've no idea, Professor…"  
"Remus, Harry. Call me Remus," the man instructed while frowning at his answer.  
…

Least we've still got Harry... This seemed to appease the wolf inside Remus whose eyes went back to their original color.  
…  
"Thank Merlin, we've had a breakthrough."  
"Harry!"  
"Yes Mrs. Weasley?" He smiled sweetly.  
…  
Harry couldn't help but gag at the prospect. Harvey and Harold?  
…  
"Sirius and I are quite happy to consider your mum our sister, Harry," Remus whispered squeezing the boy's shoulder.  
"Thanks, guys." The nodding animagus winked.  
"Oh bloody hell!" said Ginny.  
...  
"The man wasn't seriously injured, I hope?" fretted Mrs. Weasley.  
…  
"It's okay, you two," Harry comforted the saddened Marauders. "My dad would've wanted everyone to be happy. It's okay."  
…  
"Gutsy bloke, that one," quipped George in an effort to lighten the mood. Tonks smiled at him.  
…  
"Could you demonstrate, Professor?"  
"You've probably seen it many times Frederick," his mother snapped.  
…  
Hermione raised her eyebrows, giggling.  
…  
"How lovely," snapped Tonks.  
…  
"Was that supposed to be a joke?" asked Sirius.  
…  
"Her crowd!" came several shouts.  
"Yes curse Lily for being the brightest witch in her year." Remus snarled.  
"Rather modest of you, Remus." Dumbledore's eyes were twinkling. "You and Miss Evans were equally intelligent.”  
The werewolf blushed.  
…  
"Harry's a nice name!" Ginny spoke up. "Loads better than Dudley!"  
…  
"Unfortunately, he's wrong," Remus sighed  
…  
"I wish he weren't."  
"Oh Harry," Hermione said sadly.  
…  
"What going on?"  
"Let the woman read, and you'll find out, Ronald!"  
…  
"Take a bow, take a bow!" the twins chanted.  
"Boys!" Molly scolded. "Oh, Albus, I hope you aren't doing what I think you're doing!"  
McGonagall and the Marauders scowled at him.  
…  
"I did indeed."  
…  
"Where did you think I was that whole day, Albus?" asked McGonagall, her eyes narrowing. "Out for a stroll?"  
"I find strolls can be rather leisurely," Dumbledore replied, ignoring the dig.  
…  
Mrs. Figg looked from the book to the Transfiguration professor and back again. "A very accurate description Harry."  
The teen paled. "Mrs. Figg, I didn't write this."  
…  
"Well, I imagine you were rather stiff at this point," Tonks mused. "I would be, anyway."  
…  
"See!"  
"No one doubted you, Tonks," laughed Ron  
…  
Fred and George grinned.  
"Do. Not. Comment," Molly snarled.  
…  
"Well, Dedalus should know better." Mrs. Weasley snapped. "Could've exposed the lot of us. "  
"I meant him, you know," said Harry remembering suddenly. "At the Leaky Cauldron, the first time I went to Diagon Alley."  
"Who did take you to Diagon the first time?" inquired Sirius his spirits rising.  
"Not telling," Harry teased. He stuck out his tongue at his godfather, who had begun to pout.  
…  
"Seemed much longer," said Arthur.  
…  
"Rumors about me," Harry muttered under his breath, quickly lowering his eyes when Ron and Hermione looked his way. He didn't need their pity.  
…  
"You know something we don't, Dumbledore?" Sirius accused the man, on whose orders he was confined in his wretched childhood home.  
"Sirius…" Remus warned rubbing his temples. A foul Sirius was about as pleasant as a Blast-Ended Skrewt.  
"I never presume to know more than others Sirius," Dumbledore replied calmly.  
The animagus did not respond which Mrs. Figg took as her cue to keep reading.  
…  
Harry looked at the mirror, and Sirius smiled back unclenching his fists.  
“Me too, pup, me too.”  
…  
The book nearly fell out of Mrs. Figg's hand, as she shivered. McGonagall and the Weasleys winced.  
…  
"I know you haven't, Albus!"  
…  
Dumbledore inclined his head.  
….  
"Bit too much information," Tonks giggled.  
…  
There was a moment of silence as everyone bowed their heads in remembrance. Remus who seemed to sense how badly Sirius wanted to psychically be there for Harry, mussed the teen's hair himself.  
…  
"Petal," whispered Sirius fondly.  
"Huh?"  
"Your dad's nickname for your mum," he answered.  
…  
"What's Hagrid doing there?" asked Ron  
…  
"You will NOT," snarled Remus, "leave Harry with that that cow!"  
"I had my reasons." Dumbledore defended, half-heartedly  
"The number of times Lily cried on our shoulders about that woman!" cried Sirius.  
"He was safe there..."  
"He would've been safe with ME!"  
"You were in Azkaban…."  
"Moony then. Or Molly and Arthur."  
"We would certainly have taken him in a heartbeat…"  
He would've grown up with boys his own age!" Remus continued. "Ron and Fred and George!"  
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Harry shouted startling them all. "We could argue about where I might've grown up all day long, but it won't do us any good! So STOP IT!" Exhausted he plopped back down between Ron and Hermione and for a minute everyone was too startled to say anything.  
"Thank you, Harry," said Dumbledore quietly.  
…  
Let's read, shall we?" suggested Arthur. "We can have this discussion later."  
"You can bet we will!" Sirius hissed. "As soon as I'm out of this place!"

…  
"Thank you, Minerva, for at least trying to talk sense into him." Molly Weasley huffed. Hermione and Tonks nodded their heads in agreement.  
"I ought to have tried harder."  
…  
"A letter?" Molly gasped.  
"Well, Mum, I doubt Harry's aunt is pleasant to look at," Fred reasoned, trying to lighten the mood  
"She's not," Harry and Marauders confirmed.  
"So you can't blame the man for…"  
"I most certainly can!"  
"I appreciate the effort boys," Dumbledore sighed.  
…  
"Listen to her, for Merlin's sake?" This was the recently silent Tonks.  
…  
"Don't worry, kiddo, " Remus laughed. "It didn't happen."  
"But it's a good idea." George stroked his chin.  
Ginny smacked her brother other the head,  
…  
"You just had to predict that?" Harry groaned.  
"Which part?" asked Tonks cheerfully "The books or the fame?"  
"Both!"  
….  
Harry shuddered at the thought of the vividly horrible dreams he had had as a child.  
…  
"Well Hagrid has been known to keep odd things in his clock hasn't he?" Ron pondered.  
"Wonder what strangest thing he had in there was," said Ginny curiously.  
The trio gulped.  
"Did we miss something?" George inquired.  
"Should be in the book."  
…  
"And I still would."  
"Maybe you should be more careful about that," fretted Molly. "I'm not saying his heart isn't in the right place but Hagrid can be quite careless sometimes."  
…  
Molly nodded as if validated.  
…  
"I think I know," said Sirius smiling.  
…  
"I loved that thing!"  
Remus sighed, "You still had that menace of a bike? And Harry rode on it." He could just imagine Lily Potter turning in her grave.  
…  
"Harry," Remus whispered faintly.  
The teen reached behind Hermione to pat his honorary uncle on the shoulder. "I'm right here."  
…  
"Do you think we could…"  
"Take it for a spin, Sirius?" Harry smirked fondly, remembering the twins' experiences with flying vehicles.  
"Sorry boys, but I never got it back."  
"Such a shame," Molly huffed sarcastically.  
….  
Harry held up his hands in defense. "Again, I didn't write this."  
…  
"Aw." All the women cooed causing the Harry to turn a bright shade of red.  
"That's probably the first time you ever slept," Remus mused. "You never wanted to miss a thing when you were little."  
…  
"Potter hair!" Sirius cheered.  
…  
"Could you?" Harry asked hopefully.  
"I cannot." Albus answered. "The mark of a Dark curse is permanent."  
…  
Several in the room (and in Sirius' case outside it) snorted.  
…  
The Marauders sighed. Must they always be reminded of what happened to their fallen friends?  
…  
"Not particularly comforting," said Hermione.  
…  
"What in Godric's name is wrong with you?" hollered Molly Weasley.  
She looked more livid than her children would've thought possible (which was a feat in itself) it was Sirius who was quivering with rage. "A doorstep!" he seethed. "You left my godson on a BLOODY DOORSTEP DUMBLEDORE?"  
"And you Minerva," Remus hissed in a deadly voice. "You sat back and allowed it."  
McGonagall ducked her head,  
….  
"No business!" Remus scoffed. "You had no business there in the first place. And neither did Harry."  
Molly Weasley looked on the verge of sobbing. "He was just a little boy Albus."  
…  
"I should've been taking you away on that very bike," Sirius muttered more to himself than to Harry,  
…  
"You should've done more than wished him good luck!"  
…  
"And let me assure you, she has lungs." Figg shivered. "You could hear the woman down in Magnolia Crescent."  
"We can imagine."  
…  
"Well that's the end of the chapter," Mrs. Figg announced closing the book with a snap.  
No one moved to take it. Everyone was either glaring at the headmaster or shooting sympathetic looks in Harry's direction. After a few uncomfortable minutes Tonks cleared her throat.


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tonks reads Chapter two

"Chapter two is called Chapter Two" Tonks announced  
"Vanishing?" Ron sniggered.  
"That's what it says."  
"Some accidental magic, I assume?" Sirius was smirking.  
…  
"Beach balls?" Ron said, confused.  
"Wait for it." Harry said, holding in a laugh.  
…  
"And it didn't collapse under his weight?" Fred snickered.  
"Sadly, no," said Harry.  
…  
"Did you're aunt lose a bet," asked Ron. "Because I think I'd rather kiss Snape, than that cousin of yours."  
…  
"Charming woman," said George.  
…  
"Of course there had," laughed Sirius, jabbing a finger at his own chest.  
…  
"Such a lovely dream, too," sighed Harry.  
…  
"They. Made. You. Cook."  
"Monosyllabic sentences mean Mum's really angry." Ron explained, though Harry had gathered that as he sat quailing under the combined glare of the Weasley women, McGonagall, Hermione and the Marauders.  
"It's okay, honestly, I think I was the best cook in the house anyway. Tonks, continue."  
…  
"Yes, how could you forget?" Fred pretended to scold.  
"Quite easily!" snapped Hermione. "Contrary to that pig's belief the world does not revolve around him!"  
Harry grinned. "Funny you mention that particular animal."  
"Harry Potter what did you do!"  
"I don't know what you're talking about, Mione."  
…  
"Sorry, mate," Harry said to a shuddering Ron.  
…  
"Can you read that again, cousin?" Sirius asked through gritted teeth. "I don't think I heard right." Tonks complied, her voice breaking.  
For the first Harry saw a hint of the wolf in Remus' usually kind features. "They made you sleep in a in a…"  
"Cupboard," Harry supplied. He sighed waiting for the explosion that was sure to come.  
""Why those filthy—" Sirius muttered a string of the worst curses he could think of, but none seemed bad enough.  
"It's in the past, you guys. It doesn't matter."  
"It most certainly does, Mr. Potter," said McGonagall sternly. Her nostrils flared as she turned her gaze on Dumbledore and Figg. "Did either of you know about this?"  
Figg sighed. "I informed Albus, yes."  
If looks could kill Dumbledore would've been in his grave that very moment.  
"So you did know!" hissed the werewolf.  
"And you did nothing!" shrieked Tonks and Molly glaring at the aging man.  
"Albus, I will curse you within an inch of your life when I get out of the godforsaken house!"  
"Harry," Hermione whispered and everyone quieted to watch him closely. "Why is it you never told us?"  
Harry shook his head refusing to meet a single eye. "Can we just get back to the reading?" he begged. "Please?"  
Remus and Sirius seemed to be having a silence conference. "For the moment yes," Remus decided. "But this discussion is far from finished."  
…  
"Spoiled," the twins 'coughed'  
"It all Petunia," Mrs. Figg sighed. "The way she pampers and coddles that child!"  
…  
I owe more than a few lovely injuries to that bike," Mrs. Figg grumbled.  
"Yeah, I apologize for Dud on that."  
"Thank you, Harry dear. At least one of you has manners."  
…   
"Disgusting child! " McGonagall hissed.  
"That somebody better not be you, Harry," said Remus firmly.  
…  
"There's that at least," Tonks noted, trying to keep the atmosphere cheerful without much success.  
…  
"Half-starved is more like it!" snapped Hermione.  
"You're quite small, Harry," Molly fretted.  
"But he's right quick, Mum," said George helpfully.  
"An amazing Seeker," Fred added.  
"James would been so proud of you," Sirius beamed.  
…  
"James," said Sirius fondly.  
…  
Remus caught Harry's eye and smiled, "Lily."  
…  
"I'd just love to hit that prat with a Bat-Bogey Hex," Ginny growled.  
"I'll add it to the list," remarked Sirius and for a minute he ducked out of the mirror's frame.  
"List," Remus said warily. "What list would that be?"  
"All the things I'm going to do to those rotten Dursleys when I get my hands on 'em!" Sirius explained as he reappeared. "Good idea, Ginny, thanks."  
"Glad to help," The redhead smiled.  
"It does sound like a good idea. Perhaps we should make a little list of our own, eh, Forge?"  
"Way ahead of you, Gred" The twins rushed away, and came back with a blank roll of parchment and a quill. "Anyone who'd like to contribute?"  
"Merlin help you if there is anything illegal on that list," Molly threatened, fixing her sons with a look.  
...   
"You liked that thing?" asked Ron his eyebrows shooting to his hairline.  
"Well honestly, Ronald, he didn't know what it symbolized," Hermione scoffed.  
"I just thought it made me unique," Harry confirmed,  
…  
There were several growls around the room, and Sirius began to swear in several languages. “Car crash… Muggles…get them…”  
…  
"Mione's world is coming to an end," Harry joked grinning at the scandalized-looking witch.  
…  
"When 'good morning' would do just fine," grumbled Ginny.  
…  
"He should really get some new material," chuckled Harry.  
…  
"All over the place," said Sirius nodding,  
…  
"I'm a—"  
"Seer, we know!" the room groaned.  
Sirius pouted.  
…  
"What a lovely Christmas card," snorted Tonks  
…  
"Merlin, pup, I did not need that picture in my head!" Sirius clutched his side.  
Arabella Figg shook her head. "I really hope you never said that out loud Harry."  
…  
"Because of your cousin's gigantic a—I mean self," said Ron shifting under his mother's glare.  
…  
"Mummy didn't buy me the whole shopping mall," whined Remus.  
"Remus Lupin, that was…" But Arabella couldn't bring herself to scold him. "Disturbingly accurate," she finished lamely.  
"Yeah good one," agreed Harry laughing.  
…  
"Why would he do that, and waste perfectly delicious food?"  
"Ron, you and your stomach!" Hermione sighed, but Sirius was in full agreement with the younger boy.  
"Pup, get out of there before you loose that poor bacon."  
…  
"Popkin?" the Weasleys snickered.  
…  
"He's a child!" growled Mrs. Figg contemptuously. "The boy should be thankful for what gets!"  
"Hear, hear," chorused Tonks, McGonagall, Molly and Hermione.  
…  
More sniggers around the room.  
…  
"He finds his son's greed amusing," Mr. Weasley snarled. It was the first time Harry had seen the mild-mannered man loose his temper.  
"All of which lasted about a month," Harry informed them.  
…  
Tonks winced sympathetically. "What happened?"  
"Mr. Paws was on the stairs," the old lady replied. as though that explained everything.  
"Her cat," mouthed Harry. Sirius pulled a face.  
…  
"They do realize you have a name, right?"  
"Gin, we've been over this," Ron reminded her.  
"Doesn't mean I have to like it!"  
…  
"Sorry, Mrs. Figg," Harry murmured. He truly did feel bad.  
…  
"Mad?" Mrs. Figg said  
"Sorry," Harry said again, but the lady was laughing.  
…  
"She clearly doesn't know you." Hermione giggled."  
"Oi, I have good plans!"  
…  
"It was actually my husband who was fond of them,"  
…  
Ron's mouth fell open, "That's the one you…" he laughed.  
Mrs. Figg raised her eyebrow. "Ah, things are beginning to make more sense."  
"See, I have good plans." Harry defended.  
"Nope, that's not so much a plan, as your temper," countered Hermione.  
"You gave an old lady quite the scare that summer, Harry."  
"Not that Marge didn't deserve it, mind," Ron added quickly as he, Figg, and Hermione received what Sirius called 'the Evans death glare' "I probably would've cursed her too."  
"We'll prank her for you," offered the twins but Harry's lips twitched only slightly.  
"May I?" Remus whispered tapping Hermione on the shoulder. The witch nodded sighing slightly, as they exchanged seats,  
"Tonks," Remus prompted from his place next to Harry.  
….  
"Now they would know nasty, wouldn't they?" Sirius chuckled, trying to cheer his godson up.  
…  
"Oh now Harry, we can't let you have fun can we?" Fred asked.  
…  
"So her normal expression, then," said Ron, remembering how she had looked at Harry's window two summers ago.  
…  
""You shouldn't have told her you wouldn't do it," said Tonks, winking,  
…  
"Your nephew is not a dog," Molly growled.  
"She didn't mean it like that," Harry said quickly. "Aunt Petunia hates animals."  
…  
"An awful name for an awful brat," clucked Figg. Molly nodded from her left.  
"I don't know I think it suits him fine," laughed Remus.  
…  
"Do work on your acting," McGonagall scoffed.  
…  
"He looks like a rat," scowled Ron. “Wonderful  
"Oh, bloody perfect," Sirius seethed. "Kreacher, make yourself useful, and get me some damn breakables."  
"Yes, Master," came a croak.  
"Is that a house-elf?" Harry asked.  
"Unfortunately," muttered his godfather.  
"You can't possibly remember Lulu?" Remus gasped.  
"Lulu?"  
"The head Potter elf," said Sirius.  
Harry breathed a sigh of relief. He had almost ruined the second book. "No, I don't. But we're in the kitchens a lot at Hogwarts. Well Ron is anyways."  
"Oi."  
"That is not allowed, Mr. Weasley," McGonagall frowned.  
"I don't know about you, Minerva, but I'm employing selective hearing during these readings," replied Dumbledore his eyes twinkling.  
…  
“Now he stops crying," snapped Ginny and Remus.   
…  
"That git wouldn't know funny if he saw it starkers," Fred grumbled.  
"Funny business son," supplied Arthur when everyone was done laughing. "I think he means accidental magic."  
Harry nodded.  
…  
"Didn't happen!" Harry said quickly.  
"He still threatened you," Sirius murmured, and Harry once again saw him duck to write on the parchment.  
"Whatever you're planning, I want in," Remus snarled.  
"Us too", added, Ginny, Ron, Fred, George Hermione and Tonks  
…  
"That git won't believe you."  
…  
"Told you."  
"Don't you have the book in your hand, Tonks?" Ron snickered.  
"You better be nice to me, little Weasley," Tonks smirked. "I used to help Charlie babysit you, so I have plenty of stories."  
"We could fry an egg on your face right now, mate," Harry laughed, ducking Ron's arm.  
"She's bluffing," he grunted  
"Oh am I? " sang Tonks. "There was the time when you were five…"  
"I remember that!" yelled George. "It was hilarious!"  
"Can we get back to Harry," Ron groaned annoyed.  
"No, Hermione and I are enjoying this."  
"Then you'll just love some of the stories Remus and I have about you."  
“One second thought, back to the book.”  
…  
“Petunia's sister was a witch, for Merlin's sake," snapped Molly. “She would know what was happening  
Harry smirked. "The thing is, my aunt can be more oblivious then Sirius over here."  
"Oi."  
Harry stuck out his tongue. "Payback is sweet!"  
"Poke my dear godson for me, Remus."  
…  
The reminder of the state of Harry’s clothes was greeted with several growls. Ron and Ginny gripped their wands.  
…  
"Were there any Metamorphs in James's family?" Tonks interrupted herself.  
"I don't think so," Remus replied. "And Lily was Muggle-born."  
"What's a Metamorph?" asked Harry.  
"A wizard who can change their appearance at will." Tonks screwed up her face so that she was the double of the redhead next to her.  
"Cool," breathed Ginny, "Always wanted a sister,"  
…  
The girls wrinkled their noses, while Hermione said, "That sweater is revolting.”  
…  
"Good!" sighed McGonagall her hand at her chest.  
…  
"You flew!" Sirius shouted.  
"AWESOME," yelled the twins.  
"That's some powerful magic, Harry," Remus grinned.  
"I didn't know what I was doing at the time." Harry pointed out.  
"How old were you," inquired Hermione.  
"Seven or eight." Harry shrugged.  
…  
"Let's work on your excuses, shall we?" teased Remus.  
"Mr. Lupin," McGonagall scolded. "You, a former professor, should not be teaching Harry how to lie!"  
"Well you did say 'former' professor," Tonks pointed out, getting back to the story.  
…  
“As the Muggles say, ‘Famous last words’” quoted Arabella.  
…  
"Yeah, go have some fun, Harry," George smiled.  
…  
"Of course his own son's many faults are missing from that list," Mrs. Figg spat.  
"Dud has no faults in their eyes."  
"They are clearly blind, dear."  
…  
"So your aunt hates animals, your uncle hates motorcycles…."  
"And neither of them of them are fans of convicts," Harry grinned, catching on.  
"Broody Harry can smile," gasped George while Sirius did a happy dance.  
…  
"Don't finish that sentence Harry," Hermione wailed.  
…  
"Do either of you ever listen to me? No!"  
"Sorry," Harry and Ron said in unison.  
The twins smirked.  
….  
"Looks like I'll be having the last laugh," said Sirius enthusiastically.  
"Please do it," begged Harry, Ron and the twins. Neither Hermione nor Ginny attempted to quiet them.  
…  
"That's ridiculous," shouted Ginny, "They are your family, for the love of Merlin! You should be free to say anything to them without being judged!"  
"Ah, who needs 'em," Fred grinned. "Harry's got all of us anyways."  
…  
"Cartoon—an animated television show used for the entertainment of Muggle children." Hermione added for the Mr. Weasley's benefit.   
"Hermione Granger, human dictionary," Harry quipped, getting a dishtowel thrown at him.  
…  
"Given from the bottom of their hearts, I'm sure."  
Harry blinked. He never knew his old neighbor had such a biting wit. Truthfully, he had never had a very lengthy conversation with Mrs. Figg. She had always seemed indifferent to him.  
…  
Everyone began to laugh, Sirius loudest of all. He seemed to have lost his ability to form coherent words.  
"Breathe, Sirius!" Harry commanded. "I can't understand you."  
"I said 'j—just like your fat—father'", the animagus chuckled wiping away a stray tear.  
"Really?"  
Remus nodded beaming.   
….  
"Someone should get those boys a proper hobby!"  
…  
"That was suspiciously nice," observed Remus dryly.  
"Doesn't last long," Harry muttered.  
….  
Sirius let out a bark of laughter. "Big snake, huh? Which of our darling cousins was that, Tonks?"  
"It doesn't say. Several come to mind, don't they?"  
…  
"Take your own advice, you fat whale!" Ginny snarled ignoring her mother's glare. “Some exercise would do you good.”  
…  
"And you're brilliant at making conservation aren't you, Duddy?" Fred snorted.  
Harry thought for a minute. “I’m pretty the snake found him boring too."  
…  
"Only you would sympathize with a snake, mate," said Ron.  
"Yeah, noble git you are,"  
"Or mental," George agreed with his twin.  
"The noblest of us are, Mr. Weasley," replied Dumbledore sagely. Harry eyed his mumbling godfather warily.  
…  
"That—that's not possible," gasped Molly. “Snakes don’t wink.”  
"I don't know, Mum, I'm starting to question impossible after being around this bloke."  
Harry mock-glared at him. "Thank you so much, best mate."  
"Not a problem." Ron grinned.  
…  
"Ooh-kay," Ginny drawled rolling her eyes. "Something strange is going on here."

….   
Tonks's eyes bulged as she looked from Harry, to the book and back again.  
Harry clamped his eyes shut, and rubbed his temples furiously. "This is where I learned I was a Parselmouth."  
"Cub, listen at me," whispered Remus. "It doesn't matter."  
Ron gripped his shoulder. "He's right mate. And at least nobody heard you this time."  
"Ronald!"  
"Oh, right…next book."  
"The point," Sirius cut across the bickering pair, "is we don't care. Not one of us cares if you have a hissy little problem."  
Remus groaned. "New puns are useful every once in a while." Tonks began reading before a second row could break out.  
…  
"Oh, brilliant, Git Two is coming." Tonks snarled.  
"Can't Harry have one civilized conservation?" sighed Hermione  
"I'm the only one in the family who can."  
…  
"That child!" Molly hissed.  
….  
"That buffoon could've caused you to hit your head," grumbled Mrs. Figg. "Were you having double vision?"  
"I was fine."  
…  
"Serves 'em right!"  
…  
The twins sat on the edge of the seats cheering.  
…  
"Bless them, it must have been frightening," sympathized Arthur.  
…  
"Wonder if he ever made it," Harry mused.  
…  
"This bloke made it disappear,” Ron explained.  
…  
"I thought Piers was going to wet himself," Harry laughed at the memory.  
"Well done Senhor Snake," the twins chorused.  
"Senhor?"  
"It's Brazilian right?"  
…  
"Dramatic," Remus sang in a falsetto.   
…  
"That really isn't good." Hermione groaned. “Your uncle’s going to…”  
Tonks read on before she could finish.  
…  
"That's why you eat so much at the feast, mate," laughed Ron.  
"Hark, who's talking?" smirked Ginny.  
"Saints alive, Harry, why didn't you tell me they were starving you? I was living across the street from that reason."  
"What?" Harry nearly shouted.  
"Dear Mrs. Figg is a very good friend of mine," Dumbledore explained. "She is also a Squib."  
"I was placed near Privet Drive to watch over you. I only wish I could've been kinder without raising your nosy aunt's suspicion. I'm sorry for that."  
Harry just gaped, trying to digest the new information. "That's, that's all right," he managed.  
"Thank you, Arabella," added Sirius. Remus nodded.  
…  
"Which I would normally encourage, but to have to do it, " Sirius trailed off.  
…  
"There was no crash, pup. Your parents, they died like heroes."  
…  
"No photographs! That is an absolute insult!" huffed McGonagall.  
…  
Molly Weasley looked repentant.  
…  
"They aren’t your only family."  
…  
"Very observant," Tonks snorted.  
…  
"Mr. Diggle again," Dumbledore smiled.  
….  
"Of course he didn't, idiot!"  
…  
"They must have scared you, Harry, dear."  
"Actually I thought I was crazy," Harry answered Mrs. Weasley  
…  
"We'll disagree with 'em," several people growled.

,


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ginny reads chapter three

"I'll read," remarked Ginny, reaching for the book.

 **Chapter Three** Ginny read, giving the subject of the novel a searching look. "Does that mean Hogwarts?" she asked.

 "Read, and find out."

**…**

"That is not an exaggeration," Arabella sighed. "I was beginning to get quite worried when I hadn't seen you, dear."

**…**

"SUMMER HOLIDAYS!" shouted Mrs. Weasley, pointing her wand threateningly at Dumbledore.

**…**

McGonagall patted Arabella on the arm.

**…**

"Congratulations, that’s quite an award" applauded Fred. Harry laughed.

**…**

"Anyone want to go on a Dudley hunt?" Sirius growled.

"We'll do it next full moon!" snarled Remus, putting an arm around his honorary nephew, who tried not to shrink away at the man's tone.

**…**

"Hogwarts," Sirius and Remus cheered.

**…**

"Hilarious," Ron snarled. “Brilliant sense of humor he has.”

**…**

"There is no danger of that happening, Harry," George assured the boy as he picked himself up from the floor, where Fred, Ron, Remus, Tonks, and Ginny were still rolling around in hysterics.

"Um, Sirius?" smirked Hermione, looking into the empty two-way.

"Still here!" The man eased himself into an upright position, clutching his side

**….**

"I've seen a visitellion," said Arthur, excited. "The use plugs, don't they, Harry?"

"Read, Ginny," instructed Molly. "Before your father really gets going."

**…**

"That is a crime against chocolate."

"Indeed, Remus," Dumbledore nodded.

**…**

"That uniform’s just hideous!"

**…**

Hermione looked thoughtful. "Well, if you think about it, we train with wands, which are essentially carved sticks of wood."

"But wands are so much cooler," whined Sirius.

…

"Correction, that _nickname’s_ hideous," giggled Tonks.

**…**

No one at the reading had such restraints. Everyone burst out laughing.

**…**

"I doubt that," laughed Remus.

**…**

Remus smiled at the boy.

**…**

"We should male a stop in Diagon Alley!" Mrs. Weasley stated. "You need clothing that fits you properly."

Tonks's hair turned a sunny blond. "Yes! A shopping trip!"

"This is where you run, pup," Sirius advised, eying his cousin dubiously.

"Yeah, nice knowing you, mate," chuckled Ron. Ginny whacked him with the book.

"Oi! You didn't hit Sirius!"

"Profess—Remus said the mirror was solid, idiot!" his sister reminded him.

"And besides, who would want to ruin my beautiful face!"

"Don't test your luck with my Ginny," Arthur replied. "She has the Prewett…" Molly glared at her husband, "…nose."

**…**

"Merlin's pants," cried Ginny. “He’s making the lump do something!”

"Next line," Harry grumbled.

**…**

"And the world is back to normal," Remus sighed.

**…**

"Do it, Dudley," Sirius threatened. "Just try, I dare you."

**…**

"Don't gawk, open it Harry!"

"Thank you so much, Professor," Harry saluted Remus, receiving a poke in the ribs.

"Never get cheeky with a Marauder, cub," Remus whispered, so that only Harry and Hermione heard him. "Not unless you are willing to take the consequences."

**…**

"Ginny used to write you all the time," George snickered, "And, come to think of it so did Ronniekins,"

Ron's ears went scarlet. "Neville said he did, and Seamus wrote too. Dean's Muggle-born so…" Ginny cleared her throat.

**…**

"Ouch, mate, that hurts."

"I didn't know you yet, Ron,"

**…**

"Relatives and a family are not necessarily the same thing, pup."

"I know that now."

…

"Wish they would've let me join the library." Hermione beamed at Harry. "It was the one place in the primary school Dudley never looked for me," he explained, warding off the offended looks from Sirius and the twins. It worked, and if the synchronized scribbling was any clue, they were now directing all fury at the Dursleys.

That was better.

"Ginny?"

**…**

Mrs. Figg, having never gotten a Hogwarts letter, was confused. "Are they all that accurate?"

"Yes," answered Remus, glaring again at his former headmaster.

"But they are written with the aid of a Self-Addressing Quill," added Dumbledore ignoring the werewolf's gaze. Harry thought this was rather cowardly of the "greatest wizard of the age".

"I assure you, Remus, Sirius, that the Quill will be better supervised in the future," promised McGonagall. "I will attend to it personally."

**…**

"Muggle postmen won't deliver letters without stamps," explained Hermione, seeing Arthur's confusion.

"Ah! I suppose we'll have to remember that when we write to his aunt and uncle, Molly."

"It would be prudent," Mrs. Weasley agreed,

"Why would you write to them?'

"We need to ask their permission to take you to the Cup," she answered. "I know you're here now, but I wasn't expecting this little gathering, and I still think it would be more polite to let them know."

**…**

"You could hear a blasted cricket," Sirius scoffed. "Ginny, read it properly."

"Which language would you prefer, Sirius?" the redhead snapped, annoyed at the interruption. "Mermish?"

"All I'm asking for is a little House pride! Now, shall we try this again?"

Ginny grumbled, but complied.

**…**

"GRYFINNDOR!" shouted Sirius, while the Weasley boys whooped.

Harry smiled indulgently at his godfather, before leaning toward Remus, and whispering, "Is he quite insane?"

The werewolf laughed. "This is normal where Sirius is concerned."

**…**

"GO PUFFS!" Tonks yelled, grinning as she earned a few winces.

**…**

"Joke?" gasped Fred, horrified. "What part of that was funny?"

"The part where he wasn't speaking, I expect," replied George

**…**

The present Harry sighed dramatically, "Before you all say it, I know I should have opened it in the hall, but I was a bit short of common sense at the moment."

"Clearly," snickered Ron.

**…**

"Keep your mouth shut, child," hissed Figg.

"Too late," sighed Ginny.

**…**

"The master seeker at work," Hermione teased.

**…**

"Must you be so descriptive ,Mr. Potter?" McGonagall sighed, as she watched Tonks perform the necessary complexions.

**…**

"First time he's ever been speechless."

**…**

""Get your minds of the gutter!" Molly snapped at her identically grinning sons.

"But Mum, we…"

"…didn't say anything,"

"You were about to!"

**…**

"Like I said, the world doesn't revolve around him," growled Hermione.

"The behavior his parents fostered, dear," said Arabella.

...

"Yeah, tell him Harry!" cheered Tonks and George.

…

"Good," nodded Sirius, "stand your ground."

"Oh, he will," snorted Ron.

**…**

"Ladies and gents," said Ron grandly, "I give you…Harry's temper. Good rendition, Ginny."

"Good rend—she nearly destroyed my eardrums. You'll be paying for that, Weasley!"

"Bring it on, Black!" Ginny replied.

The convict blinked, while Harry and Remus looked quite scared, "Ginny, Sirius was kidding. You really don't want to challenge him like that."

"You've forgotten who I live with."

Harry shook his head. If she had never heard of the Marauders, she would soon.

**…**

"One of the things he inherited from the firecracker known as Lily," McGonagall smiled.

"Mum had a temper?"

"YES!" chorused the Marauders and McGonagall to general laughter. "Sirius was a favorite target," added Remus, chuckling.

…

"Don't you touch him!" Molly and Sirius yelled.

**…**

"Not to call for the apocalypse or anything," said Tonks, "but I think your uncle just got something right, Harry."

Figg shook her head. "It was Petunia I had to be careful of, not Vernon. Bloke never notices anything."

"Then why—?"

"Paranoia, plain and simple," answered Harry. "He can't even say the word 'wizard' remember?"

**…**

"You can’t ignore it. It doesn't work like that, Dursley," groaned Ron. How thick could these Muggles be?

**…**

"STAMP OUT!" was the general outcry.

"Does he realize how incredibly _dangerous_ that is?" McGonagall snarled. "Not only for the magical child, but for the people around as well!"

"Are you going to try and defend this too, you old coot?"

"There is no defense, Sirius," said Dumbledore quietly. "Miss Weasley, if you will?"

**…**

"And by 'Uncle Vernon' it means his head."

…

"Mistake! It had his cupboard on it!" said Ron and Remus, Ron adding, "you son of a Bludger!"

"That is enough language out of you, Ronald Bilius!"

…

"He's never legitimately _smiled_ before?" asked Tonks, flabbergasted.

"It said 'forced', so I'm guessing not," sighed Mr. Weasley.

**…**

"It had," nodded Harry in agreement.

….

"SECOND BEDROOM!" Molly screamed, "And Harry sleeps _where_?"

"That's the point, Mrs. Weasley, they're giving the other bedroom to me."

"It was rightfully yours, Mr. Potter!" McGonagall pointed out.

**…**

"For once…for once I agree with that ludicrous rule," whispered Hermione.

**…**

"That's horrible," shouted Sirius.

"That was the Dursley boy?" inquired Arabella. "I thought Patches was hit by a car!"

**…**

Hermione huffed. “Why am I not surprised?”

**….**

"No, you do not need it!" snapped the bushy-haired witch.

**….**

"I don't blame you, Harry," said Tonks sympathetically. "How did you finally get your letter anyway?"

"Harrykins is smirking," said Fred, gleefully, "Well, come on, read.”

…

"Good," Ginny interrupted herself, grinning. “He finally didn’t get what he wanted.”

…

"What, WHY?"

"Oh, for the love of Godric!"

"You can all hex them later," sighed Harry, impatiently,

"With the utmost pleasure," hissed Hermione.

**…**

"Somehow, I don't think ‘ being nice’ was his motive, cub."

"That must have been a sight," sniggered George. “What _did_ the neighbors think?”

…

"Oh, damn, he got it.”

"Auror Tonks! Not in front of my children."

"Right-o, Molly."

…

"Hopefully this one is better than your Hogsmeade stunt."

"What's Remus talking about, Mr. Potter?"

"I'd like to know that too," added Sirius, in a completely different tone than his old Head of House had used.

Fred and George avoided their mother's eye.

**…**

"Actually, that might work," said Fred thoughtfully.

**….**

"Good gracious!" Figg cried, as she and McGonagall clutched their chests.

"Miss Weasley, I hereby forbid you from reading any chapter that contains excessive shouting."

"Yes, Professor," Ginny giggled.

**…**

"Remus, pass me to Harry…" Lupin raised his eyebrows. "The mirror, you dolt, pass him the mirror!"

Harry leaned in curiously. "If you stepped on Vernon, I will Maraud you," Sirius whispered, making his godson grin.

"Something to share with the class, Harrykins," Fred inquired.

**…**

"YES!" Sirius bellowed upsetting his chair. The twins had vacated theirs and were prostrated at Harry's feet.

**…**

Fred and George returned to their seats, looking murderous.

“That’s just rude,” said Ginny.

**…**

"So if you nail this 'mail slot' the post can't come through?" asked Arthur curiously.

"Not now, dear," Molly scolded.

"No, it's all right," replied Harry. "Not in this case, Mr. Weasley, but generally yes."

**…**

"Listen to her," Sirius advised. "Minnie never gives up."

McGonagall scowled.

**…**

"Cheers to not being like them," toasted Tonks.

**…**

"Fruitcake is the Muggle equivalent of Cockroach Clusters," Hermione told Ron.

"Scrumptious…"

"That's the point," Harry chuckled. "Nobody likes it, especially Aunt Petunia's. I believe it broke my uncle's tooth actually.

"In that case, all hail the fruitcake!" the redheaded boys shouted.

**…**

"And he can wave bye-bye to his sanity," smirked Sirius.

"You're talking sanity?'

"Harry, have you met my cousin, _Nymphadora?"_

"Did you know your godfather's middle name was Orion?"

"Did you know…"

"Enough!" intervened Remus, but he was laughing. "Out after one round, bad form Sirius."

"Well you know, Azkaban."

**…**

"Wicked, Professor."

"Thank you Mr. Weasley. It was certainly one of the more creative deliveries I've come up with."

"I find," beamed Dumbledore at his colleague, "That creativity is like an old cloak, gets rather dusty if it is not employed regularly."

"I have some creative spells I could use on you, for leaving Harry with those idiots," Tonks muttered.

…

"Why is he happy?" muttered Arabella, narrowing her eyes.

**…**

"Ah." Her face fell slightly. "Yes, that is a Muggle custom. They use post carriers as opposed to owls."

"We must talk at break," mused Mr. Weasley.

**…**

"Come on, Harry," cheered the Weasleys. "You're bound to get one now," grinned Fred.

"About that…"

**…**

"Latent seeker instincts," he supplied weakly.

"Nice try, kid," Tonks snorted.

**…**

"OI!" cried Sirius, "you said he never touched you!"

"I never said that," replied Harry. "Don't put words in my mouth."

"Don't speak to Sirius that way," Remus a stern undertone in his voice. He took a breath, then tilted Harry's chin to meet his face. "Harry, did your relatives abuse or harm you in any way, shape, or form?"

"No, I mean you know about the food and the cupboard but other than that…"

"There's nothing else?" Sirius pressed gently.

" I uh…got spanked a few times as a kid, and I was grounded once but that's it." Harry finished, trying his best not to look at Ron, who was scowling at him over Remus' shoulder.

 _"Don't you dare!"_ he tried to telegraph to his friend. Ron sighed

**…**

"Excellent," smirked George evilly. "The git is spooked."

**…**

"No one wanted to argue with him at that particular moment,"

**…**

"He had literally ripped out these massive chunks," Harry laughed. Later, Aunt Petunia told him just how ridiculous he looked. It was so lopsided, she got a razor out of his overnight bag and shaved the rest off."

"Perhaps the razor was dull," growled Sirius, hopefully.

**…**

"Finally, some discipline for the brat!" Ginny hissed. "It's about ruddy time!"

Molly couldn't scold, since she agreed with the sentiment.

**…**

"Gone round the twist, he has," chuckled Tonks.

**…**

"Oh, come off it," snarled Ron. "I bet you take Harry's food often enough."

**…**

" Missed television! How _will_ you go on living?" Hermione wailed sarcastically.

"There, there," said Remus patting her on the back. "They'll call a therapist in the morning."

**…**

"About what?" asked Ron.

"The letters, I suspect. I remember being really confused by this point."

**…**

"That's hardly nutritious," fussed Molly. "Remind me to feed you up, dear."

**….**

"Watch him mistreat the child, a brilliant idea."

**…**

"Already gone," remarked the twins seriously.

**…**

"Very good, Duddy Doodle," simpered Ginny, with the air of a primary school teacher. "Now, who can tell me what tomorrow is?

"Ooh, ooh! Pick me, Miss Ginny! Pick me!"

Harry was very amused to see Sirius bouncing in his chair. "Kind of like 'Mione used to be, eh Ron?"

"Shut up!" she mock-glared giving Harry a smack for his trouble before turning to Ginny. "Three Sickles if you keep reading."

"Five if you call the great git 'Duddy Doodle' to his face," Tonks offered, grinning. "And I want a picture of his face afterwards."

"I just may do that," Ginny brightened. "Who'll give me a Galleon to do it, a Galleon anyone?

"One Galleon," chuckled Dumbledore, "and a well-spent one, I'm sure. Shall we continue?"

**…**

"Happy birthday, pup!"

"Happy birthday, cub."

"You two do know you're talking to my eleven-year-old book self, don't you?" Harry chortled.

Sirius shrugged. " Oh, let us have our fun, you. Eleven is an important year!"

**…**

Remus' features hardened again. "Explain to me where my presents got to, Dumbledore!"

"You brought me…"

"I left one on the Dursleys doorstep ever year on Christmas, and your birthday, then when you were at Hogwarts I sent them there, though apparently you've never gotten any of them."

"The gigantic box of Honeydukes sweets on my bed Christmas morning, third year…was from you! Thanks."

"You're welcome," Remus beamed, squeezing him in a one-armed hug. "Imagine my surprise when you show up with an International standard broomstick. Sirius still can't stand to be outdone I see?"

"Never!" The animagus grinned, after shooting Dumbledore a scathing look.

**…**

"Smiling? Oh Merlin, that's not good."

**…**

"And _that's_ where you spent your birthday?" Tonks shook her head, unbelieving.

**…**

"And what does the brainless oaf consider rations," sniped Molly to Arabella, who shrugged.

**…**

Molly performed a Warming Charm with a flick of her wand. "Is that better, dear?"

"I'm not so cold no…" Remus gave him a look. "Yes, thank you."

**…**

"Should've let Petunia do it," shrugged Sirius. "According to Lily, they camped when they were little."

**…**

"Why, you hateful beast!" shrieked Minerva.

**…**

"Don't fret, Mr. Potter, I believe I had sent you an escort by this time. He should be arriving soon."

**…**

"The roof probably leaked too," hissed Hermione. It had, but Harry thought it would unwise to tell her this.

**…**

"Let me see that, a minute," said George, taking the book from his youngest sister. "Blimey, it really does say ‘most ragged’! To the lists, men!"

**…**

Molly Weasley chanced a look at her watch, and jumped. " Merlin, it's half-six! How much longer is the chapter, dear?"

"This is the last page," Ginny replied.

"Let's plan to eat after chapter four, shall we? Unless anyone is hungry right now?" The question seemed to be aimed at Ron and Harry in particular.

**…**

"Stupid question," Harry admonished his past self.

**…**

"Waiting for word from that your escort had retrieved you, of course," McGonagall answered, as if it was obvious.

**…**

The Marauders growled. He should never be that cold

**…**

"That won't be necessary, dear boy." Dumbledore offered him.

"And it would've been far less entertaining," Harry grinned.

**…**

"Eight!" cheered Fred.

"Seven!" George cheered.

"Six!" Harry added, rolling his eyes.

**…**

"You should!" Sirius enthused. "You have five perfectly good seconds left…well four now."

…

"Boom?" Tonks repeated.

"Not boom, BOOM!"

"I brought that on myself."

"And the rest of us," Remus chuckled. "Well come on, what happened?"

**…**

"Well, that's it." Ginny marked her page. "Who wants it next?"

"Is this the chapter I think it is," Hermione giggled.

Harry raised his eyebrows. "Yes, I think so."


	5. Chapter  4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermione reads Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**

"That's Hagrid, isn't it?" Tonks asked.

Sirius laughed. "'Course it is! There will be a blizzard in Hell the day Hagrid leaves Hogwarts. He's been there forever!"

"Not nearly," Dumbledore chuckled. "Armando Dippet allowed Hagrid to stay on as groundskeeper after his expulsion. On my suggestion, in fact."

The trio exchanged dark looks. Remus noticed, but Hermione began reading before he could comment.

**…**

"That was dramatic," remarked Fred.

"I'm not shouting," said Hermione simply.

**…**

"Was that last adverb really necessary?" questioned Ginny.

"I think it was to reiterate the point," Remus answered.

"As if we needed the reminder," snickered Harry,

**…**

Is he _out of his mind_? Hermione shrieked.

"What happened?" asked the adults in alarm.

"Nothing bad," Harry assured them. "Keep reading, Mione." She took a shaky breath and continued.

**…**

"'Nothing bad' he says," sniffed Mrs. Figg. "It's ruddy dangerous is what it is! I sincerely hope he knew how to use that thing, otherwise you could've been shot to bits! All of you."

"I don't like the sound of this!" shuddered Sirius.

"It's not a problem for long, don't worry."

**…**

"Aren't we—nah too easy," decided Sirius.

"Thank Merlin."

"Aw, Minnie, you know you love me!"

"Like a toothache, Mr. Black."

**…**

"Quite the entrance," sniggered Ron. "I'm sure your git relatives loved that!"

**…**

Arthur laughed. "It's an almost sinister description, but I suppose Hagrid would seem quite scary to an eleven-year-old.

"I'd never seen anyone that tall before," Harry admitted.

"Well that's not surprising," Sirius chuckled. "If you're anything like James, you'll be a scrawny git until fifth or sixth year. "

"I'm not scrawny," Harry pouted.

"Well you _have_ grown," Hermione offered kindly.

**…**

McGonagall shook her head fondly, "Only you, Hagrid."

**…**

"Aw, they're scared of the big, bad giant," Ginny taunted. "What?" she asked blushing as Harry chuckled softly.

"Muggle fairytales often reference the big, bad wolf," he informed her.

"Oh. Weird."

…

"His mum's eyes," recited the Marauders at the same moment Harry said, "My mum's eyes."

**….**

"Hear that often," chuckled Tonks.

"All the time."

**…**

"Well done, Hagrid," said Arabella, "finally someone has enough gumption to put Vernon Dursley in his place."

**…**

"That comparison insults the mouse," stated George.

"Good!" said Ron bitterly, and Harry knew he was thinking of Pettigrew. He wondered how the rest of the Weasleys would take the revelation that they had shared their home with one of Voldemort's biggest supporters.

**….**

Those who had experience with Hagrid's cooking flinched.

"I expect the house-elves made it," said Dumbledore, amused by their reactions.

**…**

Hermione scoffed as she read this. "Really Harry, there are things called manners."

"See that you use them next time, Mr. Potter." McGonagall chided.

**…**

"He always does that," nodded Tonks, rubbing her own arm at the memory.

**…**

"Hagrid!" Molly said sharply.

"I highly doubt there is mead at their disposal, dear," placated Arthur. "And, besides Hagrid is grown."

"I still don't like the idea of him drinking in front of children." Harry supposed telling Mrs. Weasley that Uncle Vernon had not only drank, but gotten drunk in front of him as a child would not soothe the situation, so he kept quiet.

**…**

"Not impressed is he?" George sniggered.

**…**

"The first bit of magic I ever saw," Harry sighed happily. "Or remember seeing anyway. What about you, Mione?"

"Professor McGonagall changed my dictionary into a chicken," the girl replied, smiling, "and made it cluck the definitions."

Ron snorted, "Now that would make schoolwork interesting."

"Our schoolwork is always interesting, Ronald!"

"Divination?"

Harry and several others shuddered. Hermione only scowled at the redhead, and continued to read.

**…**

They all laughed. It was such a typical Hagrid thing to do.

**…**

"Gross, Ron!" Tonks cried, scooting her chair away before he could drool on her robes. "Is sausage really _that_ appealing?"

"Hey, I'm hungry."

"Well, the rest of us would like to keep our appetites, thank you!" said Ginny, wrinkling her nose in disgust.

**…**

Sirius snorted, "Like he needs anymore. The kid's table scraps alone could feed a third-world country"

…

"Good one!" howled Tonks, appreciatively. The majority of the others soon joined her, Sirius's bark-like laugh distinctive above everyone else.

"I always liked you, Hagrid!"

**…**

Hermione laughed, "I always knew there was at least one boy in the universe who couldn't be distracted by the presence of food, but I never thought it would be one of you two!" She dissolved into another fit of giggles.

"OI!" cried both of the boys in question

"Not nice, Mione. And it's not funny!" Harry added, pretending to glare at the laughing Marauders.

"Sorry," Remus spluttered, "but it kind of is. Hermione made the type of comment that used to come out of Lily's mouth all the time."

"Your mum loved teasing us about out 'horrendous appetites'", said Sirius. "Never stopped her from cooking Sunday dinner though."

Harry closed his eyes and tried to imagine one of those scenes. He had been thinking about it for several minutes, before Remus' concerned voice broke in, "Cub, are you still with us?"

"Yeah I am, I was just…I'm all right." He gestured to Hermione. "Keep on."

"Well…all right."

**…**

“Of course not! His bloody relatives forgot about to tell him—"

"That he's an honest-to-goodness wizard—"

"Minor detail that it is!" the twins finished together.

**…**

"Why are _you_ apologizing?" huffed Ginny, as she sent an angry glare at the book.

…

"As they should!" snapped McGonagall.

…

"Hagrid's gonna blow!" Ron whistled, leaning forward eagerly.

**…**

"What a bunch of bloody cowards!"

"George," Arthur warned.

**…**

"Well, they weren't," Harry muttered, blushing as the room chuckled at his expense.

**…**

"Right," Fred snickered, "because Diddy can't count. Did you do his math homework for him."

Harry nodded.

**…**

The Weasley children, the cousins, and Remus looked like Christmas had come in the summer.

**…**

"YES! Give 'em hell Hagrid!"

"Auror Tonks!" Molly scolded.

"Don't waste your pity on those buffoons, Molly." Harry jumped. It had been so long since Mrs. Figg had spoken, that he had forgotten his batty neighbor was there.

**…**

"And I hate my fame!" Harry grumbled, bitterly.

"We know that, pup," Sirius whispered.

**…**

"Fool," scoffed McGonagall. "Hagrid doesn't listen to a soul except Albus."

**…**

"It'd be a shock," Arabella remarked dryly. "No one has had the nerve to challenge the great Vernon Dursley before. Oh, the times I wanted to give him a roasting!"

**…**

"We'll give 'em something to panic about, won't we boys!"

"Black!"

"Right sorry. By all means, join us Minnie!"

The professor rolled her eyes. "As long as the Weasleys are in my House you will not corrupt them!"

"I second that!" said Molly vehemently. "And that goes for Harry as well."

"Now Molly, we really can't control what he does as his godson's guardian."

Molly was about to snap back at her husband before Harry asked, "Sirius is my guardian?"

"Yes," McGonagall answered. "During the war, the families with young children included Chains of Guardianship in their wills. James and Lily did the same for you. If Sirius turned up deceased, you were to go to Remus, the Longbottoms or myself.

  
"The Longbottoms?" Harry had never officially met Neville's Gran, but he had once heard Augusta Longbottom chastising her grandson on the train platform. She was rather formidable. “Wait a minute, what about…? I mean if Mum and Dad didn’t know…?”

Sirius shivered.

“They knew you weren’t Peter’s biggest fan,” Remus explained, though his eyes were going amber. “Lily didn’t want you to spend the rest of your childhood screaming bloody murder every time your own guardian came near you.”

**…**

Remus raised his eyebrows. "And that's all? No sort of explanation, or anything? You're probably confused."

"I was," Harry confirmed. "But don't worry, Hagrid explains soon."

"I think he wanted to get Harry out of there as soon as possible," mused Tonks. "It's what I'd do."

**….**

"Nice reaction, Harrykins!"

"Shut it," said Harry sticking out his tongue.

**…**

"Yes," agreed Sirius. "I reckon it finally is."

**…**

"Merlin, that's a lot of titles."

Dumbledore chuckled at the pick-haired woman. "Too many, if I may say so humbly."

"Humble, you." Remus shot Sirius _don't-do-this-right-now_ look. They would have the dinner break to confront the headmaster about Harry's mistreatment. And they would certainly be doing so!

**_…_ **

"Blimey, mate, you almost missed the deadline." Ron could scarcely imagine Hogwarts without Harry,

"I don't think Hagrid would've let that happen, son," Arthur assured him.

**…**

"Poor owl," cooed Ginny.

**…**

"Impressive, Mr. Potter," said Minerva with a rare smile. "I've never seen worse chicken scratch than Hagrid's."

**_…_ **

"There is nothing normal about those felly-tone things," disputed Ron.

"It's called a _telephone,_ Ronald," Hermione corrected. "And you probably shouldn't have shouted into it." Harry barely contained his shiver.

….

"Much as she likes to forget about it, your aunt knows about magic from Lily."

**…**

"Lily was not dratted!" shouted Sirius, Remus, and Minerva.

**…**

"Get a new word," mumbled Hermione irritably.

**…**

There was such an uproar that Hermione had to stop reading, not that she could have continued with that huge lump that was growing in her throat. "Oh, Harry, I can't believe you found out that way,"

"I hope Hagrid murders them," bellowed George.

"If he didn't, I certainly will," growled Sirius.

"No," protested Harry. "We're doing this so you can be free, not so you can get thrown back in that horrid place!"

"Harry…"

"No, Sirius, I won't let you risk doing something rash. Not when you're finally free. I can take care of myself"

Sirius sighed, "We'll be talking about that later, too."

**…**

"Which was nothing but an outrageous lie!" hissed McGonagall.

…

"It really is," said Arthur. "Your parents were fantastically brave people, Harry. Don't you ever forget that."

"I won't."

**…**

"That's to be expected," whispered Arabella. All those time Harry had been sitting in her den she had wanted to tell him so many things, but the story of his parents death was not one she would be rushing to recount even if Albus had allowed it at the time.

**…**

"I just wish he’d done more than give them a dirty look," Remus grumbled.

**…**

"I wish I could get people to see that there is no reason to be frightened," said Dumbledore. "After all, it is only a name."

**…**

"He'll never say it," predicted Sirius.

…

"He said it," Fred gasped, "Seems Harrykins can do the impossible."

"Still can't get you guys to say the name, can I?"

"And you never will," Ron shuddered.

**…**

"See, Hagrid agrees with me."

Harry sighed. "Really, Ron, you have to get over that."

**…**

"Can't tell you how you how appalled I was," said Sirius dramatically.

Molly huffed. "That position of Head Boy is something to be proud of."

**…**

"Lily and James would never join him," Remus spat. "Dumbledore, or no Dumbledore, they had dignity."

**…**

Tonks sighed as she looked around at the many long faces. Her heart was breaking for them. "Read it quickly, Hermione," she advised, "rip the Band-Aid."

**…**

Molly fell into her husband's arms, and began sobbing at the mention of her brothers.

**…**

_Avada Kedavra_ Sirius thought, his guilt increasing tenfold. No child should remember something as horrific as that and it was all Sirius's fault.

**…**

The canines inside Remus and Sirius whimpered, while the former gathered Harry in a hug. Hermione stopped briefly to blink tears out of her eyes, before reading on in a shaky voice.

**….**

Albus kept his head down to avoid the glares directed at him.

**…**

"Wish we could forget about them" hissed the twins, with a venom that Harry had never heard in their voices before,

…

"IT IS NOT!" shouted all those who had known Lily and James Potter.

For her part, Hermione was stuck on: _"A good beating?"_

The Marauders' eyes flicked not to a flinching Harry, but to Arabella Figg, who mouthed, "Talk to me later."

…

"There you have it, Albus Dumbledore! Did I not warn you these, these _monsters_ wouldn't understand him?" seethed McGonagall, shooting daggers at her colleague. "Taunting a child about his parents' deaths, how dare they!"

"They really are soulless bastards, aren't they? Merlin's scabby elbow," Tonks startled when she noticed Sirius shiver, "I am so, so, sorry! I have _got_ to stop putting my wand in my damn mouth!"

"It's all right," the animagus said, with a feeble attempt at his usual bravado. "Just so happens, I agree with you." To spare the cousins further awkwardness, Hermione decided to keep reading.

**…**

"Be a pal and silence the git," Fred encouraged.

**…**

**“Much better.”**

**…**

"Your mum's curiosity, cub."

…

"A good question if I ever heard one," murmured McGonagall

…

"Seems Hagrid agrees with you Professor."

"I thought you were hungry, Ron," Ginny asked.

"Starving actually."

"Then, by all means, let me finish the chapter so we can eat," huffed Hermione.

**…**

"Pile of dung," cried Sirius, shrinking back at Hermione's glare. "Godric, she's scary."

**…**

Dumbledore nodded, "From what I have gathered, this seems to be the most plausible explanation."

"Nope, no mistake.”

**…**

"Yes, you," said Remus, mussing Harry's hair again.

**…**

"Well, you see, Harrykins…"

"…when two magical people love each other very much…"

"Merlin, I wish I was a fifth year!" muttered Ginny, shaking her head in annoyance. "Tonks?"

"On it." The Auror smirked reaching to Silence the twins, who immediately started gulping like fish out of water.

…

 _And we will prank them heavily for it! All three of them Will you PLEASE un-Silence us? _George scrawled on the piece of parchment that he waved above his head.

"Actually, I'm rather enjoying the quiet," replied Arthur. The females in the room nodded in agreement, making the twins pout.

**…**

"If only it worked that way," chuckled Mr. Weasley. Meanwhile, Sirius was scribbling the phrase "warty toads" for future reference.

**…**

"It can happen," Harry defended himself as the room started to laugh. He gestured to Mrs. Figg.

"Yes, Harry," Dumbledore conceded, "it can happen but Squibs are rather rare. In fact, I do believe Arabella and Argus Filch are the only living Squibs in the United Kingdom."

"Wait a second, Filch, a Squib?" Sirius said incredulously. "Well, that explains a lot then, doesn't it?"

"It certainly does," Remus agreed.

…

"That's my favorite piece of accidental magic ever!" Sirius whooped.

**…**

"It was mum that did it," Harry whispered. "She and Dad should be the famous ones."

…

"Ooh!" Tonks cried, "You should go to Privet Drive, and shout random insults at them in Parseltongue. It'll freak them out!"

"That idea has major potential," Sirius agreed, "Don't you think, Remus?"

The werewolf startled. Remus turned from a muttering Harry, his eyes flickering back to normal as suddenly as they had changed, "What…oh yes potential."

Sirius looked at his quizzically at his friend and then at his godson, but couldn't ascertain what had gone on between them. The brief exchange had gone unnoticed by everyone else, as Hermione had resumed reading.

**…**

"Insulting Dumbledore in front of Hagrid! Oh, he is gonna get it!" laughed Ginny, cruelly.

"So this is when…" Ron asked then trailed off in his excitement.

"When we hex Vernon Dursley into oblivion," Ginny growled. "Yes, I think now would be a perfect time!"

"No, it's better," Hermione giggled. "Harry's told us this story before."

…

Hermione took a maddening pause.

**…**

Raucous laughter erupted around the room. The red-faced twins sent pleading looks from person to person, until Remus took pity on them and surreptitiously removed the Silencing spell "BLOODY BRILLIANT!" they cried.

"Hagrid, you are my ruddy hero!" Sirius declared, tears streaming down his face.

"That was…that was…"

"Classic!" Tonks supplied.

Remus nodded, pounding his fist on the table in front of him.

"It sure is!" howled Ron. "Just gets better and better! How long did he have that thing?"

"Quite a while," chuckled Arabella, "The doctors—Muggle Healers—didn't know what to do at first, finally they surgically removed the thing and sewed him back up. I think he may still have the scar on his bum, but you couldn't pay me to check. At any rate, Petunia was thoroughly hysterical."

**…**

"Good riddance!"

**…**

"Oh, yes you should have!" This came from Molly Weasley, and Harry was privately relieved. He had seen Mrs. Weasley unleash her wrath on her sons, and thought it would've been rather hypocritical if she had chastised Hagrid.

…

McGonagall smirked, "Nevertheless, I will happily finish that bit of Transfiguration for him."

…

"Like I'd ever tell on you, Hagrid!" Harry scoffed.

"There are times when we maybe should have, though," whispered Hermione.

Remus raised his eyebrows, and leaned toward his seatmate. "I'm sure you've already discovered this, Hermione," he whispered, "but werewolves have exceptional senses. Hearing, for instance." The witch blushed and hurried to read.

…

"I think everybody wonders that," said Sirius, while Molly and Minerva glared at Harry.

"And he never answers," added George. The trio smirked at him.

"They _know_ ," cried Fred. "You lot know, don't you?"

"You better finish it up, Mione," Harry prompted, ignoring the twins. "I'm suddenly ravenous."

**…**

"And that is that," Hermione announced. "Do you need any help with supper, Mrs. Weasley?"

"There be no need, miss," squeaked a tiny feminine voice. "I is here to get supper started for Mrs. Molly, and her guests."

Remus and Sirius's jaws dropped. Harry turned around to see what the trouble was. The new arrival burst into noisy tears when she met Harry's gaze, which made Harry more than slightly uncomfortable.

"Please—er—don't cry."

"Oh, sir." The elf wiped reached for a grimy handkerchief "They is happy tears sir. I has not seen young Master since he was a baby!" She rushed forward and bowed, looking at Harry through large, watery eyes. "You has Mistress's eyes, sir."

"Yeah, I've been told…and you don't have to call me 'sir' or 'Master' or anything like that, all right. It's just Harry. You're Lulu, are you?"

The elf bobbed her head. "Harry Sir, remembers Lulu?" she squeaked, excitedly, "Lulu heard Master Harry has done many great things. Lulu is proud of you, sir, so very proud. "

"Oh…um…thanks, so what've you been doing with yourself, Lulu?"

"I's been working at Hogwarts. There be no Potters left to serve when Haggy took young master away to live with the bad Muggles. But Lulu be coming back to Master when he is of age, sir."

"Why are you here now?" Remus wanted to know. "Did you send us these books, Lulu?"

"No, Master Moony, not I. Professor McGonagall from the future, sir. Lulu begged the Professor to come back too. I tells her I wants to meet Young Master properly, sir."

"Me?" gasped Minerva.

"Yes, ma'am."

"How far in the future?"

"April, Master Padfoot. April first 1998."

"How extraordinary!" said Dumbledore.

"Wait a second," Fred held up his hand. "What did she just call Sirius?"

"Padfoot," Remus replied, grinning. "A nickname from his Hogwarts days. I was Moony."

"Harrykins, when did you plan to tell us…"

"…that we spent our fifth year in the presence of a Marauder?"

Harry looked between the goggling twins, shrugging in amusement,

" Lulu is not meaning to interrupt," squeaked the elf. "But what will Master Harry be wanting for supper."

"Whatever you make for us will be fine," the teen replied, "And no 'Master' remember?"

She bowed. "And perhaps Lulu will make a cake for the Wheezy twins?"

"Hey that's right!" cried Fred, "It's our birthday!"

George grinned. "We're twenty! Or at least our future selves are."

"April first is your birthday?" Harry laughed. "That makes a lot of sense. It's a day of jokes and tricks in the Muggle world," he explained, and the twins' confused expressions turned to wicked grins.

"I, for one, will never turn down cake," Remus said, pocketing the mirror as he stood up. "But I think a few of us should chat while the food is being prepared. Harry. Albus, will you come outside for a moment?

Dumbledore nodded, having become slightly pale. "Yes of course, if you'll excuse us?"

"Do I have to?"

Remus nodded. "Yes you do. Harry." 


	6. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Marauders confront Dumbledore, and then Remus and Harry read Chapter Five

The Weasley family's pet chickens scattered, squawking noisily, as the slam of the back door disturbed their peace. Harry noticed, as he backed into the shade in an effort to be as inconspicuous as possible, that Dumbledore's unease matched his own. In fact, the man seemed to be readying himself to face a firing squad, which Harry guessed would be quite similar indeed to the ire of an accused murderer and a werewolf.

"Remus, Sirius…"

"Spare us!"

"Pardon?"

"We are not here on a Sunday afternoon picnic, Dumbledore!" Sirius growled. "My godson has been mistreated, or at the _very least_ appallingly neglected! Theses books have made you aware of that, haven't they?" Although Harry was not facing the men or the mirror, he assumed from the canine snarl in Sirius's tone that his godfather's teeth were bared, in a caricature of his Grim-like Animagus.

"Answer him!" Remus demanded, when the old man had finished applying Muffling Charms to the garden. "Or are you going to clam up like a goddamn coward now?"

"Well, Moony, that's what he is" Sirius replied, his voice rather muffled. "And, as fascinating as I find your pocket lint, I want to look him in the eye."

"Right, sorry mate." Remus extricated the mirror from his robes, along with his wand, which he pointed at the headmaster's back. "I said answer him!"

Dumbledore sighed, finally meeting the amber eyes. "I have a lot to answer to and I will do so. I only ask that this does not become a shouting match. And I must insist you take me off wand-point."

Sirius laughed harshly. "Not a chance. Don't do it, Remus."

"Lower your wand, Remus," Harry whispered. He was leaning against the dilapidated chicken coop watching the exchange with an uneasy expression. "For me."

The lycanthrope chanced a glance at his friend's son, and immediately wished he hadn't. But, Harry determinedly held the gaze his green eyes pleading, until Remus relented dropping his wand to his side without relaxing his stance.

Sirius sighed, his eyes shining with admiration for his godson. "Once again, you're very noble, Harry, and once again, it goes undeserved."

"And who are you two to decide that?" Harry's tone was not challenging, but genuinely curious.

"We, Harry, are the men who swore to your parents that we'd do everything within our power to keep you safe, and protect you should anything happen to them," Remus replied, "And I will not fail them a second time."

"Nor will I," added Sirius.

"Then we are all in agreement," remarked Dumbledore bravely. "I, too, have had, and always will have Harry's best interests in mind."

Sirius's jaw dropped. "Let's assume you're sticking with that utterly pathetic line, shall we? If that is the case, then what in the name of Merlin's bushy chest hair possessed you to leave a one-year-old infant on a doorstep in the middle of November?"

"Nothing would have happened to him."

"'Nothing would have happened to him'," Remus repeated. "So I suppose you made sure he wouldn’t wake up hungry or scared? You accounted for his warmth and safety? And took every precaution so that none of the Death Eaters who were still roaming about could get at him”

"Lucius or perhaps dear, psychotic Bella to name a few!”

" They would have loved to get their hands on the Boy-Who-Lived.”

"I really hate that nickname, Remus!" Harry groaned.

"Right, I apologize, cub...get their hands on the baby who had defeated their precious Dark Lord not even a day ago and…Merlin I don't even want to think what those bastards would do to him!"

"I assure you, that no one who had even the slightest intention of harming Harry could get inside the protective wards."

"No one, that is expect his stupid, lousy, good-for-nothing, asshole so-called relatives," muttered Sirius, "Well I'll say one thing for certain, Albus Dumbledore, I will make those bastards pay for every hair they ever touched on my godson's messy head! And another: Harry will never set foot in that wretched place again for as long as I live and breathe. You will remove him from that house!"

Dumbledore sighed. "I understand you aren't happy with me, Sirius, but I'm afraid it is not possible for Harry to be moved from the Dursley residence."

"Like hell it isn't!"

" Please, let me explain. Lily's sacrifice gave her son some of the most ancient magical protection known to Wizard-kind, but that protection is at its most powerful when Harry makes his home with a blood relative."

Remus threw up his hands in exasperation. "All the Purebloods are related, Dumbledore!"

"Meaning?"

"Meaning, you barmy old codger, that Harry could have been raised by a dozen families and the wards you are hiding behind would've been effective, while still honoring Lily's wish that her son never even breathe the same air as her awful sister. _Meaning_ that Harry could've been raised by _me_ as his parents intended!"

"Again, I state you were…"

"For Merlin's bloody sake! I am innocent..."

"…still, until Harry is seventeen…"

"…and I will take guardianship of my godson…."

"…I understand that…"

"….you don't understand owl dung…"  
  
 _"Rubellios!"_ Suddenly Dumbledore slumped to the ground scratching frantically at the red blotches that covered every inch of his body.

"The Marauder lives!" Sirius cackled. "Excellent show, Moony!" There was no amusement in Remus's eyes.

"Actually," he said coldly. "I did it to get both of you to shut the hell up. The fact that Albus was the only one in wand range is what we call an added bonus. Now, for such a smart man—don't huff at me Sirius, it's the truth—for such a smart, rather itchy man, Dumbledore, you seem to have forgotten the most important condition for blood wards: In order from them to be effective there must be love, pure and unconditional love toward the person being protected."

"EXACTLY," boomed Sirius, "There is no love for Harry at the Dursleys, and if you can't see that from what we've read, then you are blind as well as senile. Hell, even Lulu knows it!"

"I thought," said Dumbledore dejectedly, "I'd hoped that, in time, Petunia would put aside the differences she had with her sister, and learn to love Harry for who he was."

There was a humorless laugh behind them; the men turned around as Arabella Figg moved forward into the yard, "You may find it interesting to know that the subject of this discussion is absent without leave," she informed them. "And, since you brought up the subject, Albus, let me tell you about the Dursleys definition of love. They lock Harry in that wretched cupboard! Petunia screams herself hoarse if her nephew leaves the tiniest fleck of dirt on her spotless kitchen floor! Vernon beats the child and isolates him in that prison of a small bedroom!"

Her eyes widened when she saw Sirius's face blanch. "Oh, dear, I didn't mean for it to come out like that."

"Just tell me the truth, Ella!" he pleaded.

"I expect we'll hear about it the next book, but the summer before Harry's second year..."

Remus felt out of place in this particular conversation, and having no desire for Dumbledore's company, decided to track Harry down. He found the boy curled up in one of the orchard's most gnarled-looking trees, it was clear that Harry was trying to make himself as small as possible.

"I bet you'd give all the gold in your vault to have you dad's Invisibility Clock on hand right now, huh?" Remus tried to keep his voice light.

Harry grumbled something unintelligible without looking up. Remus sat himself at the base of tree and looked up at Harry's hunched form. "The silent treatment, eh?" he said conversationally. "I often used it on people in the aftermath of my transformations. Your father and Sirius had an annoying habit of waiting it out."

"And you're going to do the same thing now?" said Harry breaking resolve in spite of himself.

Remus couldn't help his smirk. Harry was so very like his father, still making a challenge when his back was against the wall. "I am fully prepared to do that, yes, but I'm hungry, and I'm pretty sure you are too, so this whole affair would be easier if we talked outright." Getting no response, Remus tried a different tactic. "Come on, cub, it's me, Moony, you know you can tell me anything, and if you didn't know that I'm telling you now. Why'd you run off?"

Harry sighed. "The louder the yelling and cursing got the faster I ran. And then I caught sight of Mrs. Figg, and I know she was going to tell you guys all about what the Dursleys did to me. As if hearing about them in these stupid books isn't enough!"

"I know it's hard, but in a way, I think you need to hear it."

"I've lived it." Harry picked a leaf of one branches and tossed it as hard as he could.

"Yes, you have," Remus acknowledged, "and you've lived your whole life thinking that that was the way all families acted, the way they treated each other, because that's how you grew up. But hearing the reactions of people who have hearts has changed that perspective, has it not?"

"The Dursleys didn't have to take me in, Moony. They weren't under any kind of obligation or anything."

"As you were constantly reminded, I'm sure," the werewolf snarled making Harry flinch. Seeing this, Remus immediately adjusted to a softer tone. "The only 'obligation' as you call it, that the Dursleys are under, was that of human decency. What that family did to you, Harry, was abhorrent, repugnant, and just plain wrong. And we are going to make them pay dearly. Our prankster protégés have quite the list of ideas, as does Sirius."

Harry gave a small smile. "Just don't do anything illegal on my account."

Remus placed a hand on his heart. "Harry James, it wounds me that you, my nephew by the Marauder Code, think I would ever get caught doing anything illegal."

"There's a Marauder Code?" Harry asked.

"Of course there is! It's quite extensive too. I'll show it to you one day."

"That'd be wicked."

“It's settled then. Now, are you ready to go and join the others?"

"I think I'll stay up here a while longer,"

Remus shrugged. "Have you always liked climbing trees?" he inquired, realizing with a sharp pang of guilt how little he actually knew about Harry.

Harry thought about his answer. "I guess having a bird's eye view of things clears my head, whether I'm up a tree or on a broom, you know?" he finished, just as Ginny came out to announce that supper was ready.

Supper that night was eaten in the garden because there was not enough room in The Burrow, and the meal was, on the whole, a great deal more sullen than most meals at the Weasley home. The Marauders busied themselves by shooting smoldering glances at Dumbledore, who avoided eye contact with them just as studiously.

When Lulu had cleared away the last of the food, Arthur announced there was time for two more chapters before bed, and they trumped back inside. Remus took the book from the coffee table. "I think I'll read, if no one minds."

**Chapter Five**

"Finally!" cheered Tonks, Ginny, and the twins.

**…**

Sirius shook his head, "Oh, Harry, the Marauder ways are completely lost on you."

Remus looked up from the novel. "Excuse me, but this Marauder actually attended his morning classes! And,"—he winked at Harry—"my footwear at said classes did not include dragon footsy slippers."

"Dragon footsy slippers?" Harry chuckled. "Really?"

"I'll show you people not to poke fun at me," Sirius grumbled as the teenagers choked on their laughter. "Just you wait." But he was secretly grinning. Sirius knew that the forced rehashing of old feelings had hit Harry hard, and he would gladly be the butt of a few jokes if he could see his godson being so lighthearted with his friends.

**…**

"As impressive as your imagination is, Mr. Potter," said McGonagall, "I doubt even you could think Hagrid up."

**…**

"Or it could be the Prophet owl, O Pessimistic One."

"Stop it, Ronald," snapped Hermione. "I mean, can you honestly blame him, after what we've read?"

"I s'pose not. Sorry, mate."

Harry waved him off.

**…**

“Storm’s over in more ways than one. You’re getting out of there," added Tonks, cheerfully.

**….**

"Hagrid sleeps heavier than my boys," Molly remarked, "And that is a feat, let me tell you."

**…**

"The Prophet owls are trained not to leave until they're paid," Arthur explained. "And they are rarely patient about it, either."

"You're telling me," agreed Hermione. "I was getting the paper delivered to France this past summer, and the one day I decided to have a lie-in the owl went ballistic. Nearly pecked me to death. Be grateful your Hedwig is so well-behaved, Harry."

" _Vous avez été en France?_ (You have been to France?) _"_ Sirius asked, looking interested.

Hermione nodded, _"Oui, nous rendions visite à un cousin de mon pere_ (Yes, we were visiting a cousin of my father's) _"_

Harry's jade-colored eyes travelled between his best friend and the mirror that held his godfather's reflection as if following the Quaffle in a high-speed Quidditch match. "I didn't know either of you could speak French."

"I'm all right," replied Hermione, shrugging.

"I had to learn it!"

"Why?"

"It's considered classy. One of the so-called 'languages of the Purebloods'" Sirius answered, making disgusted air quotes. "And my family took Pureblood mania to the extreme. I hated their stupid, medieval ideals. It's one of the reasons I can't stand being in this dratted house again! Stupid Slytherins!"

"You'll be out of there soon, Sirius" Tonks soothed before turning concerned eyes to Harry, who was staring at the floor. "And what about you, are you all right?"

"Fine. We should be reading…the sooner we get to the third book, the sooner we can spring him."

"Right you are, Harry," replied Dumbledore scratching at the biggest of the large red blotches that covered his body "Remus, please continue."

Remus pretended not to hear.

"For Sirius, remember?" Harry whispered, rolling his eyes. "Not for Dumbledore, for Sirius. We like Sirius."

"You'd better," said Sirius, from the mirror in Remus's hand.

Remus cleared his throat.

**…**

“You won’t be able to get rid of him until Hagrid pays up,” and Tonks.

**…**

"Not very helpful, considering the coat is nothing but pockets."

**…**

"Quite an eclectic assortment Hagrid’s got there," chuckled Arabella.

**…**

"'Our money's not strange," protested George.

"It would be strange to Harry at this point," Tonks replied. "British Muggles use a paper currency called pounds."

**…**

"The bronze ones, Harry," Hermione clarified.

"I know that now, and judging by the look on Remus's face I think you quoted the book again."

"Did I?"

"Minus one adjective," said Remus, who was indeed smiling.

…

"So Hagrid was getting up anyway." Arthur shook his head fondly at the giant.

...

“A happy _balloon_?” Ginny repeated. “That’s random. “

…

"Actually the Potters are even more well-off than the Blacks," Sirius informed him, "Richest family in Wizarding Britain, and you the last Potter so it's all yours."

Harry glared at the mirror for his godfather's lack of tact. He hated to seem as if he was flaunting his wealth in front of the Weasleys.

…

"What does their house have to do with anything?" Ron wanted to know.

**…**

"I can't believe Hagrid called you that!" The hairs of the back of Sirius's neck were raised. "He heard how Vernon treated you!"

"My dear boy, I doubt Hagrid was trying to be offensive in any way."

McGonagall cocked her head. "Admit it, Albus, he could have chosen better wording, a name other than 'boy'."

"I didn't take offense to anything he said, I think he was just amazed at exactly how much I didn't know," Harry jumped to his friend's defense.

**…**

Fred shivered. "Never want to cross those goblin buggers. From what I've gathered from Bill's stories they aren't the most forgiving blokes."

Molly narrowed her eyes. "What exactly has your brother been telling you, may I ask?"

"Never mind that," said Arthur, quickly. "The advice is still sound." Remus began to read again before Molly could think of a retort

…

"Why?" asked Tonks curiously,

"Let me read, Dora, and you will find out," said Remus.

Tonks's hair flashed red, "Dora, Nymphie, you two do realize I'm no longer five."

"Sure we do. Now, we do it for our own enjoyment," said Sirius cheekily. "You don't want me to suffer boredom in this hellhole, do you cousin?"

"Shut up while your ahead," Remus advised.

"Why, it's fun."

"Because, you dolt, I'm the only one currently within hexing range."

Tonks grinned, cheeky in her own turn. "Doesn't mean I won't save a curse or two for him."

"Be quiet, all of you," Molly snapped. "I'd like to get this chapter done before bed, and maybe another if we can manage it. Besides, Tonks, you certainly won't get your question answering by bickering." She gestured for Remus to read, and in doing so, missed a lovely display of Tonks's tongue.

**…**

"The view sounds quite pretty, actually," observed Arabella. " I do wish the Dursleys had stayed there."

Harry jumped, realizing he could now ask something that had dogged his curiosity since the incident, "How'd they get home anyway?"

"Couldn't tell you, dear. Petunia glossed over the whole thing so I never knew the story until now. I did inquire after you, though, and she said—or rather snapped—that you had been accepted to a boarding school last minute. Quite an interesting name it had too. St. Something-Or-Other, I believe."

"St. Brutus's," Harry growled.

"Yes, that's it."

"Suppose I should be thankful for that place, it's the reason I unofficially met you, Sirius."

**….**

"What in the name of Merlin could hold Hagrid?" giggled Ginny.

"My bike?" suggested Sirius.

"I didn't see it," Harry replied.

…

."Harry, staring’s not exactly polite," scolded Molly gently.

The teen tried not to groan, but he was really getting tired of those types of comments. "Look, I just want everyone to know that, considering my only models for politeness were the Dursleys, I think I'm doing pretty well for myself here."

Arabella snorted, "Your mother, God bless her, has a strong influence on you if you can grow up with that bunch and _not_ become a bloody Neanderthal."

Minerva's lips twitched at the woman beside her, before she turned to address Harry, "You're quite correct. Harry. We will try to remember that in the future."

He nodded in thanks. "Um, Professor, did you just call me Harry?"

She looked amused again "I did, Mr. Potter. I, too knew you as a baby. I think I was chatting with Lily in the sitting room when James first _attempted_ to give you a bath."

Blushing, Harry grabbed the book out of Remus's hands and began to read over the laughter.

**…**

"Because no one who wasn't a cracked nut would even try to rob the place," answered Ron. "It's a maze down there."

**…**

"There's a dragon standing guard at the Black vault," Sirius confirmed. "The Potters too."

…

"On behalf of Hagrid, 'Oi'"

Harry threw a napkin at George, "It was a passing comparison."

**…**

"And you shouldn't be afraid to ask questions."" said Hermione emphatically.

…

"You've got that right!" hissed Sirius and Harry. “ They are the Ministry, after all.”

…

"I much prefer teaching to politics."

**…**

"And I think we all agree that a monkey could do better than Fudge," Remus snarled.

**…**

"They stick innocent people in Azkaban," Harry answered his book self bitterly

**…**

"Not only that, but also to avoid more mass persecutions," explained Arthur. "Only a few centuries ago, the Wizarding world saw the biggest case of paranoia since the Middle Ages."

"The Salem Witch Trials in America." Hermione whispered, "they're famous even in the Muggle world."

"Right you are, Hermione," Remus sighed. "And the worst part is most, if not all of the people hanged during the trials were actually Muggles or Squibs."

Harry cleared his throat, deciding to break up the saddened atmosphere

**…**

Sirius snorted. "Well, he's just the picture of discretion."

"Perhaps we should have sent some slightly less conspicuous, Albus," Minerva conceded.

"Was the Muggle Studies teacher available?" Tonks asked.

"He was indisposed at the time." Harry was looking not at the speaking headmaster, but rather at Hermione, who appeared to have her teeth clenched.

**…**

"So it was _true_?" Minerva squeaked, wearing a slightly sickened expression.

"What was?" came from the Marauders, Weasley parents, and Arabella Figg, but Harry didn't allow enough time for an answer.

**…**

"That would be a sight," chuckled Tonks, "what was he knitting?"

"Whatever it was I saw it in his hut later."

**…**

Harry hid his smirk behind the open book, while Hermione raised her eyebrows and purposely avoided looking in his direction. Ron only just managed to conceal a snigger behind his hand, and the twins were grinning manically.

"Which one of them do you think we could get to spill?" mouthed Remus to Tonks, as he looked at the five teenagers.

George nudged Fred, "Think we should tell them?" he whispered.

"And miss the chance to prank?"

"Good point."

…

Hermione gasped. Her parents used to take her to the theatre in London quite often. She would have to ask Harry if he wanted to go sometime.

**…**

Mr. Weasley nodded sympathetically. How did the poor Muggles get on without the faster modes of transport magic provided?

…

"Yes, there could be—" said Fred.

"—in fact, there is!” finished George.

**…**

"Precisely, dear .The Dursleys are the last people I would credit with the imagination, let alone the intelligence to pull off something like this." The Weasley twins gaped at Arabella Figg with mounting respect.

 _They'll probably ask her to come pranking with them before the books are over._ Harry thought as he continued to read.

**…**

"Trust Hagrid with everything except a secret," agreed Sirius, nodding emphatically. "That guy has awfully loose lips when he's crocked."

“How in the world would you know that?" demanded Molly Weasley, but Harry cleared his throat before Sirius could respond, and probably start an argument with the redheaded matriarch.

….

"They can't see it," confirmed Hermione, "well, my mum and dad can, but only when I'm with them."

**…**

There was a great deal of laughter at this description of Tom.

**…**

"How often would he have to go there to have a 'usual'?" Tonks wondered aloud.

**…**

"Harry's first brush with fame," Ron sighed in mock-observance.

"Famous for being an orphan," Harry muttered, "Whoop-de-doo."

"Would you like me to take the book back now?" Remus asked quietly, but Harry shook his head.

"No, I can read."

**…**

"Harry was gone, I had no idea! Where'd he go?' George wanted to know.

"Into the den, to get a pillow to smack you with," replied Ginny, "No, wait, that's me."

"You wouldn't do that to your favorite brother, would you Ginny?'

"George, Ginny, behave," scolded Arthur.

**…**

“Diddle and Crockford have gone off their rockers." Ron sniggered. "That makes two more for the Harry Potter fan club, eh, Ginny.”

"What's this?" Sirius inquired, his eyes wide with amusement and interest.

"Well, there was this one time in Defense Against the Dark Arts…OW!" Both Harry and Ginny had smacked Ron upside the head, and were now back in their seats engaging in a blushing contest. "That kills brain cells you know!" Ron protested.

"There are times when I honestly wonder if you had any of those to begin with," teased Hermione.

Ron stuck out his tongue.

"Children," Harry scolded lightly. "If I may continue?"

**…**

_Quirrell_. Harry and Hermione took advantage of the werewolf's preoccupation, and exchanged a dark look over his head.

…

"How can that be?" asked Tonks. "Harry wouldn't take electives in this book. He isn't in third year yet."

…

"He switched!" the Metamorphmagus observed, "Taught Muggle Studies while I was at Hogwarts."

"What use is a teacher that is frightened of their own subject?" Sirius wondered.

"None whatsoever," muttered Hermione acerbically.

"Bloody idiot," Ron added in an undertone.

…

"Merlin, that stutter is annoying me already," declared Ginny. "Glad I never had him."

**…**

Sirius shrugged, "Okay, I'll give him that. He was a Ravenclaw two years above Moony and me in school. Never had much in the way of common sense, though."

"Hark, who's talking," said Remus in a stage whisper.

The trio and twins snorted.

**…**

"Quite the segue there," chuckled George.

"Methinks that is no ordinary umbrella," agreed Fred.

**…**

The children and Tonks cheered, but Harry noticed immediately that something was off. "Padfoot? You were so excited about me going to Diagon Alley before."

Sirius managed a sad smile. "I know I was, I am. But it should have been your mum and dad who took you the first time."

"Oh." _Stupid Pettigrew!_

**…**

"It can have that effect," giggled Hermione. "Ron, what on earth is the matter?"

"Spiders have eight eyes," he gibbered.

"How would you know?" asked Fred, "You'd never get close enough to notice."

"And whose fault is that, Frederick?" Molly shouted, effectively quieting her son

…

"Not the fastest broom anymore," Harry sang, grinning at Sirius.

**…**

"It sounds wonderful," sighed Arabella wistfully.

**…**

"A goblin who apparently supports Gryffindor," chuckled Remus, lightly.

**…**

"Well, duh!" scoffed Sirius. "Even I wouldn't try robbing the place, and I'm supposedly as mad as they come."

"Supposedly?" chorused half the room.

Sirius pouted. "Harry, Moony, you traitors! You're supposed to be on my side."

Harry put the book on his lap and held up his hands. "I'm on the side of whomever is winning at the moment and you, my dear godfather, are outvoted."

"Humph!"

**…**

Tonks chuckled. " Yeah, he wouldn’t like things spilling everywhere. They're tidy to a fault, goblins, and really stingy too."

Harry howled with glee.

"I wasn't joking," remarked the Auror, furrowing her brow.

The others looked just as confused, except Arabella Figg was grinning at the doubled-over teen. "Harry Potter, you are terrible!"

"S—She said it, not m—me," Harry pointed a shaking finger at Tonks.

"And would you care to tell the rest of us how Miss Tonks' statement was so amusing?" Minerva was becoming irritated.

"Yeah! I like to know if I say something clever."

"Because it happens so rarely."

"Shut up, Sirius!"

"Tidy…stingy," Harry recovered from his laughter with one last shaky breath, "what would Aunt Petunia say if she knew we had compared her to a goblin? She'd have a ruddy heart attack!"

Remus bopped his nephew affectionately on the back on the head

"You're getting as bad as your godfather," he teased. "Let's try and get this chapter finished within the next century, hmmm?"

"All right, all right, where was I?"

**…**

The room let out a collective moan of "Hagrid!"

"Easy," defended Fred, "He didn't know what a curious bloke he had standing next to him.

"All eleven-year-old boys are 'curious blokes', Mr. Weasley," sighed McGonagall, "Albus, you should really have a talk with Hagrid when we get back."

Harry read on quickly wishing he hadn't gotten Hagrid into trouble.

**…**

More groans and sighs.

**….**

"Shut your mouth," growled Mrs. Weasley, "you're making his curiosity worse."

"What do you suppose is in there?" asked Sirius.

"I have a hunch," Remus replied wearily, "I hope I'm wrong, though."

**…**

"The tracks change, so you wouldn’t be able to remember anyway," said Hermione knowledgably. "They have the same spell on them as the staircases at Hogwarts. It deters thieves."

**…**

"I know now," said Harry before Hermione could open her mouth. "Hagrid answers,"

**…**

"He wasn't looking very well," Harry recalled sympathetically.

**…**

"They won't get a Knut of it, those greedy… Ella can't you turn them into snails or something?"

"I've never so much as Transfigured a teabag and you know it, Sirius Black!"

"A man can dream, can't he?"

**…**

"That's ridiculous!" bellowed McGonagall. "They are given a stipend for your care every month you are not at Hogwarts! What have they been doing with it all these years?"

**….**

"Yeah, breakneck-speed," elaborated Tonks.

**…**

"Are you bonkers, Harry James?" Remus scolded sharply.

"No!"

"Yes," chimed Ron, Hermione, Fred, George, Ginny, McGonagall, and Arabella.

**…**

"Pleasant thought," remarked Hermione, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

…

"He's exaggerating, Ella," McGonagall whispered to the paling Squib.

**…**

"Come on, ask! Where's that Evans curiosity?" Sirius whined.

Harry beamed. He loved hearing what he had in common with his parents.

**…**

"I would mind if you did!" shouted Molly, McGonagall, Remus, and Sirius.

**…**

"It’s natural to be nervous , cub, you just got re-introduced to the Wizarding world. Hagrid never should've left you."

"Three years ago, Remus."

"Still," the werewolf muttered.

**…**

"What in Merlin's name is _mauve_?" blurted Ron.

" It's a color between rose and lavender," explained Tonks. "Hush, I want to hear what happens."

…

Harry swore.

"What?" asked Remus wearily.

"I'd forgotten he was there."

"Not a new friend, then?" ventured Tonks. "Who is it?"

Knowing she would get her answer, Harry read on.

**…**

"It can't be!" gasped Hermione.

Harry nodded miserably.

…

"He doesn’t remind _me_ of Dudley. Just that demon spawn of Cissa's," growled Sirius, "I think his name was Dray or something."

"Draco," said Remus automatically.

"You've taught him, then?"

Remus's nod was more like a grimace. "Has charm coming out the wazoo, that one."

"In other words he is the greatest git in the history of the world," Ron spat

"That title belongs Lucius Malfoy, son." Molly Weasley looked at her husband as though she could not believe it was he, who had spoken.

"He's got a point, Molls," said Tonks solemnly ignoring her glare, "I mean, come on, you've met the man. His son is probably just as bad."

"Of all the first wizards for Harry to meet, it had to be a freaking Malfoy," Sirius grumbled.

"Yet strangely," remarked Dumbledore his fingers laced together in thought, "they seem to be getting along rather well."

"Like that lasts," scoffed Harry.

"Do I need to have a word with my dear cousin?"

Harry shook his head. "I'm a big boy, Sirius, I can handle Malfoy."

"Besides, he doesn't really come around anymore," chimed Ron.

"Why not?" asked Remus.

Harry shrugged carelessly, "Scared of Mione, I expect."

"What on earth did you do?" McGonagall inquired of the blushing witch.

"Well, you see, I kind of…oh just read, will you!" Harry obeyed with the distinct impression that he both he and Ron would have to sleep with one eye opened that night.

…

"How would he be able to clobber you at Quidditch without a broom, Malfoy?" asked George.

Fred snorted, "Harry could be riding the crappiest broom there is, and still beat Malfoy! The Firebolt is just a nice bonus."

"Er…thanks for the confidence guys, but I'm not that good."

"Oh, knock it off!" scoffed Ron. "You're brilliant! You must be if you can get Hermione to pay attention to Quidditch!"

"You don't like Quidditch?" gasped Sirius gaping at Hermione with a dumbfounded expression.

"Not playing. I will watch though, especially if it's one of the Gryffindor games, I like watching Harry fly."

…

"Don't faint on me now, Pads," joked Remus glancing at his white-faced friend.

"Moony, do feel that?'

"Feel what?"

"James rolling in his grave. A Potter not knowing about Quidditch!" Sirius shook his head.

…

"Idiot," groaned Tonks. "No first year gets to play on the House team no matter who their Daddy is."

"Do you play?" Harry asked, curiously.

"I Chased for Hufflepuff from my third year to my seventh," she replied. "We should play sometime, yeah?"

Harry nodded enthusiastically, "Sure."

"Back to the story," Sirius whined impatiently. "The sooner you get rid of little Lucius, the better."

**…**

"You are the farthest thing from stupid," Remus assured him gently.

… **.**

Tonks smiled at Harry who was looking rather shamefaced. "Don't look so glum. I know you didn't mean it."

…

"He most certainly is not a servant," replied Dumbledore, his eyes without their usual twinkle.

**…**

"You shut up about Hagrid, you horrible rotten git!" bellowed Ginny fiercely. George gave his sister a sympathic squeeze, which made Harry think the Malfoy family was still an understandably sore point for her.

…

"Does this boy have a heart?" snapped Molly, tearfully.

"They're still searching, but I doubt they will ever find it," replied Ron. "He _is_ a Malfoy, after all."

**…**

"Neither had I," said Harry, interrupting himself.

**…**

"I can imagine, because once again, neither had I."

**…**

"Yum, ice cream," said Ron licking his lips,

…

"And you are terrible at lying," laughed Hermione. Harry stuck his tongue out at her.

**…**

"Way to make him feel good," said Ginny.

…

"You not from a Muggle family, pup,"

…

" Modern historians tend to think that there is a Squib somewhere in every Muggle-born wizard's bloodline," Remus stated in his 'Professor' voice, "Squibs can still pass along a magical core—dormant though it may be—that can be reawakened several generations later in a Muggle-born. That's one theory anyway. "

"I didn't know I was sitting on a lesson," said Sirius pretending to snore.

"Well you better wake up," grinned Remus glancing at the book in his nephew's hand. "Hagrid is about to tell book Harry about Quidditch."

This perked up not only Sirius, but also the rest of the Quidditch nuts, who sat in rapt attention.

…

"The rules aren’t that hard," scoffed the Weasleys, avid Quidditch fans that they were.

…

"Hey!" shouted Tonks indignantly.

…

"We'd have been delighted to have you," smiled the Auror.

…

Hermione smiled, "Oh, I love the runes books."

**…**

"We wouldn't mind the nothing books," said Fred and George together.

Molly shook her head at them. "Oh, honestly, you two! It wouldn't hurt you to touch a book once in a while!"

"Would too," protested Fred. Smirking, Harry tossed the book to the beckoning George, who dropped it immediately, feigning great distress. "See?"

"Potter, you nutter, don't encourage them," groaned McGonagall as Tonks picked the book up of the floor and returned it.

Harry laughed, stunned that the term 'nutter' had come out of his stern professor's mouth.

**…**

" Viridian, where have I heard that name before?" pondered Molly Weasley.

"He was a potioneer," answered Dumbledore.

….

"Atta boy," cheered Fred and George.

"I'm so proud of you," Sirius pretended to sob.

…

"It's a smashing idea," growled Remus, hugging Harry to him at the mention of the Dursley pig.

**…**

"In other words they smell lovely," Ginny wrinkled her nose.

**…**

Tonks whistled through her teeth. “Unicorn horns are expensive.”

**…**

"Oh, Harry. He wouldn’t buy the present if he didn’t want to."

…

As if on cue, there was a scratching noise and Sirius got up from his chair to open the grimy window for Hedwig, who swooped in softly and landed on Sirius's shoulder dropping Harry's letter on his lap. She nibbled the convict's ear, which, Harry was pleased to see, brought a genuine smile to the man's face as he stroked the snowy owl's feathers.

"Does she need water?"

"Please," said Harry as he continued reading.

**…**

"There you are, girl!" Harry smiled fondly at his owl, deciding to gloss over that detail about Quirrell.

…

Harry shrugged away the growls.

**…**

Remus smiled at him. "Everyone looks forward to wands. Your mother seemed especially thrilled since she was Muggle-born."

"How do you know?" Harry asked excitedly.

"Did I never tell you?" asked Remus in shock. The teenager shook his head. "Well, I first met Lily in Ollivander's, I don't believe I was very approachable at the time. You see, I was exceptionally nervous about getting along at Hogwarts with the er…badly behaved rabbit to contend with, and I had a habit of being rather sullen, but that never deterred your mother…she bounced on up, gave me this dazzling smile, and introduced herself, talking a mile a minute. Her excitement was infectious."

Harry grinned.

**…**

"Is it true that that's Merlin's wand?" wondered Tonks.

"I don't see how," Hermione replied, "I mean Merlin was alive in medieval times. His wand was either buried with him, or it's been lost for centuries now."

It was the first wand ever crafted by an Ollivander," said Dumbledore. "The current Mr. Ollivander's very distant ancestor. One hundred and fifty generations back, or so I am told."

**…**

"You can feel the magic?" gasped Ron incredulously. "Mate, that's amazing!"

**…**

Sirius nodded. "Charms was Lily-Flower's best subject."

Harry furrowed his brow. "I thought you said her nickname was 'Petal'."

"It was," said Remus, "'Petal', 'Lily-Flower'…"

"And there was 'Tiger Lily' if Mr. Black here wanted to annoy her," put in McGonagall.

"Actually,' 'Tiger Lily' was for when she had worked herself into a temper."

"Which you or James had often brought on."

"Touché Moony, old friend, touché."

**…**

"Personal space much, Ollivander?" sniffed Tonks.

"It was sort of creepy," Harry admitted.

**…**

"That was a bit uncalled for," bristled Mrs. Weasley.

"I'm used to people wanting to see my scar.”

**…**

"Hagrid’s a liar," sang the twins cheerfully.

**…**

'Dead already, I hope," breathed Ron. "Because Charlie is a huge dragon lover, and I wouldn't wish his wrath on anyone."

The other Weasleys shook their heads in agreement.

**…**

"Nostril-measuring is one of the wonders of magic, Harrykins,"

**…**

" _Almost_ at once?" repeated Sirius.

"Meaning after I whipped it around like a maniac and shattered the glass in his store window."

"Ah, well that's nothing a quick _Reparo_ can't fix."

**…**

"I think he rather enjoys a challenge," said Mr. Weasley brightly. "Out of curiosity, how many wands did you try?"

"Eighty-nine. I kept count."

**…**

So did everyone at the Burrow, "Well done Harry!" cried Remus squeezing his shoulder, "That was excellent!"

"Damn straight! " shouted Sirius joyfully, "Even his knows his a Gryffindor!"

Harry blanched from behind the book. _Sure, you're proud of me now, but wait until you hear about my Sorting!_

**…**

Tonks darkened her eye color in her confusion. "What's curious?"

**….**

"What the bloody hell is so curious already?"

…

"Yes, tell us before Tonks bursts." Remus had to be quick to dodge the Stinging Hex sent his way.

**…**

There was an eerie silence while everyone comprehended this. Finally Ron spoke up, "Your wand is the b—brother wand to You-Know-Who's. That's not possible…it can't be, "

"Yes, Mr. Weasley," spoke Dumbledore softly. "Very disturbing indeed."

"But what does it mean, Albus," asked McGonagall in a panic.

“Perhaps these books will serve to shed some light on the subject for us,” said Dumbledore evading the question

**…**

"And I was very glad to get out of there," Harry told them.

**…**

"Good!" declared Hermione, "the last thing you need is a bunch of star-struck people gawking and staring at you."

**…**

"Hello, what did I just say?"

Harry laughed, "Mione, I'm back on the Muggle side, you know they'd think it strange."

"And, besides that, your talking to the book," added Ron helpfully.

"Oh, right."

**…**

"No, really?" huffed Mrs. Weasley. “Why on earth would he be quiet?”

"Oi," shouted Sirius, "leave Hagrid alone."

**…**

"You are special, dear," Mrs. Figg assured him, "you're special to a whole mess of people, and not just the ones in this room. Never mind what the damned Dursleys tell you."

"Hear, hear," chorused the room making Harry blush once more.

**…**

"It's all right to be curious about that night, Harry."

**…**

"Without even telling you how to get on the platform?" Remus questioned.

"I managed," Harry hedged.

"And what does that mean?"

 


	7. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ron reads Chapter Six

"Without even telling you how to get on the platform?" Remus questioned.   
"I managed," Harry hedged.   
"And what does that mean?"   
"It means it's Ron's turn to read," Harry replied.  
"What if I don't…?" Harry shoved the book under Ron's nose, so that he saw the chapter title. Comprehension dawned on the redhead. "Er, all right, I'll read."  
Chapter Six  
….  
"His cage is more like it," grumbled Ginny to Tonks, who nodded in agreement.  
…  
"But wait, those are good things, aren't they?" asked Molly Weasley in confusion.  
….  
"Best place to be when I'm at the Dursleys."  
"Yes," nodded Sirius sarcastically, "and I'm sure there was a lovely view through the bars on your window."  
Harry's breath hitched. Oh no, oh no!"  
"Bars?" snarled McGonagall. "Bars!"   
Oh no, no, no!   
Arabella glared at Sirius before giving a solemn nod, which effectively dissolved any composure in the room. Molly Weasley fled the kitchen in noisy tears, her husband quickly following. Harry looked around the room before meeting the bleary eyes of his best friend.  
"Shhh, Mione," he hummed, rubbing soothing circles on the girl's back.  
"Harry, why didn't you tell me? I would have done something…I would have helped you…"  
"You would've worried, and I didn't want you to. I've got her," he whispered to Remus, who nodded, and moved to take Tonks off Ron's hands. (It was clear that the redhead had no idea how to deal with the sudden influx of sobbing women.)  
After about ten minutes, Arthur returned looking rather drained. "How's Mum?" Fred inquired, taking his sodden handkerchief back from Ginny and stuffing it in his pocket.  
"Not well," his father replied. "She's in bed for the night."  
"Should I stop then?" asked Ron.  
"No, keep reading," answered Arthur. "We started this chapter, we might as well finish it, and then we can all get some shuteye." Patting Tonks's shoulder one final time, Remus returned to his seat between Hermione and Harry, the latter of whom was gazing fixedly at the laces of his trainers.  
….  
The twins looked horrified at the mere thought of interesting schoolbooks. Sirius gagged dramatically, but it did not make Harry laugh as he had intended.  
….  
"I did the calendar thing too," whispered Sirius, who wanted to kick himself for foolishly causing a rift between himself, and his godson.  
"Me as well," said Hermione, while Tonks nodded.  
…

"Clearly Dudley has an irrational fear of politeness," snapped Minerva.  
….  
"Vernon Dursley is the first person, Wizard or Muggle, to be half-walrus and half-Troll," laughed Fred, "we must inform the Daily Prophet of this groundbreaking development."  
"Front page news, that," agreed George.  
….  
"Won't even deign to give the child a verbal answer," scoffed Arabella shaking her head.  
"I probably should've waited for one, but I didn't want to give him any time to change his mind," Harry explained, managing to soften the reproachful looks he was getting from the adults.  
….  
"Remind me to add five points to the Gryffindor total when the school year commences." McGonagall took a piece of parchment from her bag and made a note.  
"Er, what for Professor?" Harry inquired.  
"Your relatives are despicable, yet you still remember your manners, and that deserves a reward."  
"Especially since Godric Gryffindor himself couldn't be polite to that swine," Remus muttered.  
….  
"Carpets are illegal, except in The Middle East," informed Hermione.  
….  
"Oh really?" Sirius chuckled condescendingly, "why don't you just ask your wife, Dursley? Unless she has some kind of memory disorder, Petunia would know about the platform. She's been on the platform with Lily!"  
…   
Remus rolled about in laughter. " Barking, eh? Seems as if he remembers you from Prongs and Lily's wedding, Padfoot. Of course that best man speech was unforgettable!"  
Sirius's eyes glowed with mischief. "That, Harry, is a story for when you're of age, perhaps before your first Firewhiskey. And anyway, it's not as if Moony's toast was any better.”  
"It wasn’t that bad, I merely congratulated James on snagging the only girl at Hogwarts whose tongue had never been down your throat."  
"Find me a fifteen-year-old wizard who doesn't like to snog!" Sirius shot back.  
McGonagall threw up her hands. "Weasley, I beg of you!"  
Ron nodded, taking up the book.  
….  
"Aha, he remembers you too!" Sirius wagged his finger at the werewolf, and was pleased to see something of a smile on Harry's face. Too bad stories of Lily and James won't get me out of scrapes with Ella.  
….  
"Aw, come on," moaned Sirius. "The tail would make him interesting for once,"  
"Wise move," approved Tonks. "There's always an Obliviator or two at the station, but they prefer having as few memories to wipe as possible."  
….  
"Yes, she talked him into it," huffed Hermione. "Must have taken twenty pounds to get him to agree."  
"Sounds about right," Harry grumbled.  
…  
"Impressive," remarked Arthur. "The Weasley record is 10:38 a.m.,"  
"What?" Ron gasped. "When did that happen?"  
"Bill's first year, I took Bill and Charlie to the station while your mother stayed home with the rest of you."  
…  
"Too kind, if you ask me," Arabella growled. "That bastard has something up his sleeve!"  
….  
"They have too built it!"  
….  
"The car crashed into a tree, and burst into flame, so that the Dursleys died slow, horrible deaths?"  
Ron glanced at the next few lines. "I wish, Sirius, but no."  
…. (Ron growled out the next word) ….   
"Gits!"  
"Prats!"  
"Wankers!"  
Arthur narrowed his eyes at his children. "Might as well get it out of your systems while your mother isn't here. Mind you, if it weren't the truth, you'd all be over my knee in an instant!"  
"Yes, Daddy," Ginny smiled sweetly.  
….  
"Hermione Granger, don't you dare say Scotland!" warned Harry smiling.  
"All right, Scotland," said Ron. Harry mock-glared at him. "I'll keep reading, shall I?"  
"Brilliant plan."  
…  
"If there were one, I doubt you would be the only Muggle-born or raised child to get on it," Dumbledore whispered.  
"What a Ministry nightmare that would be," shivered Tonks.  
….  
Remus winced in sympathy for eleven-year-old Harry.  
…  
"NO!" shouted the room. Tapping the stand would’ve been a surefire way to call attention to himself.  
"Sweet Merlin, someone help him," cried Minerva.  
…  
It was Arthur's turn to wince. "”That wasn't the smartest phrase for her to say."  
"Who?" asked Tonks.  
"I believe that was Molly. This is where she and the boys come in, isn't it?"  
Harry nodded at Mr. Weasley.  
…  
"Hey, I was there too!" cried Ginny indignantly.  
"I know you were." Harry grinned making the girl blush. Had her hero heard what she had said that day?  
….  
"Mum didn’t forget, but she’s always a bit on edge when we're late," Ginny explained in response to the confused looks of the non-Weasleys. There was a murmur of understanding in the room.  
…  
The now twelve-year-old girl was blushing brilliantly as her younger self was introduced.  
…  
"Rotten luck, pup."  
….  
The twins smiled in anticipation of their favorite setup.  
"You only do that joke because Mum hates it so much," said Ron.  
"Exactly!"  
…  
"Oh, wasn't I?" chuckled George  
….  
"Really, a long nose?" Ron gave Harry a light punch on the arm.  
"Oi, what was that?" Harry laughed.  
"I do not have a long nose!"  
"Anymore," giggled Hermione. "You've grown into it. I just love your descriptions, Harry."  
"Yeah, well, let's wait for yours," Ron joked, "Bet you it's really flattering."  
…  
"That wall seems quite solid to me," Arabella observed, nervously.  
"Don't worry, it isn't," assured Remus.  
"Usually," thought Harry and Ron.  
…  
"Gotta love that positive thinking," smiled Tonks.  
…  
“Of course it didn’t come.”  
….  
The Burrow broke out in cheers as Ron read this, "Remind me to thank Molly later," remarked Sirius with Remus nodding in agreement. The werewolf had a disturbing feeling that the arrival of the Weasleys had been staged in some way, but couldn't say that to Sirius, who was too busy reveling in his godson's forgiveness.  
…  
"Hermes made the biggest racket of all," laughed Fred.  
"Who's Hermes?" Tonks asked,  
"He's the owl we gave Percy when he was made prefect," Arthur replied.  
"It was really funny to watch Perce try and be Mr. Dignified with Mum's fussing, Ron's first-yearness and a ballistic owl!"  
"So sorry I cramped your style," Ron grumbled.  
George waved his hand. "You can cramp Percy's style all you want, little brother…"  
"…seeing as he never had any in the first place," Fred finished.  
…  
"Trevor always seems to get away from him," Harry mused.  
…  
"That thing of Lee’s just has to be in my chapter doesn't it?" Ron muttered.  
"Didn't write it," said Harry again.  
…  
Tonks rubbed her own foot reflexively.  
"Personal experience?" Remus chuckled.  
"Oh, laugh it up!"  
….   
"Such a polite young thing," the twins cooed in a credible imitation of Molly.  
Ginny snorted. "You two should try it more often."  
…  
"Sorry," mumbled Fred sheepishly, as he received sharp looks from Arthur, Sirius, and Remus.  
…  
The Marauders' eyes shined with laughter.  
"Hey, they could've been talking about the Prince of Timbuktu for all I knew."  
"Fair point," Sirius conceded.  
…  
Harry blushed. "Now that, I can't explain away. Guess I wasn't used to people knowing my name." The laughter in the room died instantly.  
….  
"Sorry again," said twins chorused.  
….  
"You have your father's fondness for eavesdropping," observed Minerva with a sigh.  
"How much did you hear?" asked Ron frantically.  
"Er—not much, honestly!"  
…  
Ron blushed, rubbing his nose as he read this.  
"Honestly, mate, it's not a big deal. I'm sure if my mum were here, she'd embarrass me loads."  
"Ah yes, there was one nickname she really liked when you were young…what was it again, Moony?"  
"I believe it was—"  
"Moving on!" said Harry loudly.  
"I wanna hear!"  
"No, Nymphie, you really, really don't."  
Tonks's hair turned fire engine red. "One free pass, Potter. Just one!"  
"Hey, how come I never get a free pass?" Sirius whined.  
"You do," Remus replied. "It's called 'Ron keeps reading.' Ron?"  
….  
" Oh no, I can’t say bye to mother because I must polish my badge, until it's shinier than Lockhart's teeth," mocked Ron.   
…  
"Percy the Prefect," George chuckled. "We could've used that."  
…  
"The twins again. Geez, when do we get names?" joked Fred.  
…  
The toilet was her idea?" Minerva groaned.  
"You actually did it?" Sirius cried.  
The twins nodded proudly.  
…  
"Shut up calling me that!" hissed Ron to the twins, who just grinned.  
…   
"Thanks for noticing."  
"You're welcome," smirked Harry.  
…  
"Sorry, Harry," Ginny muttered.  
"Too many apologies!" said Harry pretending to cleanse himself of them. He heard the room laugh, but in truth, he was only partly joking,…  
…

"If either—no any—of you asked that, I would wear you out!" Arthur threatened.  
"They didn't," said Harry quickly.  
….  
Tonks gaped at the boy with a mixture of admiration and disbelief. "I can't believe you said that to Molly Weasley."  
….  
Sirius whooped. "Now that would cheer me up!"  
"It did," Ginny nodded. "Though, strangely, I never got that parcel."  
Fred shrugged. "Sorry sis, apparently there are sanitary issues we didn't think about."  
"I should think so," McGonagall huffed.  
…  
"Didn't know you found us that interesting," remarked Ginny.  
"Of course I did," replied Harry. "You guys were a real family."  
…  
Harry felt a wave of deep guilt as he caught the Marauders' downcast faces. "I don't blame you guys," he said quickly. "I would never blame you again,"  
"You don't have to," came Sirius's strangled voice, and Harry turned away, sure his godfather would want to keep the stray tears private. He wished more than anything Dumbledore would let Sirius join them. His godfather needed him.  
….  
"Was everywhere else full?" Hermione inquired.  
"Mostly yeah. I s'pose I could've sat with Neville, but his compartment was a little closer to Parvati and Lavender's than I'd have liked."  
…  
"Gee, thanks, Harry,” said Ron rubbing his nose.  
"Not like he was blatantly staring," scolded Ginny.  
"I wasn't blatantly staring. Was I blatantly staring at you, Harry?"  
"Er..."  
"Ronald!" Hermione screeched while Ginny cuffed the back of her brother's head.  
"Is it 'Hit Ron Day', or something?"  
"Yes!" both girls replied.  
"Well, all right then."  
….  
"We resent that!" the twins cried, but there were grins on their faces.  
…  
"Ronald Bilius Weasley!" Arthur snapped. "I seem to remember your mother specifically telling you not to ask him that!"  
"Well, technically, she told the twins not to ask."  
….  
"Even that is too much to remember from the night," McGonagall shivered, and she was not the only one.  
…  
"Did you really envy me?"  
"Of course I did! I mean I was new to the Wizarding world and you knew all kinds of things I didn't.”  
…  
"Not exactly like the Malfoys, no," said Remus kindly.  
"You're telling me, so sorry I insulted you guys with that comparison."  
Arthur shook his head. "It's fine, Harry."  
….  
"They are despicable excuses for humans!" Ron answered his past self with a growl.  
…  
"That too," Tonks agreed, "Though I'd have said it a bit more colorfully"  
…  
"Why on earth would that make you gloomy?" wondered Fred.  
"Yeah, Ronniekins, don't you love us?" asked George.  
"Let me read!"  
…  
Smiles slid off the twins' faces; Arthur seemed downcast. He would have to talk to his youngest son about this.  
…  
"And a true rat he is!" snarled Remus quietly, evoking growls of assent from Sirius and the Trio, and a strange look from the sharp-eared Tonks.  
….  
The Weasleys smiled at him, and he shrugged   
….  
"That didn't cheer me up, why would it?" Ron disputed hotly. "I'm gonna have a word with this J. K. Rowling person!"  
"Who?"  
"J. K. Rowling. That's the name on the spine of the book anyway."  
"Oh."  
…  
"Now I say, 'For Merlin's sake!'"  
…  
"You certainly are not the worst, Mr. Potter. Far from it, in fact."  
"He didn't get bad marks in primary school, either," reported Arabella proudly. "The Dursleys would've done well to have you tutor their dunce."  
Harry blushed at the complements. "I did tutor him, in a way."  
"His copying you schoolwork doesn't count, dear."  
Harry and Ron whistled discordantly as Hermione's shot them pointed looks.  
…  
Remus and Harry both smiled at Hermione, who blushed.  
…  
"Yes, get some," prompted Tonks. "She always has good stuff on that cart!"  
…  
"Don't look at me like that. I meant to eat, but I was in a hurry!"  
…  
Remus's mouth watered. "I approve of your choice, Harry."  
"So this 'Mars Bar' is chocolate, then?" deduced Sirius smiling.  
Tonks's jaw dropped in disbelief, before she turned to Sirius shaking her head. "Oh, the experiences you have missed, my friend."  
"S'not fair," he pouted. "Now I want one."  
"I'll get one next time I'm home, and I'll owl it to you," smiled Hermione.  
"In that case, you may continue hanging out with my godson."  
Harry raised a raven eyebrow. "Not that it matters, but are you saying that because she's promised to feed you, or because she rode a hippogriff for you?"  
"Wait a second," yelled Ron before Sirius could answer, "hold on, you're telling me that Hermione willingly flew on something, and I missed it!"  
"That's right."  
"Apparently, we both missed a great deal that night," Remus sympathized.  
"I suppose you'll hear about in third book with the everybody else," said Harry.  
"Why can't you guys just tell me now?" whined Ron  
Fred put a shushing finger to his lips. "Uh, mates, I hate to break this up—and I would also like to hear about this hippogriff situation—but I think Ginny's falling asleep here. "  
"Am not, just—" The redheaded girl gave a large yawn. "—keep reading, Ron."  
….  
Sirius whistled. "That's quite the haul."  
….  
"You don't?" asked Arthur, flabbergasted.  
"No, Daddy, Bill likes corned beef," Ginny whispered.  
….  
"It's true, then," chuckled Tonks. "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach."  
"It's especially true in Ron's case," giggled Hermione.  
"Hey, I'm a growing boy."  
…  
Remus shook his head as he took a huge bite out of the aforementioned candy.  
….  
"Anyone want Felix Summerbee, I've got forty-three of his cards already. As for Agrippa, he's really rare, I've only got two of his myself." Ignoring Sirius's teasing remark of "Chocoholic" Remus passed Summerbee's card to Harry, who turned it about in his hands.  
"Thanks."  
"No problem, cub."  
….  
Ron looked expectantly at Remus who nodded. "Also rare, I've got four."  
… (which Sirius happily envisioned breaking again) …  
"I'm truly honored to be your first card, Harry."  
…  
"I believe, Mr. Weasley, Harry's comment meant that he had heard of, but never seen me,"  
….  
"That easy," muttered Harry, "and we didn't see it."  
…  
"It is impossible for my likeness to stay in one portrait for long," Dumbledore explained. "It has several to visit, after all."  
….  
"Is that true?" asked Arthur excitedly.  
Sirius, of all people, nodded. "I put a few Muggle pictures in my room. It really pissed my mother off. I had to put Permanent Sticking Charms on the back of the frames so she couldn't take them down."  
….  
"That's not a bad starter collection, cub."  
…  
"Taking a big chance with those beans," Tonks warned. "Let's just say they'll never get in trouble for false advertising. I got a rotten-egg flavored one once" She shuddered.  
…  
"I did get one,” said George. “It was kind of salty actually."  
"I'll treasure that tidbit forever," Hermione wrinkled her nose.  
….  
Fred snorted. "Pepper's a pretty tame one."  
…  
"Your descriptions are quite picturesque, Mr. Potter." McGonagall smiled at her lion.  
…  
"Poor sweet Neville," sighed Hermione.  
….  
Mrs. Figg wiped a tear from her eye. "Bless your kind heart, child. You are so much like your mother."  
….  
"Don't know how I felt qualified to talk on the subject. Scabbers wasn't much of a pet," said Ron "Wasn't much of a human either," he thought scowling.  
…  
Remus scoffed under the guise of a coughing jag.  
"I see what you mean, Ron," said Sirius making little effort to keep his voice even.  
….  
"He could get the Kiss and it wouldn't be matter to me as long as Sirius was freed first." Harry surprised himself was the bitterness of the thought, but he felt no shame for it as he tuned back in to Ron's reading.  
…  
The twins were grinning maniacally. "Oh, Harry, you should have told us he fell for it!" Fred laughed. "That's brilliant!"  
"It wasn't funny," Ron grumbled.  
"I don't know about 'wasn't funny'," Remus answered, "but I'm quite sure it wasn't a real spell." Too bad, I would love to see the cowardly rodent show his true colors.   
…  
"You must've gotten a new wand third year, then," pondered Remus  
Ron nodded. "The wand I used before was Charlie's old one."  
…  
"I feel for you." Tonks grimaced. "He didn't take stellar care of the thing."  
…  
"Harry Potter, I do not have large teeth."  
He cowered slightly at his best friend's anger. "Er of course not, Mione! Did I mention you look lovely today?"  
Hermione blushed while the twins clapped for Harry behind her back.  
"Smooth," Sirius mouthed.  
….  
"Sleep was his most useful state", thought Remus, bitterly.  
….  
"No kidding," panted Ron. He was rather red in the face from trying to say all of that in one breath.  
"I talk when I'm nervous."  
…  
" All the books? Now that's enthusiasm," said Sirius. "Not even Lily obsessed that much."  
"I'm not that bad anymore," Hermione replied.  
…  
"No, Hermione, he was lying to you."  
"Be quiet, Fred,” Hermione shot back.  
"I'm George."  
"Don't start that again."  
…  
"You knew more about me than I did at that point," Harry laughed. "It was a bit overwhelming."  
"Yeah, sorry about that."  
…  
"Nobody knows about the Sorting before they get there," Tonks reminded her.  
…  
The room fell into an uncomfortable silence, "I didn't know I was ever that bad," whispered Hermione, hurt flashing across her face.  
Harry shrugged. "So you came on a bit strongly first year, so what?"  
"Yeah. Then there's the fact that I was a being a giant prat in the first place. I'm so sorry, Hermione."  
"Thank you, Ron, that means a lot."  
…  
" Of course I knew it was a dud. However did you guess, dear brother?" George remarked in an attempt to lighten the mood in the room.  
…  
"It wouldn't matter to us what house you were in," Arthur assured him, "your mother and I would still love you."  
…  
"I must assert that Voldemort was not the only wizard to ever be Sorted into Slytherin," Dumbledore pointed out.  
….  
"WHAT?" Sirius cried. "How the hell did that happen?"  
"My question is how come the Auror office wasn't called?" Tonks wanted to know.  
"I suppose the goblins wanted to deal with it in-house," replied Remus.  
…  
"Any Death Eater who avoided Azkaban in the first place wouldn't want to risk his neck robbing Gringotts," argued Sirius, "especially for a finished wizard like Voldemort…oh, come on, Arthur, it's only a name, and a stupid one at that."  
….  
Fred grimaced. "Not the best thing to say to Ron, mate."  
"Rookie mistake," George agreed, "He'll give you the Cannons spiel now."  
"I did not!" Ron protested. "And I'll have you know they’re are going to be good this year, maybe even win the league! I should really take you to a game some day, Harry."  
Tonks laughed. "And then I'll take you to a Harpies game so you can see some real Quidditch."  
"Now way! If he wants real Quidditch, he's got to see Puddlemere United. Now they're the best in the league."  
"After the Harpies…"  
"Black! Tonks! Weasley! As much as I like a good Quidditch debate, I would like to finish this chapter so we can all go to bed."  
"Yes, Professor."  
…  
"Merlin, not Baby Malfoy!" Sirius moaned  
"Lucky me."  
"You have no luck," Tonks declared.  
…  
"That's essentially what Crabbe and Goyle are," answered Remus.  
…  
"The red hair is somewhat of a giveaway," mused Hermione, "although I don't think that's what he meant."  
"OI! Lay off our family, you slimy git!"  
"Wuss goin on?"  
Fred's expression softened as he hurried to stow his wand in the sleeve of his cloak, "Nothing, Gin, go back to sleep."  
…  
"Good boy," said Arabella. "Stand up for your friends."  
…  
Minerva's eyes flashed. "I wonder if Severus knows this exact details of this little meeting. Well, I assure you, Mr. Potter, I will be taking Mr. Malfoy to task concerning his treatment of his fellow students."  
"Professor, you don't—"  
"—want any arguments, Potter. It is a done matter. Continue reading, Mr. Weasley."  
…  
"I wouldn't recommend it," Remus advised,  
"He was spewing rubbish about my family and Harry's dead parents!" said Ron, flaring up immediately. "What the hell were we supposed to do?"  
"Yeah!" shouted Tonks, Sirius, Fred and George,  
Remus to put his hands up in a gesture of non-violence "Hold your fire, everyone. I'm not saying that I don't admire the boys' spirit but Crabbe and Goyle outweigh them by quite a bit."  
…  
"That, on the other hand, was incredibly courageous," praised Dumbledore.  
Remus pretended to give a gusty sigh. "In the future Harry, I'd rather like it if you didn't do impressive things while I'm trying to be stern with you, "  
Harry smiled sheepishly.  
…  
"Why do people keep taking your food?" Arabella fretted.  
"It's all right, Mrs. Figg."  
…  
"You show him, Scabbers!" Tonks cheered, missing the disgusted look on her cousin's face.  
…  
" Wish you'd kicked him in the tail," whispered Harry, but only Ron and Remus heard him, because Hermione was elaborating on the exact state of the compartment.  
"…it looked like a tornado had been through!"  
…  
"He’s probably sleeping," muttered Sirius.  
…  
"Vol—de—mort," Harry enunciated defiantly.  
…  
"Bullocks!"  
…  
Arthur shook his head. "And I still don't believe it."  
…  
"Hermione, you were children," Sirius said patiently, "you still are and from the look of things we'll have to work on lightening you up."  
Ron noticed the gleam in the twins' eyes and quickly cleared his throat.  
…  
"Stupid smudge," Ron grumbled.  
…  
"Aw, don't be nervous, ickle firsties."  
"Don't call us ickle firsties!" said the trio together.  
…  
"Welcome to Hogsmeade Station,' said Sirius in an announcer's voice.  
…  
"Seeing Hagrid was really comforting," said Harry, who was also beaming.  
…  
"You're brilliant at observation, Harry," said Tonks grinning at the boy. "Ever think about being an Auror?"  
Harry shrugged. "Haven't thought about much of anything yet," he replied. "I suppose it would be cool."  
"It is," Sirius and Tonks agreed wholeheartedly.  
"Sirius and your dad were both amazing Aurors," Remus informed him.  
"And Mum? What about her?"  
"Lily was apprenticed under my cousin Andy in the Healing program. Your uncles were Aurors as well," Sirius told the Weasley boys. It was Ron's turn to beam as he resumed reading  
…  
All the adult wizards at the reading sighed nostalgically as they recalled their own first experiences seeing the school.  
…  
Sirius smiled. "I guess it holds true that the people you share a boat with become some of your best friends. That's how it happened with the Marauders too, isn't that right Moony?"  
Remus nodded. "As close are you three are now, it's hard to believe there was animosity between you on the train. In fact, you're so close that I doubt it could be achieved in one boat ride. Is there something you want to tell us?  
"Not particularly, but I'm sure you'll find out anyway."  
Sirius raised a bushy eyebrow. "Will we now?" His eyes traveled across the teenagers' faces. "I can't wait."  
"I can," Minerva muttered.  
…  
"And what would happen if someone didn't listen to Hagrid?" Arabella asked.  
"No one's been stupid enough to find out," Tonks replied.  
…  
"I assume Trevor makes an interesting boat mate," Ron laughed.  
…  
"That's it," Ron announced,  
"Well then," Arthur clapped his hands together. "I guess it's time to decide where everyone is going to sleep."  
Dumbledore declined board, claiming he had business at the school; after some coaxing, he convinced McGonagall to come and assist him. They both Apparated away, promising to be back at eight the next morning.  
Arabella Figg was to stay in Ginny's room on the first floor so she could avoid climbing several flights of stairs. The other guests (barring Remus who, still tired from his transformation days earlier, opted to stay in Percy's room) agreed to lodge outside in two large tents that Arthur had procured from a colleague to use at the World Cup.  
With this decided, Sirius bade them a grumpy goodnight and Hermione and Tonks helped a still groggy Ginny walk to the girls' quarters.  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
Sleep seemed to be eluding Harry that night, and he couldn't say he wasn't glad for it. Long-forgotten memories were now freshly imprinted in his mind, as though by a branding iron, and Harry was loath to give himself over to the nightmares that he was sure would come if he let his guard down.  
Harry looked away from the thinly gauzed night sky and into the bunk below when he realized, by the absence of his roommate's typical snoring, that he was not the only insomniac in the boys' tent that night.  
He and Ron were in the middle of a spirited, whispered discussion about the upcoming World Cup, when a sharp pop announced Lulu's arrival.  
"It be very late, sirs," she whispered, beckoning to them with the hand that did not hold a tray of milk. "What be so troubling that young sirs are awake?"  
" Just can't sleep is all," Harry answered. "Actually, Lulu, since you're out here, I've got a question for you. Is there any way…? Do you think you could…?" The house-elf held up her hand.  
"Lulu understands you be missing Master Padfoot, Harry sir. Lulu be bringing him here if you wish."  
"You can do that?" Harry cried stopping abruptly when he heard a twin snorting in his sleep.  
Humans and elf started, waiting silently for a few seconds as Ron tiptoed back toward the tent flap, but Fred merely rolled onto his other side and continued to slumber.  
"I think she can," he answered in a whisper. "I don't know much about house-elf magic, but I know it isn't like the normal magic wizards have. "  
Lulu nodded her head so that her bat-like ears swayed. "Wheezy be right, house-elf magic be very complicated, sir. And Lulu is not thinking it crosses the headmaster's mind to ward hidey-holes against a mere house-elf. If you be telling Lulu to bring you Master Padfoot. Lulu must do it. You is my master now."  
A new hope gleamed in Harry's eyes. "Yes, I do. I order you to bring Sirius to the Burrow after you answer one more question for us."  
"What is it, sir?"  
"How is it that you came across these books in the future and why were they sent to us?"  
The elf sighed. "Lulu is wishing you had not asked her that, sir."  
"Just tell us what you can, Lulu," Harry pleaded. "Please?"  
"What sirs must be understanding is that future be a very sad time. People be fighting and dying every day there."  
"Why?" gasped Harry while Ron's jaw dropped to the floor.  
"Because Voldemort be back, there be Second War, sir. Some people who be at reading not be in the time I comes from."  
Ron shivered. "Er Lulu, do you think you could say You-Know-Who instead?"  
The elf shook her head. "I is sorry to be scaring Wheezy. But Lulu is not being afraid of the name. Master James be teaching Lulu to say it freely."  
Harry was glad to know that his father of not been afraid to say the name either but he was also worried beyond belief. A Second War? And there were people at Burrow now who wouldn't make it!"  
"Who's dead in the future, Lulu?"  
The creature wailed, and reached for one of the twins' forgotten beaters bats. "Oi, stop her!" hissed Ron as she prepared to hit herself over the head.  
"Lulu!" Harry whispered firmly. "I forbid from hurting or punishing yourself. Ever! You don't have to answer that last question, let's just move onto who sent the books.  
"Future's future sent them originally, sir."  
Harry furrowed his brow. "What?"  
"Boy in letter to Miss Minerva call himself young Master's godson, sir. He say the Dark Lord be gone in his time, but even more good wizards be gone too. He say Future can prevent big battle that kill his parents, sir."  
"My godson is an…?"  
"He be an orphan like young Master, yes sir."  
"Well bloody hell, we have to send these books back! "  
Ron gaped at him. "Harry, mate, what are you talking about? We have the chance to stop a war here!"  
"So did my seventeen-year-old self, but he would rather let his godson's parents die! I would never do that! What have I turned into?"  
"No, Harry sir, don't be thinking like that! You is a good man in the future, sir. You is very pure of heart. You be having meeting with Future Wheezy and Miss Mione from future as well as others, and you all decides to send books back here to prevent war in the beginning, sir. The decision be very hard, but many more lives be saved this way, sir."  
This seemed to marginally relax Harry. Lulu smiled, pleased with herself.  
"And now I is thinking you should be going back to bed, sirs. It be very late and Lulu must be getting Master Padfoot now. I bids sirs goodnight."  
With a crack, the elf disappeared leaving Harry and Ron to ponder what she had said.


	8. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius reads Chapter Seven

Something massive and black bounded out of the Weasley orchard yipping joyfully, as it dropped a deflated Quaffle at Ron Weasley's feet, buffing the redhead's hand as it was scratched on the behind the ears.

"What d'ya want now?"

"He's saying 'throw it further'," George supplied. "Here, let me have a go!"

"I suggest you Scou _r_ the thing first," someone laughed. "He slobbers more than any beast or being I've ever seen, don't you, mutt?" Padfoot launched himself like a missile and landed with his gigantic paws on Remus's chest. " _Oomph_! It's nice to see you too, mate!" He turned to the Weasleys. "Dumbledore and McGonagall will be here soon. Is Harry up yet?"

Ron shook his head. "Dead asleep, he barely got any last night."

Remus nodded. "I'll get him, then. Go on, your parents and the girls have already started on breakfast. The way Tonks eats, I doubt there will be much left soon." Ron, it seemed, did not need to be told twice before he raced toward the house. Remus chuckled, before ducking inside the tent, and giving his sleeping nephew a small shake.

"Come on, Harry, it's time to wake up, cub."

"Five more minutes," the boy mumbled.

"Now _I_ would allow that, but it seems someone more impatient is about ready to jump on you if you don't come greet him."

In his semiconscious state Harry heard a distinctly canine laugh. "Sure, Moony, make me the bad guy."

"SIRIUS!" Harry catapulted himself at his godfather, and found himself being lifted off the ground.

"I missed you too, pup," the animagus whispered into his godson's hair, before putting him down in the doorway of the Burrow. As soon as her owner was upright, Hedwig took flight from the perch she was sharing with the Weasley owl Errol, and landed on Harry's shoulder, snapping her beak in Sirius's direction.

"What's got your feathers ruffled?" Harry laughed, as he petted her.

"I had to send Hedwig by Floo because animals can't do Side-Along. I don't think she enjoyed the experience. Ladies," Sirius greeted Tonks and Hermione who were seated at the breakfast table. "What's the matter, Tonksie, no hug for your favorite cousin?"

"Dumbledore is going to be furious," Hermione told the group at large when Sirius had released the currently turquoise-haired woman.

Sirius waved a dismissive hand. _"Noyez la vieille foulque!"_ ('Drown the old coot!")

"I daresay your French is superb, Sirius. I can never pronounce correctly myself, now, may I ask what you are doing here?"

"You may, Dumbledore, but I won't answer you," Sirius replied, sitting between Harry and Remus, and selecting a muffin. "As for being furious with me, that makes us even, doesn't it?

Dumbledore opened his mouth, but before he could utter a word, McGonagall spoke from the background, "I am sure Sirius knew the risks he was undertaking in coming here. He is not unintelligent, Albus."

"Of course he's not!" said Molly. "But what if someone sees him?"

"They'll just think they saw the Grim," Ron shrugged.

"What G—AH!" Molly startled when the dog-Sirius licked her face.

"That Grim, Mum."

"Down!" Harry commanded, laughing. "Bad dog!"

When Sirius turned back into a human, he was pouting. "I did not just hear you 'bad dog' your godfather."

"Oh, I think I did," Harry replied.

"How come you never told me you’re an animagus?" Tonks cried. "That's wicked!"

"I believe it would be prudent if you forgot this information," advised Dumbledore, "after all, knowing your cousin is an illegal animagus, and doing nothing about it, could be detrimental to your place in the Auror Department."

"If you're suggesting that I arrest him, I'm not going to do that! You will register once you're free, right?"

"Of course I will." Sirius nodded.

"Well then, I don't see how we have a problem."

"Why aren't we reading?" Ginny asked, as she trumped down the staircase freshly dressed, the de-tousled twins and Arabella Figg behind her. "Oh, hi, Sirius."

"Ginny. Ella." He gave them both a dazzling smile. "So, whose turn is it?"

"The round robin thing we established last night would say it was my turn" Fred answered taking his seat, "because Ron went last, and Tonks read yesterday—"

"—and then mine," added George, "because Ginny also read yesterday. But why don't you start us off. You just got here."

"Alright then." Sirius retrieved the book, and cleared his throat. "Hear ye, hear ye, I give you **Chapter Seven**

**…**

"But she really is a big softie, aren't you Minnie?"

"Padfoot, you do realize you just interrupted yourself?" Remus chuckled.

**…**

McGonagall nodded. "Very good, Mr. Potter. Can you repeat that for your godfather's benefit, or perhaps for your own?"

…

"Impressive layout," noted Arabella.

**…**

"The ceiling’s also enchanted," Hermione informed them, "I read about it in—"

" _Hogwarts: A History,"_ Harry and Ron finished for her. Hermione pretended to glare from her seat between them. (She had moved there so that Harry, Sirius, and Remus could all sit together.)

**…**

"Let's the anticipation build," said George knowledgably. "And gives you a bit of insight on who is adverse to hygiene."

A handful of people laughed.

…

" Every year, it seems that most of the boys tune me out after I mention the feast," Minerva recalled.

"Food always sounds so good after the long train ride," Ron explained. "Steak-and-kidney pie."

"Chicken and potatoes," said Remus.

"Treacle tart," added Harry wistfully.

"Do any of you realize we just had breakfast half an hour ago?" Hermione inquired.

Molly shrugged. "The mere thought of food makes men hungry, dear. "

**…**

"Your House is your family " muttered Harry, not knowing his godfather was thinking along those same lines.

**…**

"The same speech you gave every new crop of first years, then?" observed Remus.

"Essentially, yes."

"Except for the fact that we're not vegetables," giggled Ginny. Ron eyed his sister suspiciously. Ginny never got all giggly. She couldn't have a crush on Lupin, could she?

**….**

Harry began to sweat profusely. Hermione took hold of his hand.

"Harry, are you all right? You're quite clammy."

"Fine,' Harry nodded, managing what he hoped was a convincing smile.

…

"Your hair’s a lost cause," Sirius sang.

"Oh Merlin," Harry groaned. "Never do that again!"

"Sorry," Remus apologized. "I should have mentioned that Sirius sings like a tone-deaf banshee."

"Do not!"

"You can't carry a tune in a cauldron," Tonks accused amidst her giggles.

"And he gets the chapter with the Sorting song in it?" Minerva face-palmed, while Sirius grinned manically.

"I can't wait for that part! Let's see..."

…

"Fred!" the Weasley parents scolded in tandem.

"You heard him! He knew I was joking."

"Still scared me out of my wits," Ron muttered.

"Would it help to know that Charlie almost wet himself?"

Ron considered. "Actually, it does. Thanks, Tonks."

**…**

Harry would do just about anything to stop the sympathetic looks that were being sent in his direction. Suddenly, there was a mischievous glint in his eye, "You know, Ron, I can't wait to meet your brother in person. I'm sure he'd love to know who released that bit of sensitive information to the twins."

Tonks paled. "Harry, don't you dare! Charlie will kill me! "

"Our little Marauder is all grown up, Padfoot. Isn't it wonderful"

Smiling, Harry gestured for his godfather (who was pretending to wipe proud tears our of his eyes) to read on.

**…**

"How did a blue wig happen?" questioned George grinning in admiration

"It was accidental magic. Remind me to tell you the story later."

**….**

"Just the ghosts introducing themselves," Molly assured the unknown first-year in the book. Fred, George, and Ginny touched their noses instantly, none of them wanting to be the ones to inform their mother she was talking to a book.

**…**

Dumbledore nodded. "I tend to agree with the kind Friar."

McGonagall rolled her eyes. "Of course you do, Albus. I'll have you know, Peeves has a second chance, a third chance, a millionth chance. He has yet to prove he can be civilized at a feast!"

….

"Yes, exactly!" agreed McGonagall. “Thank you, Nick.”

**….**

"Had he really seen them just then?" asked Arabella in surprise.

"No,' said Arthur. "Nick likes to put on a bit of a show. Always has."

…

Tonks grinned. Her old House ghost was always there with a smile when any Hufflepuff needed cheering up.

…

"That wall thing is pretty cool the first time you see it," Ginny conceded.

…

Remus smiled. "That's not odd, cub. It's a normal reaction to nerves."

**….**

"Goblets that had an unfortunate lack of tails." Harry shared an amused look with Hermione. "Isn't that right, Ron?"

Ron pouted playfully. "Not everyone can Transfigure on the first or second try like you two do, it's hard enough with a proper wand!" Sirius went on reluctantly, not particularly wanting to interrupt the banter

…

"Not so breathy with the voice, Sirius. I don't sound like _that_!" Hermione's voice went up the octave as Harry and Ron poked her from either side.

"You were saying, Miss Granger?" Minerva raised an eyebrow.

"Prats." she sulked, "the both of you!"

**…**

If the scratching of quills were any indication, Harry guessed that the pranksters in the room would be no kinder to the Dursleys, despite lack of recent mention. There was a glint in Remus's eye, which obviously hinted at his Marauding past, but looked quite out of place on the man Harry knew as his old professor.

_**…** _

"A reference to an old Muggle trick," Arabella stated, before any of the Purebloods could ask.

**…**

Remus's arm gave the tiniest bit of a flick from behind his back.

**_…_ **

Harry, Sirius and the Weasley children got up and swept deep bows. Hermione rolled her eyes fondly, and proceeded to clap loudly along with the three ex-Gryffindor professors.

**_…._ **

Tonks waved cheerfully.

**_…_ **

"Well that was surprisingly pleasant!" sang Sirius before clapping a hand over his mouth.

Remus smirked. "The Tuning Charm," he informed the students. "Handy for times when temporary deafness would prove inconvenient."

The animagus stuck his tongue out, while room snorted. "Only problem," said Arthur smiling, "is now he won't be able to stop singing!" He quickly canceled the charm.

"I can't wait to get you back, Moony!" threatened Sirius once he had regained his normal voice.

"I'd expect nothing less, Pads, but for now keep reading."

**…**

"Honestly, Ron, " Ginny laughed, "Never take what these two say seriously!"

Minerva paled; knowing Weasley's joke was not far off the mark.

**….**

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "I'm sure that house would be quite crowded." Sirius, Remus, Arthur, Ron, and Ginny nodded.

**…**

"Go, Hannah!" Tonks clapped, bouncing in her chair.

**…**

"Yes! Two in a row."

**…**

The twins were clearly beginning to get restless, as they had begun to chant: "We want a Griffin, not some nostril picking!"

"Boys!" Molly said in exasperation. "Need I remind you this already happened?"

…

"Oh come on, Mum," sighed Fred, when he saw her glare, "we do that for all the new lions. Make them feel welcome, know?"

"Besides, Lavender's not bad-looking" George appraised. "For a coming fourth-year, I mean," he added when he saw his sister share a revolted look with Hermione. "Too young for me, but Ron can take her."

"Gee, thanks."

"Miss Brown is not some Muggle livestock up for auction!" scolded Minerva sharply,

Sirius took pity on the redheads (he had been under the McGonagall glare many times) and cleared his throat, directing everyone's attention back to the reading.

…

"Who is this Jim?" asked Arthur.

Hermione grinned at the man's excitement. "Gym is a period the Muggle schools set aside for psychical activity," she explained patiently.

"Fascinating!"

**…**

"Oh, who cares Dursley The Great Whale thinks?" said Arabella bitterly.

**…**

"Someone's excited," Remus smiled at Hermione

**…**

"You know, I really am surprised the hat didn't put you in Ravenclaw," remarked Harry in an effort to get the attention off Ron, whose ears had turned a brilliant scarlet.

"The hat took a really long time debating between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw." Hermione replied.

"You were very nearly a Hatstall, Miss Granger."

Harry turned to Dumbledore, "A what?"

"A Hatstall is a person whose Sorting takes five or more minutes," McGonagall explained "I was one myself. They are incredibly rare, and a near-Hatstall like Miss Granger is only slightly more common."

Dumbledore nodded sagely, "Inspired explanation, Minerva, I couldn't have put it better myself. Interestingly enough, we had a Hatstall that year, the first in over a generation.

"Who?"

"I believe we will find out if your godfather continues to read."

"Well, why did you say so?" muttered Sirius sarcastically.

**…**

"That would never happen, mate," Ron assured his friend. “Everyone gets Sorted.”

**…**

"Of course he strutted!" sniffed Tonks derisively. “He is a Malfoy after all.”

**…**

"Random sorting, or important character?" Arabella questioned.

"Completely random," Hermione replied. "I think she ended up in Ravenclaw, but our two Houses don't interact much. No classes together, or anything.

**…**

"Death Eater prodigy, how lovely! Pup, please don't tell me you have classes with them."

Remus shook his head amusedly. "Gryffindor and Slytherin always have classes together, you know that."

"Yes, but I was hoping that little detail had changed."

**…**

"Is there any other Harry Potter?" Fred laughed.

**…**

" _Yes,_ very _difficult to explain,"_ thought Harry. These damn books were going to reveal things he hadn’t even told Ron and Hermione, and they were his best friends.

**…**

"Not really a difficult decision," Remus started. "I mean your wand produced red and gold sparks, didn't it?"

"What exactly is your point?" Harry hissed, making the werewolf jump back, as though he had received a severe electric shock,

"Harry?" Worry lines creased Sirius's forehead. There was something his godson didn't want them to know, something Harry was keeping from them, and the defensiveness he was exhibiting showed that a nerve had been struck. Ron and Hermione shook their heads to indicate they didn't know what was wrong. "Harry?" Sirius whispered again. "What is it?"

"Not…nothing, I didn't mean to snap. Can we just keep reading…please?"

**…**

"Yeah, a great way to have everyone hate me," Harry muttered, quietly but not quietly enough for Remus to miss.

"Oh, cub, it that what you really think, that we'd hate you?" Harry shrugged mutely.

Sirius ran a hand up and down Harry's back until he felt the muscles relax. "No one hates you, Harry, not the Weasleys, or Hermione"—they shook their heads vigorously—"and certainly not me, or Remus!"

This shocked Harry into turning his head. "But, Sirius, you _despise_ Slytherin, and everything they stand for!"

"Remember what Remus told you, Harry?" asked Tonks, softly. "Remember what he said to you when he introduced the two of us?"

"He said you were an Auror, and that your evidence could free Sirius." Harry replied.

"And my mum?" she prompted gently.

"Is Sirius's cousin?"

The animagus nodded. "My favorite cousin Andy, my _Slytherin_ cousin Andy. The Hat wanted to put me there too, but I, like you, fought it. Didn't know we had so much in common did you?" He smiled as Harry began to relax into his hold, and once satisfied, returned to the book.

**…**

The twins repeated this routine getting a light chuckle out of the teen, and a grateful wink from the Marauders.

**…**

Hermione winced. “I hate reaching through Nick.”

**…**

Dumbledore smiled. "I shall take that as a compliment, Harry, thank you."

**…**

"A turban is a rather strange accessory," observed Arabella.

" _You have no idea,"_ was the Trio's similar thought.

**…**

"Thanks for that, Harry" said Ron grinning.

"But he didn't need luck," remarked George proudly. "He's a Weasley."

**…**

"The pasties were a long time ago, dear," said Molly.

**…**

"But of course, nothing makes me happier than a school full of eager young minds,” replied Dumbledore.

**…**

"Brilliant speech, sir!" Ginny giggled.

"Thank you, Miss Weasley."

**…**

Sirius read this with recognizable venom in his tone. Many in the room may have agreed with Percy's assertion if recent discoveries had not come to light, but now the statement warranted an outbreak of muttering.

**…**

"I don't doubt that?" remarked Arabella frowning. “You’d probably never seen so much food in your life unless it was heading toward Dudley’s mouth.

**…**

"Well you stop describing feasts, mate? You're making me hungry again." Hermione, Tonks, and Ginny rolled their eyes at the youngest Weasley son.

**…**

" Didn’t starve you? I beg to differ!" growled Remus wolfishly as McGonagall nodded in furious agreement.

**…**

"There are several things about Dudley that make me sick," chuckled George.

**…**

"Ah, the ghostly guilt trip," sighed Tonks rubbing her hands together.

**…**

"Oh Ron," Molly sighed. "He doesn't like to be reminded of little detail."

"But Mum, that's his name," Ginny pointed out.

"Your mother was talking about the 'nearly headless' part," clarified Arthur. "Nick has self-esteem issues when it comes to his beheading."

**…**

"Oh, it is!" Remus laughed. "This is his favorite part of the year, stunning firsties."

**…**

"That is quite disturbing!" Arabella looked sick at the very description.

**…**

The twins pulled identical faces. "Horrible that was."

"Quite embarrassing," Minerva agreed, "I could hardly look Severus in the eye."

"Then again, who would want to?" her fellow animagus muttered, receiving a stern look from Remus.

**…**

"Serves him right, for calling Hermione a—!" Ron hissed.

"Can it Ron!" Harry reprimanded giving Sirius a nudge. Sirius complied quickly, having a pretty good idea what caused such a reaction from his kind-hearted godson.

**….**

Hermione sighed at her raven-haired companion. "I really wish you had told us about the Dursleys then, Harry." He shrugged.

**…**

"Withholding the information can be potentially dangerous arrangement" Dumbledore murmured.

**…**

Harry saw both his father's friends flinch at the question about Neville’s family, but they turned away when they caught him looking.

**…**

"That's absurd!" Molly shrieked. "You can't force magic out of a child anymore than you can stamp it out."

**…**

"And Augusta still lets him near her grandson?"

"Molly, if you keep commenting on every bad parenting decision the woman ever made, we'll never get this chapter over with, The Weasley matriarch fell into a huffy silence, turning away from her husband.

**…**

"Oh, thank Merlin," gasped Minerva letting out a breath. "Algernon Longbottom will be hearing from me."

**…**

"Happy because the fall didn't kill him, I hope." No one could answer Arabella definitively so they kept quiet.

…

"Transfiguration is not the easiest magic," Dumbledore agreed.

**…**

“She had a needle in about thirty seconds," Harry bragged smiling at his blushing best friend.

**…**

"And you were full for once," Remus added reaching to sling his arm around the back of Harry's chair as Sirius had already done. Harry wanted to rest his head against them so badly, but felt like a rather awkward thing to do in front of everyone,

"You're going to fall," he cautioned.

Remus shrugged. "If I do, it will be because Sirius knocked me over and he will not enjoy the repercussions."

"You're no fun anymore, Moony!"

The werewolf smiled. "Just read, you mangy mutt."

…

"Still hasn't washed his hair?" Sirius snorted.

**…**

"Oi," Tonks cried, "what's wrong with your scar?"

…

Dumbledore sighed. "Not you, Mr. Potter, your father. They had a quite unfortunate rivalry in their schooldays."

"Maybe, sir, but I don't think he's very fond of Harry either, the way he acts in Potions!"

"Which is how exactly?" demanded Minerva, Sirius, and Remus.

Ron, quailing under Harry's glare, didn't elaborate.

…

"But he knows a great deal about Potions, so I believe I shall keep him in his current position."

**…**

"And you two ought to remember about the forest as well." Molly's stern gaze fell on the twins. "The owls your father and I have gotten!"

"Well, at least life at home isn't boring," Fred grinned.

**…**

"The personal eye twinkle," Remus smiled. "It was for your dad and Sirius in our day. They were the most mischievous of we four."

Harry smirked, not believing this for a second. "Really, because I remember a certain Boggart…"

"Now, cub, don't ruin the surprise." Remus's eyes had taken on a twinkle as well.

**...**

"Standard set of announcements," Tonks nodded.

**…**

"Except for that one!" she cried looking thoroughly alarmed.

"Oh, dear," Arabella whispered.

Twinkle gone, Remus had become deathly white. "Albus Dumbledore, what would you have in a _school_ that could cause painful death to students?"

" Don't fret, I'm sure the book will explain."

**…**

"No, he's Dumbledore, I'm Sirius."

Ron, Hermione, Remus, and Tonks rolled their eyes, while Harry said, "Really. Padfoot, I expected better puns from you."

"If it always gets a reaction, why should I stop using it?"

Tonks pretended to be in a state of deep thought. "Because it's old, tired, and completely unoriginal?" she suggested.

"And thus, always gets a reaction! Anywho…"

…

"Why?" inquired Ron, shaking his head, "The only thing that's special about prefects is the stupid badge they get to wear."

…

McGonagall groaned. "Albus, I have been telling you we need a new song for years now!"

**….**

"I agree with Minerva," said Mrs. Figg, as she uncovered her ears. (Mercifully, Sirius had not chosen to sing this time around, but he had taken the instruction to bellow at face value, causing Remus great distress.) "Perhaps something a little less specific next time."

**…**

"Odd choice," observed their father, smiling.

The twins shrugged. "We like to change it up," George remarked. "Year before that we sang it to 'Oranges and Lemons.'"

**…**

"That's the second horse metaphor he's used this chapter,” whispered Tonks to Ginny and both of them giggled.

**…**

"You're probably at the Fat Lady," said Molly.

**…**

"Or Peeves is blocking your way," chortled Sirius. "He always plans something to mess with the first years."

**…**

"Typical," chuckled the twins, clapping for their prankster patron.

**…**

"Low blow!" Sirius whistled. "It's _way_ too soon for the Baron card."

**…**

"I wish he wouldn't pick on Neville," sighed Hermione, "he gets enough grief as it is."

**….**

"Like I said before…" Ron said through gritted teeth. “It’s nothing but a stupid—bad”

"We know Ron," Ginny interrupted.

**…**

"They are really comfortable," George agreed. "If only these three didn't always take the chairs closest to the fire."

**…**

This clearly did not surprise the growling Marauders

**…**

"Yeah, I ate some treacle," Ron answered.

**…**

"No I have dreams anyway"

**…**

"What the bloody hell is this about!" cried Sirius.

Remus's eyes narrowed. "I'm telling you something about that turban is creepy, but I can't put my finger on it."

**…**

By the time Sirius had finished the description he was keeping a death grip on his godson.

"Ouch, Sirius, you're hurting me!"

"Why is this the first time I'm hearing about this, Mr. Potter?" Minerva demanded.

"I really don't like worrying people, Professor."  
  
"Well, next time, please worry us," sighed Remus.

"That’s the end, thank Merlin for small mercies," Sirius sighed as he passed the book along the table to Fred.


	9. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fred reads Chapter Eight

Fred reached to take it, and made a face when he saw the chapter title. "All right, I kind of wish I had taken my turn last time,"

"Why?" asked George

"Because this one is called **Chapter Eight**."

Sirius groaned. "That grease ball gets a chapter all to himself? Fan-bloody-tastic!"

"Maybe we'll be able to see how he treats Harry during his lessons," said Tonks, trying to placate her cousin.

"She's right," agreed Remus, "we need to read it."

Sirius sighed, "Yeah, all right, read it, Fred. But if he takes anything out on Harry, I swear I'll—"

…

"Will you all stop _staring_?' blurted Hermione, annoyed.

**…**

"That would be somewhat distracting," Molly sympathized.

**…**

Remus considered this, "Actually, having the ghosts help out the young ones is not a bad idea, certain ghosts, I mean. The Baron would probably scare them but I'm sure Nick and The Fat Friar would be glad to help out,"

"Still scares the hell out of me!" remarked Tonks emphatically. The trio, Sirius and Mr. Weasley nodded in agreement.

"You were not so frightened of the Bloody Baron until he chased you, and Mr. Potter Sr. around the castle for pulling that prank of him," Minerva pointed out,

The Weasley twins snapped up the heads, turning to look at their idol with a new level of admiration. "You and Prongs _pranked_ the Bloody Baron?"

Harry, meanwhile, was appraising his godfather with an incredulous look. "Was _everyone_ in my life destined for the funny farm?" he asked Remus who nodded with mock-solemnity.

"Afraid so, cub."

**…**

"I wasn't aware I was supposed to bring earplugs," huffed Arabella, who had jumped a mile in the air.

"It's in capitals," Fred shrugged.

**…**

Arthur shook his head, "At least you lot didn't go to school under Pringle, holy terror that man was."

**…**

"Boy, do you two work fast," Ginny whistled.

**…**

Several breathed a sigh of relief at Quirrell’s good timing.

**…**

"Merlin, she really does have nine lives!" breathed Sirius.

**…**

"Never understood how they teamed up like that," Ginny muttered.

**…**

"Thanks, little Harrykins, but we had help."

"At least someone acknowledges that," Sirius beamed at George, before capturing his godson in a playful noogie.

**….**

"If it were that easy," Arabella sighed to Molly. "There would be no Squibs."

"And maybe my boys would have gotten more than three Ordinary Wizarding Levels each," Molly muttered back.

Harry's Seeker-sharp eyes did not miss the hurt that ghosted across the twins' faces, and he was quite glad to see his Head of House give the Weasley matriarch a stern look at her comment.

…

"That's unfortunate," mused Mr. Weasley, stroking his chin, "because they subject matter could be interesting if his delivery wasn't so dry."

"Yeah," agreed Ron, "you'd think since he lived through it he'd be able to put in a dash of excitement."

"He can't change the lessons, Ronald, it he did it wouldn't be _History_ of Magic! History is supposed to be—"

"'Solid, verifiable, facts'" Harry imitated the ghostly professor to perfection, amusing the others, and settling his friends' argument with a practiced hand.

**…**

Dumbledore chuckled "Filius later informed me what a shock it had been to see the eyes of Lily Evans staring back at him."

**…**

Sirius whistled, "You've gotten tough, Minnie!"

"I've had more than my fair share of troublemakers," she responded. "And don't call me Minnie."

**…**

"Your match was coming to a point as well, Harry," said Hermione,

"Minnie didn't smile at me though," Harry replied accepting a high-five from Sirius.

"The next person to call me that is getting hexed!" McGonagall shouted twirling her wand. "You may continue, Mr. Weasley."

**…**

Arabella gave the woman to her left a bemused look, "Why are your smiles so rare, dear?"

"When you are teaching these four—" She gestured to the past and present pranksters in the room, "—you learn to keep expressions of amusement few and far between."

"Ah, so we did amuse you." Remus smiled triumphantly.

**…**

"I wouldn't believe any of his stories," Tonks agreed. "Chiefly because there are no vampire covens in Romania, I thought everyone knew that."

**…**

"Not suspicious at all," snorted Sirius. "Can't he at least pretend to know what he's doing?"

"That would be even more dangerous," Harry muttered, thinking of his de-boned arm second year.

Remus pinched the bridge of his nose. "Why in the name of Merlin do I get the feeling you're speaking from experience?"

"Because he is," answered Ron, Hermione, and Minerva.

"Oh, goody."

**…**

"I was still ages behind Mione, though."

Hermione blushed. "That because all I did first year was study."

**…**

"Well done!" Ginny giggled.

…

Fred made a face as he read this. "I'm surprised you can still eat the porridge after the chapter we heard yesterday."

"Just read, Frederick."

"All right, all right, keep your knickers on." Molly swelled while many of the others looked at the redhead in awe.

**…**

"It is true," confirmed everyone who had been who had been under Snape's tutelage

"You are having a talk with that man, Albus Dumbledore. Or I will!"

"Of course, dear Minerva."

**…**

"Never gonna happen," sighed Ron.

**…**

Harry smiled, and whistled to the snowy creature; she flew over and perched on his knee, her amber eyes flashing toward Fred, as though she were listening.

**…**

Sirius and Remus stroked the owl's feathers, and Harry had the impression they were, in a way, thanking her for keeping him company while they were gone.

**_…_ **

Tonks smiled. There were times when the Metamorphmagus really loved Hagrid, and this was one of them. "Just don't eat anything he gives you," she cautioned seriously. "Those rock cakes have broken so many teeth that I'm surprised Madam Promfrey hasn't banned them."

**…**

"What the hell did he do to you?" Sirius growled, his knuckles curled so tightly they had begun to whiten.

"Calm down Sirius. I know better than to let Snape get to me." Hermione raised her eyebrows. She knew it wasn't true and that Snape bothered her friend a great deal, but as he had said it to appease his godfather, she kept quiet.

" _Professor_ Snape, Harry," Dumbledore corrected softly.

"Come off it, Albus, it's not like he's here, and I doubt he's shown Prongslet enough respect for it to be reciprocated!"

Remus raised his voice above the quarreling pair and told Fred to keep reading.

**…**

"There's a basin in the bathroom, second door on your left," whispered Arthur to Arabella whose face had taken on a slightly green coloring at the description of the dungeons contents. The old woman excused herself nodding for the reading to keep on during her absence.

**…**

"Shut _up_ , great git! It's us you're sore at, not Harry."

"Sirius Black, sit your bum back down before I Floo home and get the Super-Glue!" Arabella ordered as she reappeared.

"Ella, did you hear what was just read?" asked the werewolf who, along with Harry, was exerting a great effort to get Sirius back in his seat.

"Yes, I did, Remus. Severus Snape is a sour man, and if he wants to chase ghosts that's he's business."

"Not when he involves Harry in the issue!" Sirius growled. "And what the hell is Super-Glue!"

"Muggle adhesive," Tonks giggled. "In this case gluing your bum to your chair, so I'd sit on my hands if I were you."

**…**

Minerva inclined her head in Harry's direction.

…

Ginny's eyes widened, as her gaze swept around the kitchen. "Does it surprise anyone else that Snape actually made a good speech?"

…

"Hermione Granger, a dunderhead?" gasped Fred. "Say it ain't so!"

"That's too ghastly to imagine," said George lightly.

**…**

"Even if you _were_ a dunderhead, you'd be _our_ dunderhead," assured Harry.

"Yeah, only Harry and I would be allowed to take the mickey."

Hermione grinned. "An immense comfort, truly,"

"We try."

…

"That's because it's an O.W.L. question!" shrieked Tonks indignantly. "How is he supposed to know that on his first day?"

**….**

"Apparently someone does know though" chuckled Remus looking at the witch fondly.

**…**

"Did anyone say otherwise, Severus?" snapped Minerva.

**….**

"Stomach of a goat, sir," Harry amended cheekily, "but we didn't learn that until spring term."

**…**

"It would seem he did expect that," huffed Molly reproachfully.

**…**

"Call on her already!" prompted Ginny in frustration. "She clearly knows the answers."

**…**

Neither, it seemed, was McGonagall. "I sincerely hope you are not consistently cheeky to your teachers, Mr. Potter."

"No, ma'am," Harry promised. That was something he reserved especially for Snape.

…

"You didn't tell them to! You were too busy cutting into Harry, you bastard!" Remus gave his friend a sharp elbow in the gut, as Molly glared daggers in the Marauder's direction.

"Might want to tell him to cool it," Ron advised Harry in a whisper. "Mum's fond of Censor Spells."

"The beeping can get obnoxious," whispered Ginny from Ron's other side.

**…**

"Well that was anticlimactic," said the twins together. "He's gone soft."

"You don't think…?" Remus mused.

"What?" asked Harry, eyeing his shrugging godfather.

"It's probably nothing, Harry, but if it comes up again I'll explain." This explanation did not sit well with Harry. "I'm not trying to brush you off, cub," whispered Remus, correctly interpreting Harry's face.

"Okay." Remus wasn't completely sure that his nephew truly trusted him. Those damn Dursleys certainly made sure he and Sirius had their work cut out for them.

**…**

"Oh no," said McGonagall. She knew that Longbottom didn't have a penchant for Potions, and the way he had been acting, something told her Severus was sure to exploit it.

**…**

"Sounds like something the rat used to do," Sirius hissed to Remus.

**…**

"Ouch!" winced Ginny.

  
**…**

"Don't stand there and insult him," Tonks hissed angrily. "Get him to the hospital wing!"

**…**

"So this my godson's fault, of course!"

**…**

"No Harry, don't push it," Arthur advised

**…**

"I'm sure you got the answer to that question when you heard the three of us in the Shrieking Shack," sighed the animagus, "Sorry he's treating this way, pup."

"It's fine, Sirius."

"And just what happened in the Shrieking Shack?" asked Molly, but those who knew wouldn't answer her.

**…**

"At least twenty a day!" Fred boasted, quickly reading when he saw his mother frown.

**…**

Dumbledore smiled. "There is nothing Hagrid loves more than entertaining company. I am sure he was thrilled."

**…**

Arabella was the only who didn't snort. "He named the animal _Fang_?" she asked worriedly.

"He's harmless," Hermione assured her. "Very friendly."

**…**

"Oh dear," spoke Molly, "What if the house burns down. He does realize it's wooden?" Her children and husband rolled their eyes, and Harry had to fight the impulse to join them.

**…**

Mrs. Figg relaxed, laughing with the rest at the display of affection.

…

"And the other half chasing us," said Sirius, winking at the beaming twins.

**…**

"Told you about the cakes," Tonks groaned.

**….**

The younger generation of former and current students cheered for Hagrid.

…

"Probably," George nodded his head. "We, dear brother, should offer him our services in facilitating the meeting."

"You will NOT!" screamed Molly.

**…**

Harry eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Whatever the reason, he knows, doesn't he?"

"Yes," said Remus softly. If Hermione didn't know any better she would've thought Sirius was looking awfully ashamed.

**…**

"Does he have to be so obvious about it?"

**…**

Ron and Harry chuckled. They knew Hagrid could talk about dragons for hours, and had seen it firsthand when it came to Norbert. Remus and Sirius exchanged a sigh of relief, glad that Harry's mind had, however tactlessly, been taken off Snape.

**…**

"Harry's birthday," mused Tonks, her eyes lighting up. "You and Hagrid were in Gringotts that day too, weren't you?"

…

"Very good, Miss Tonks," praised Dumbledore, beaming at the Auror. "It would seem that Harry is putting it together as well."

"Which is the farthest thing from 'very good,'" groaned Minerva pinching the bridge of her nose.

**…**

" _Vault 713!"_ thought Tonks.

**….**

She gasped, and Remus was not far behind her.

"What?" questioned Sirius staring at his cousin in alarm.

"I just figured out what Hagrid took from the vault! Oh, this is bad!"

"Very, _very_ bad!" Remus agreed. "But it would explain the title of the book."

"Pup?" Sirius whispered, Harry pout was all the response he needed.

"You guys figured it out a lot faster than we did."

**…**

"I think your curiosity is giving me a headache," complained Ginny.

Harry smirked.

**…**

"And that's all she wrote," announced Fred. "For this chapter anyway. Dear twin of mine?"


	10. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George reads Chapter 9

"All right, chapter nine is called **Chapter Nine**.”

"Can you repeat that, George, dear," requested Molly Weasley in a shaky voice. "I don't think I heard you correctly."

"I said **Chapter Nine”**

Molly winced, she had not heard wrong. "There had better be an excellent reason for this chapter title."

"I don't know, Mum," said Fred. "I'd say a duel is pretty excellent myself."

"That depends on who's dueling," stated Remus studying each of the Trio in turn. "Read on, George."

**…**

"You would hard-pressed to find a boy that vile," commented Arabella, her face contorted in disgust.

**…**

'"Never mind," she recanted abruptly.

**…**

"So Malfoy is now airborne git," groaned Tonks, "that's just what Harry needs!"

"It was actually."

"What are talking about, pup?"

"Oh, nothing," Harry replied, determined to keep a straight face despite Sirius's pouting.

"You're a horrible liar, you know? Tell me."

Harry shook his head.

"Tell me!"

"Nope."

"Moony," whined the convict tugging on the sleeve of his best friend's robes. "Make Harry tell me!"

The werewolf smirked. "Don't worry, Padfoot. The book will probably say, and if it doesn't we'll use other methods to get it out of him."

Harry gave the two Marauders a calculating look, before sliding down to the floor and sitting in front of his vacant chair.

"That can't be sanitary," Hermione cautioned.

"Don't worry, Hermione, Mum cleans the kitchen every morning," laughed George.

"You would too in a house with seven men," muttered Molly as he continued reading.

**…**

"Ron reasonable? Will there's a first time for everything."

"Be quiet, Ginny," her older brother shot back.

…

"I doubt he knows what a helicopter even is!" snorted Tonks.

**…**

Arthur chuckled. "I give you points for the colorful embellishment, son, but I believe the obstacle in question was a tree."

**…**

"No kidding," said Harry, "and the rest of the time, Dean was talking football. Good thing Neville and I didn't mind sports, or we'd have to sleep in the common room. "

**….**

"It's a Muggle poster Ron," Fred reminded him, "it won't move. "

"I know that!"

**…**

"Poor boy," hummed Arabella.

**…**

"Not that I hadn't tried," the blushing witch grinned.

…

"Quit repeating yourself Mione," Harry teased, causing her to reach down and ruffle his hair, which she knew he hated.

"Oi!"

"Relax mate," Ron laughed, "it' looks cool."

"Your dad used to love to keep it like that," Remus smiled. "He said it made him look like he had just gotten off his broom."

**…**

"I love that book," Sirius smiled. "But those are more style tips for Quidditch players who already know how to fly well."

**…**

"Gee, thanks,” Hermione snarked.

**…**

"Yet another example of Malfoy the prat!" George sneered.

…

"Those things never tell you what you forgot, that's why they're useless."

**….**

"Please don't fight," begged Mrs. Weasley rubbing her temples.

**…**

McGonagall raised an eyebrow, as did Sirius, Remus, Tonks, and Dumbledore,

**…**

"Perfect flying weather," announced the twins in tandem.

**…**

Arabella beamed. "Your descriptions are lovely, dear."

Harry opted for "Thanks, Mrs. Figg," deciding it was useless to try and reiterate that he had not penned the books.

**…**

Both of the twins nodded in agreement with their past statements. "They do."

**…**

"What _were_ you waiting for?" asked Tonks.

"Her," said Hermione.

"Oh, good point."

…

"A natural!" Sirius cried, pride for his godson shining in his eyes. Remus was also grinning.

**…**

"And mine whacked me in the face," grumbled Ron, causing the twins to double over in hysterics.

"George, read!" Arthur commanded. "And don't pick on your brother, you two."

**…**

"That is a very interesting theory, indeed," mused Albus Dumbledore. "I will have to ask Rolanda to test it out, Harry."

"Did you know he was still there?" Harry whispered, craning his neck upward to his godfather. His headmaster had been so quiet, that Harry had forgotten he was there.

Sirius shook his head. "But I've found it refreshing."

**….**

Ginny paled. "There isn't a one is there?"

George shook his head.

…

  
"Oh, shit!" and similar swears circulated through the room.

"He's going to crash!" Tonks screamed.

**…**

"We never did that broon," McGonagall whispered.

**…**

The room—the Quidditch players in particular—winced in sympathy for Neville.

**…**

"Have _you_ looked in the mirror lately?" the raven-haired teen asked, in a would-be-innocent voice that caused Molly to sigh.

"Harry, dear, try not to let my sons' cheekiness rub off on you."

"You wound us, Mum," George pouted. "Ginny can be plenty cheeky, and it just so happens that none of us have seen this side of Harrykins before."

"Too bad," lamented Fred. "Honestly, Harry, you shouldn't waste all the good comments on Malfoy and your piggy cousin."

"Sorry, I'll try harder."

"See that you do, young man," Sirius admonished playfully, earning a dig in the ribs from Remus who added:

"Sparingly and not on the two of us."

"Oh, I wouldn't dream of cheeking the two of you," Harry joked. There wasn't a sound in the room Hoping he had taken the remarks too far, (which had caused many encounters with his uncle that he would rather not think about, thank you) Harry, too, fell silent. Neither of the Marauders (their eyes shining with amusement) had a retort so George cleared his throat.

**…**

"Sticking up for Malfoy, Parkinson?" Hermione scoffed in a similar way.

"She probably wants to be Malfoy's lover or something." Ron snickered to Ginny and Tonks who pulled disgusted faces.

"Ronald!" Hermione screeched. "They were _eleven_ , for Merlin's sake!"

"Bad image," Harry whispered.

 _But it still works!_ Ron thought as the twins flashed him a thumbs-up. The three Weasley boys had acquainted themselves with a number of trouble signs when Harry had first stayed at the Burrow, and had become rather adept at diverting his attention when needed.

**…**

"Good, Harry, stand up to him," Tonks encouraged.

**…**

George read this with mounting excitement. Oliver had not told them the exact circumstances that had landed Harry on the team, only that he was brilliant enough for McGonagall to ask the headmaster to bend the first-year rule.

…

"Uh-oh, bad sign of your temper coming out, mate."

**…**

"Seems he didn't except you to follow him," Sirius mused, a hint of satisfaction in his voice.

**…**

"Bloody awesome!" breathed the twins, gaping at their teammate.

**…**

"Yes, what _will_ he do without his bodyguards?" Tonks sneered.

"You really hate the Malfoys don't you?" Harry asked, glancing at the normally genial Auror in sympathy.

"My _dearest_ aunt hasn't spoken to Mum in over twenty years." Tonks shook her head, as if clearing an unpleasant memory. "Can we keep reading, please?"

**…**

"Sweet Merlin!" Remus gasped. "I wish I could've seen that in person,"

"It was _brilliant_ ," exclaimed Ron, his face splitting into a grin, "absolutely amazing!"

"Oh, no," groaned George.

"What?"

**….**

"What are you doing there, Minerva?" inquired Mrs. Figg.

"My office window faces that field," she replied. "I saw the whole thing."

"You're going to give him detention, aren't you?"

"You shall see, Black."

…

"She's right you know," Molly Weasley huffed.

**…**

"You won't even hear them out?" Sirius cried glaring at her.

**…**

Fred laughed. "Naïve little Harry, we've done way worse and she hasn't expelled _us_."

"Yet," said Molly and Minerva in unison.

**…**

McGonagall looked at Harry in shock, but he only shrugged at her. "I thought you were going to write them."

"Not over something as minor as this, Harry," Arthur assured him.

"Yeah," said Ron, "just for the other time."

"What other time?" asked the Marauders.

**…**

"For the last time Harry, they are not going to expel you!"

"Ginny, enough!" said Remus sternly, succeeding in quieting the girl, Molly shot a glare at the werewolf, but George read on before she could say anything that would prove rather hypocritical.

**….**

Minerva looked scandalized. "I would never!"

"At any rate, Harry, I had long ago banned the use of corporal punishment at Hogwarts," Dumbledore informed him gravely, while Sirius and Remus felt their stomachs drop. _Was this what Harry had come to expect from every adult he came in contact with?_

**…**

"You're not the only confused one, kid," commiserated Tonks furrowing her brow.

"Wood," Remus whispered to himself, trying to place the name, "Wood..."

"Yes, we know his bloody name, Moony!" Sirius cried, but Remus didn't hear him because he was looking at Harry, who grinned and nodded.

"Padfoot, our nephew is _absolutely and unequivocally brilliant!"_

"I…er, agree with…pup, I think you broke Moony."

Fred chuckled. "We were pretty sure McGonagall had broken Wood, too."

" _Who in Merlin's saggy shorts is Wood?"_

"Oliver Wood," Minerva replied, "is a former Quidditch captain."

"Former Qui..."

**…**

"FIRST-YEAR SEEKER!" Sirius shouted, jumping out of his chair. "FIRST…COME 'ERE YOU!"

Laughing, Harry untangled his limbs, but before he could stand up properly, he was spinning around in his godfather's arms.

George paused to wait for them, but a grinning Tonks shook her head. "Keep going, the three of them will be celebrating this one for a while."

**…**

"Yes," shouted the readers proudly.

"And I think I'm dizzier now than I was then."

Remus laughed. "Maybe we should put him down now, Padfoot."

Sirius sighed dramatically. "All right, fine." He carried Harry to the vacant chair set him down, before taking his own seat. "But we are not done celebrating!"

**…**

"Oh, they had!" said Fred, nodding adamantly. "He wasn't even that happy when Katie finally agreed to go out with him, and that took a while."

"Katie was dating Oliver?" questioned Harry

"Still is," George replied. "You didn't know?"

"No I didn't know,"

"Ooh!" snickered Sirius, wiggling his eyebrows, "does my little godson have a crush on Katie the...er, Katie the…"

"Chaser," Remus supplied.

"Thank you Moony!"

"Yeah, _thanks_ Moony," Harry grumbled his face aflame, "and no, I do not! Katie's brilliant and everything, but—"

"But?"

"Oh, honestly, leave the poor boy alone!" Tonks demanded laughingly, her hair turning a dark magenta. "You two are insufferable!"

"But she's just not Cho, is she?" Hermione whispered low enough so only Harry could hear her over George's renewed reading.

…

That sobered the Marauders up quickly. If James had lived, he would've taken his son to a game a month at least.

…

**“How bad was it, anyway?" Harry wondered, spitting out the question in time to stop his godfather from voicing another comment about Snape.**

"I don't really care to remember," Fred replied, shivering.

**…**

"Yes he would," whispered Sirius, smiling.

**…**

"Chaser," said Remus before Harry could ask. "A great one, too,"

"Did you read my mind or something?"

The werewolf smirked. "You're as easy to read as your mother was."

"Am not."

"Oh, I'm afraid you are," teased Sirius

"But that's not necessarily a bad thing, Harry," Hermione assured him. "It's not like you need to become an Occlumens this second."

"Come again?" said Ron in confusion.

Catching Hermione's long-suffering look, Dumbledore stepped in, "An Occlumens, Mr. Weasley, is a wizard skilled in protecting his or her mind from external penetration, or Legilimency."

"Oh, sorry, sir."

"It's quite alright, dear boy. After all a day without the acquisition of knowledge is a day sadly wasted; and now, I believe we have some more knowledge to gain regarding our friend Harry's first year. Mr. George Weasley?"

**…**

"Good luck with that!" snorted the Auror. “Nothing’s ever secret at that school.”

**…**

"It was, too bad it was caved in," groaned Fred.

"That was a good one, too," sighed Sirius.

**…**

"Good Lord," remarked Arabella. "You'd think that boy was obsessed with Harry."

**…**

Tonks sighed. "You shouldn't have challenged him Harry. Probably the only thing my mom bothered to teach me about Purebloods, is that they set a big store by Family Honor."

"I'll remember that."

**…**

"That's the most asinine idea I've ever heard!" Molly shrieked.

"And judging by the chapter title…" Minerva paled.

"It's okay, Professor, there wasn't a duel," Harry assured her.

"Should I take that to mean that to mean you came to your senses and didn't go through with this?" Remus inquired.

**…**

"Ronald Bilius Weasley!" Despite his quiet tone, there was obvious anger in Arthur's voice. "You never accept a duel on behalf of someone else. That can be extremely dangerous!"

"Yes, Dad, I know. "

"Good."

**…**

Remus raised an eyebrow. Harry's rivalry with Malfoy was turning out quite like James and Sirius's feud with Snape. This was not going to go well

**….**

A balled up napkin hit the side of Ron's cheek courtesy of Ginny.

**…**

"For which we are all grateful," breathed Molly.

**…**

"That's actually a good plan," approved Tonks, then, catching the matriarch's glare she added, "Oh, come on, Molly, the last thing Malfoy would expect is a Muggle-style fistfight. And since neither of them know any magic, it's really a battle of wits."

…

Harry laughed. "This was one lecture I wish we'd remembered, then we could have repeated it when you finally cracked and decked Malfoy and bloodied his nose!"

"I did not _deck_ Malfoy!"

"I really hope you're being modest," Sirius chortled, "because that is something I can't wait to read about!"

"Hear, hear," chorused the twins and Tonks, while Molly muttered something about the Black cousins encouraging violence.

…

Hermione swatted Ron on the head. “You’re so rude, sometimes.”

…

Now she swatted Harry. “So are you.”

…

"That's really strange," mused Tonks. "Madam Promfrey can mend wrists in a second."

**….**

"Or, better yet, you could just go to sleep and forget this ever happened," suggested Remus hopefully.

"Is that what you guys and Dad would've done."

"Probably not," admitted Sirius.

" _Definitely_ not," amended McGonagall.

"But I'd suggest it to them too," muttered Remus, knowing he was fighting a losing battle.

**…**

The adults sighed.

…

"No, you'd better stay precisely where you are!"

"It's in the past, Molly, dear."

**...**

"What did you do," Fred gasped, "wait in the common room for them?"

Hermione nodded.

**….**

"Is that so?"

Harry paled, under his friend’s stare, which could easily rival that of Professor McGonagall. "Come on now, Mione, you know I my animal comparisons are the highest form of flattery."

"Dudley the blond gorilla, dear," Arabella reminded him.

"Yeah, okay, maybe not all of them…Hermione?"

Hermione couldn't take it anymore; she burst into laughter. "Harry it's fine. It was a long time ago."

…

"Ronald!"

"He didn't say that, that was me."

"All right, Harry then."

"It's okay, Mrs. Weasley, really. I would've told me to go away as well."

….

"Ooh, bad luck."

**….**

"Did you really think either of them would back you up at this point?" asked Ginny.

"I would've," Harry replied.

**…**

"Shit!" Sirius whispered, "Mrs. Norris?"

**…**

"Awesome," he cried. "We think alike, Ron."

**…**

"What is he doing out there?" Arabella questioned. "Is he part of this whole thing?"

McGonagall shook her head. "I am pretty sure he just forgot the password."

**…**

"This kid Neville has good instincts," Tonks remarked. "But if he doesn't quiet down, he's going to get the lot of you caught."

**…**

"You're a good friend, Harry James," Remus praised.

**…**

Ginny twirled her wand, smirking evilly. "Good curse to know."

"You'd think that as many times as Ginny has used that curse on you, and you don't know how it works," George chuckled.

"This is Book me and he's eleven," Ron reminded him.

"So is Book Hermione, but I have a feeling she is going to tell you how to use it."

"Actually I was twelve."

**…**

"That's me, always the peacemaker."

“Very Moony-like,” Sirius mused.

Harry smiled

**…**

Arthur looked around the room, "Is anyone besides me getting a bad feeling about this?"

**…**

"Wouldn't out it past him to cheat," Fred murmured.

**…**

Fred flinched. "I also wouldn't put it past him to set you up, which is clearly what's happened here."

"Thank you for that bulletin, Weasley."

Fred saluted his Head of House.

….

"Quickly is good right about now" breathed Tonks, who could feel her stomach dropping,

**…**

"Very astute this Filch,” Arabella laughed.

**…**

Arthur groaned. "That's bound to alert Filch!"

**…**

"Good!" Remus yelled, "get out of there all of you!"

**…**

Sirius let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. "Okay, I think you've lost him."

**….**

Godfather and godson grinned, and high-fived each other.

**….**

"Sorry," she apologized blushing.

“To answer your question, it had occurred to us,” laughed Harry.

**…**

"Never is simple when it comes to us," Ron sighed.

**….**

"He'll get them caught, won't he?" moaned Arabella.

"Don't worry," George answered "The only thing—"

"—Filch hates more than students—"

""—is Peeves," the redheaded twins finished in unison.

"He's the best thing that could happen to them right now," Remus assured the old woman who, having tried to keep track of the speaking twin, was now massaging her neck. Remus turned to the Trio, "And I suggest you use the distraction to head for the Tower."

….

"Don't squeal on them" Sirius wheedled. "Come on Peevesie, be a pal, will ya?'

…

The twins and Marauders nodded fervently, "Never, ever swipe at Peeves," Remus cautioned.

**…**

"Bit dramatic there, eh, Ron?" Tonks chuckled, a touch of concern coloring the end of her statement as she watched her ex Transfiguration professor become quite pale.

**…**

"A first-year level spell," Minerva murmured to herself. "A dratted first-year level spell."

**….**

The youngest Weasley shook her head, smirking. No wonder her brothers got along so well with the poltergeist.

**….**

"Yes, what now?" questioned Molly, burying her head in her husband's shoulder.

**…**

"Okay?" drawled Fred.

**…**

George read through the passage very quickly, his voice drained of its usual humor. When he was done, Molly and Arabella were sobbing into each other's arms, and Tonks had removed her hand from her mouth and begun hurling insults at Dumbledore that would have made her Black ancestors proud. Harry was quite surprised that Sirius didn't join in, but he supposed it took all of his godfather's strength to reign in not only his own fury, bur also that of an amber-eyed Remus whose wolf seemed ready to attack the headmaster at any given moment.

"HOW DARE YOU ENDANGER THE LIVES OF THE CHILDREN ENTRUSTED TO YOUR CARE!" he bellowed, looking quite feral indeed.

"I assure you, my lad, they were properly warned."

"… _Irresponsible! Merlin-damned!_ " Tonks stopped mid-rant, and Harry was almost certain her hair was crackling with electricity. _"Did_ — _you_ — _just_ — _say_ —PROPERLY WARNED?"

"Why yes, Nymphadora. I mentioned it at the start of term feast, if you recall."

"You know what Dumbledore, you can go suck Merlin's saggy balls," Sirius growled. "I don't give a flying—” Remus indicated the room full of teenagers “—fudge whether they were warned or not. That—that _mutant_ does not belong in the school. And Godric **knows** if my godson or his friends were injured—"

"We weren't." came the faint whisper, at which Sirius immediately softened and lowered his tone.

"What did you say, pup?"

"I said we weren't," Harry repeated, "There's more to the chapter if you'll let George read it."

" _More_?" said Molly weakly. "I don't think I could take much more right now."

Ginny nodded sympathetically, looking at the book in her brother's hands. "It's all right, Mummy, it's almost over."

**….**

"I should hope Filch would be the option of choice," said Remus tiredly; he had had to struggle for dominance over his body.

**…**

"Good, please tell me she's back from her visit."

…

"Believe me, I'm not sure you want to know," replied McGonagall.

**…**

"The prize-winning question, son," Arthur muttered.

…

Arabella and Harry both made sounds that were somewhere scoffs and snorts. "It's the dog version of my dear cousin," Harry whispered in response to Sirius's raised eyebrows. The corners of the Marauders' mouths twitched; distractive humor was something they would have expected from James.

**…**

"I was too terrified to look at its heads," Hermione admitted.

…

"Er, shouldn't that be the other way around?" asked Tonks, making switching motions.

Sirius nodded, turning eyes full of kind concern on the witch. "Hermione, I know we've been teasing you about being too adult, and telling you to lighten up, but your life and the lives of others should always be highest priority."

"I know it was a stupid thing to say, and I don't think that way now."

**…**

"Sometimes I wish your memory weren't so good, cub."

 


	11. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur reads Chapter 10

_"Sometimes I wish your memory weren't so good, cub."_

"I second that," Arthur echoed. "Anyway, I suppose it would be my turn now?" He received the book, and turned it to the correct page.

**Chapter Ten**

**….**

"And who wouldn't be tired after they've had visions of vicious dogs dancing in their heads?" quipped Fred.

"That _thing_ is not a dog!" Molly protested shrilly, "and furthermore, it is nothing to joke about!"

**….**

"But we were wrong, very, very, wrong," Harry assured Remus, who was putting enough pressure on the teen's ear to stop just short of hurting him.

"That's what I thought you meant," the werewolf replied, giving the ear a gentle flick before he let go.

**…**

"It's both," Tonks replied.

…

"That's because I'm more sane than the two of you put together," Hermione teased.

"You _were_ ," Harry corrected, "but I think we've fixed that by now."

**…**

Harry squeezed Hermione's hand, while Ron grinned at her, both trying to convey that this was no longer true. She gave them a weak smile in return, and beckoned to Mr. Weasley.

**…**

"Broomstick!" cried Sirius, childlike excitement radiating off of him like an aura.

**….**

"Good job," Tonks approved. "Never open a parcel or package without knowing what's in it. And if I were Mad-Eye, I would probably tell you to cast complicated detection spells that you don't know, but one: I don't think McGonagall would curse you, and two: I'm not as paranoid as he is."

Harry blinked in confusion. "If you were who?"

"Mad-Eye Moody is the most powerful Auror of all time, mate." Ron explained. “He's the guy who caught the Death Eaters—"

"Voldemort's followers," Remus interjected for Harry's benefit

"Yeah them," said Ron, flinching at the name. "He put tons of them in Azkaban, but he's retired now. And he's been in tons of duels with Dark wizards even lost some body parts, a chuck of his nose, and—"

Tonks held up her hand. "All right, I think Harry gets it, Ron. Anyway, he wears a glass eye where his right one used to be, hence the nickname."

"That is so cool!" Harry grinned.

Dumbledore chuckled. "You may tell him so when he takes the Defense Against the Dark Arts post this fall."

Mrs. Weasley paled. "Are you sure it's advisable to have Alastor around the children, Albus. He may scare them, particularly the younger years."

"The kids can learn plenty about Defense from him, dear," replied Arthur, signaling the end of the discussion by opening the book again.

**….**

"You're the best, Minnie!"

"I didn't know you could throw your voice," Harry mouthed to Remus while his godfather was recovering from a brutal Tap-Dancing Hex courtesy of the annoyed professor. The werewolf winked.

**….**

"I heard they were pretty big for a while," remarked Sirius. "Did it fly well?"

Harry nodded. "But it's got nothing on the Firebolt."

**…**

"It's not yours, you insolent brat," Arabella seethed at Draco.

….

"Oi, that's my broom," said Tonks.

"Sorry."

She shrugged. "S'okay, I need a new broom anyway," Her eyes started gleaming. "Hey, Siri, any chance of you getting your hands on another Firebolt?"

"I'll think about it," he chuckled.

"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! You're the best cousin ever!"

She came over to give him a hug, stretching over Harry and (to his embarrassment) Remus to reach.

"Get back in your seat, Miss Tonks," McGonagall ordered, "We have a book to read."

…

"And the 'Parent of the Year' goes jointly to Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy!" said Remus in faux-celebration, while the entire Weasley family went red with humiliation and anger.

"Don't listen to him," advised Harry. "He's just one of those gits who likes to build himself up by making others feel bad."

Arthur inclined his head in thanks and continued.

**…**

"Now that I think about it that must have been a burn for him." Hermione chuckled.

Arthur opened his mouth to say something, then closed it, remembering that the boys had not been speaking to, or even friendly with Hermione at this point, so it was not astounding that she had not heard this firsthand.

…

This put most of the room in stitches, the exception being the Weasley parents and the two professors.

…

"What did the Nimbus ever do to you?" Fred wanted to know, putting his hand to his heart as if mortally offended.

….

"Can't say I blame you," remarked Ginny,

**….**

Molly. Remus and Minerva looked slightly disapproving.

**…**

The diehard Quidditch fans sighed in admiration. "She sounds amazing," remarked Sirius

"She was brilliant."

" _It_ was a broom," Hermione pointed out.

**….**

Hermione smiled. "They do kind of look like bubble sticks, now that I think about it."

**…**

"Show-off," Tonks joked lightly. Harry blew a raspberry at her.

**…**

"Those were the days weren't they?" George sighed wistfully.

"It's certainly a change," commented Remus. "When I was teaching you guys were out there seven days a week,"

Sirius whistled. "Was your captain nuts?"

"Basically," the Beaters and Seeker chorused.

**…**

"Follow you where, Oliver?" Fred inquired with an innocent look, which clearly did not work on Ginny because she rolled eyes and hit him lightly on the arm.

"Lame."

**….**

Harry chuckled at Mr. Weasley, who looked disappointed that there would not be an explanation. "It's a Muggle sport. Hermione or I will tell you about it later."

**….**

Ron turned red. He was thinking of trying out for the now vacant position of Gryffindor Keeper, but he didn't dare say this in front of Fred and George.

**….**

Mr. Weasley's eyes lit up with delight, "This baseball is another sport, is it? I'm learning so much from these books, Harry."

**…**

"That's my boy" Sirius grinned. "You'd have make a decent Beater too,"

**…**

"Funny, I thought it was the Beater's job to break a Slytherin's nose?" chimed Sirius.

"That was your mission and yours alone, Mr. Black." Dumbledore reminded him.

"Regulus deserved it!"

"Who's—?" But Harry stopped when he caught Remus's subtle shake of the head, which also signaled Arthur to keep reading.

**…**

"Um, mate, I've heard your "offhand" voice," Ron chuckled.

"Shut up," Harry grinned.

…

"Thank you, thank you!"

"You are far too kind!"

"Sit down," "Molly ordered cutting into the twins' exaggerated bows, "and let your father read!"

**….**

"No pressure or anything," laughed Tonks.

**…**

"Wood clearly has a way of reassuring people," Ginny snickered.

**…**

"God, that sounds amazing," Harry sighed. "Maybe this years Cup will be like that!"

"Depends on the teams," replied Fred. "Bulgaria is already through. If Ireland beats Peru in the coming semis, it should be a good final."

"If not?" asked Harry.

"Krum—he's the Bulgarian Seeker—well catch the Snitch before the Peruvian guy knows what hit him!" George enthused.

"As interesting as this discussion is…"

Sirius laughed. "Oh, come on, Minerva. You are the biggest Quidditch nut of us all, and you know it. If you weren't you wouldn't have let Harry on the team" McGonagall turned away to hide the fact that her lips were twitching.

**….**

"Did you win the Cup?" cried Sirius excitedly.

"You'll just have to find out," Harry replied.

**…**

"I should hope so!" Arabella scoffed. "Not that that task proves very difficult!"

**…**

Ron's head shot up. "By the way, is anybody else as hungry as I am?"

"I doubt it," giggled Hermione just as Sirius raised his hand, "and I clearly stand corrected."

“This is Ron we're talking about here" Harry reminded her chuckling. "Hey, Lulu?"

The house-elf appeared in front of him. "Harry Sir be calling?"

"Uh, yeah, Ron and Sirius were just wondering when lunch would be ready."

"Lulu be serving it in two chapters time, sir. Would Wheezy and Master Padfoot be liking a snack while they wait?"

"Yes please!"

"No thank you, Lulu," Molly replied. "The waiting won't harm them. That will be all." The elf bowed and disappeared.

"Mum I was hungry!" Ron whined.

"I've been answering for myself since I was almost two," Sirius added angrily. "And where do get off ordering Lulu around like that? She's Harry's elf!"

"Uh, I'm not exactly comfortable with seeing another being as my property," Harry pointed out sheepishly.

"We know that, cub," Remus whispered. "What Sirius meant is that Lulu's services go first and foremost to you, not to Molly."

"I wasn't ordering her around, and stand by what I said: Your stomachs can wait. Furthermore, the more we bicker the longer these two chapters are you to take. Arthur!"

**…**

"Why didn't you want to partner with Neville?" Remus asked a mite sternly.

Harry shrugged.

**…**

"You should've just let that go," Tonks advised. "After all it was only a broomstick. And it was very special to Harry."

**…**

"See, Book Harry agreed with me," Ron huffed good-naturedly. "And he was teamed with Seamus."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Well, you aren't a pyromaniac, I'll give you that."

"Thank you."

**…**

"Well, at least we know those hats are good for something," laughed Minerva.

**…**

"I'm sorry, that wasn't exactly helpful."

"No, it wasn't."

**…**

"That's not going to make him feel any better," Ginny predicted.

**…**

"RONALD!" Molly shrieked reminding Harry quite vividly of the Howler from second year. "How could you say something so _rude?"_

McGonagall lips were pressed together in a thin line. "You are quite lucky neither I, nor another professor heard that at the time, Mr. Weasley, it would have been a detention."

"Yes, ma'am."

**…**

"Is that all you have to say, Harry," Arabella whispered. "You knew what it felt like for the other children to watch that wretched Dursley boy pick on you and do nothing about it, didn't you?"

"Ella!" Sirius shouted.

"And yet, here you stand, watching this girl cry and saying nothing."

"Now wait a minute, that's not on! Harry is nothing like those kids! How dare you compare my godson to those brats, Ella Figg!"

"She didn't," Harry protested, "She's only saying I should have done more to defend Hermione, and she's right. I'm sorry," he apologized squeezing her shoulder.

"I'm sorry too, Hermione."

"Don't be, you've more than made up for it. Keep reading, Mr. Weasley."

**…**

"Blimey," Ron whispered. "Did you hear that part, too?"

Hermione nodded, looking as though it pained her to do so because the boys already felt so guilty.

**…**

Tonks glanced at the girl sympathetically.

**…**

"What's the matter?" asked the Marauders fearfully, and neither the pale faces of the professors, nor the low growls of the trio reassured them.

**…**

Remus rubbed his temples vigorously. "Okay," He took a deep breath. "Okay, someone _please_ tell me I heard wrong and there is not a freaking _troll_ at school!"

"That is unfortunately the case," McGonagall replied.

**…**

"And this is the bloke who's supposed to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts?" Tonks scoffed. "Merlin, help us all."

**….**

Ginny felt her eyebrows disappear as they blended with her hairline. "And how is a prefect badge going to stop the troll from eating him?"

" _Ginny!"_ her mother groaned.

"That's ogres," Fred reminded her,

"It's both," breathed Remus, "and normally I would be impressed by your knowledge of Dark creatures, but—"

"SHUT UP!" screeched Molly and Arabella, the latter looking immediately contrite.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Remus," she said as the werewolf massaged his ear.

**…**

"Even Peeves knows where to draw the line," Sirius remarked.

**…**

"Oh, my God!" Tonks cried. "You'll still in the bathroom!"

**…**

"Why not," Arthur questioned frantically. "If you had told him he could've informed a professor."

**….**

"Why the hell is he there and not heading toward the dungeons with the other teachers?" Sirius growled.

**…**

"I'm too much like you for my own good, you know?" Harry quipped trying to put his godfather at ease.

**….**

"Lovely." Arabella 's voice dripped with disgust while Ginny, Molly, and Tonks wrinkled their noses.

**…**

"Troll," George squeaked, "b—but it's s—supposed to be in the dungeons!"

"Not anymore, bro, and you're starting to sound like Quirrell."

No one laughed, or blinked for that matter, all eyes were fixed on the book in Arthur's hands.

**…**

The boys each put in arm around Hermione, who was shivering.

"Hermione," Remus called, "are you all right?"

She shook her head anxiously.

**…**

"I think not, Mr. Weasley," said Dumbledore gravely, "I doubt a visit from a troll would brighten Miss Granger's day."

"You think this is _funny_?" hissed Arthur dangerously. Sirius was getting angrier and more frazzled by the second. A Cerberus and now a troll, how much trouble did Harry and his friends have to get into before Dumbledore would admit he was in the wrong?

**…**

"Thanks for noticing," said Hermione dryly.

**…**

"You do realize that this version of the tale is far different from the one I was told," McGonagall observed.

The Trio hung their heads.

**…**

"No, Harry, that will only make it—"

**…**

"—head towards you!" Sirius finished, all color draining from his face as he held tightly to his godson.

"Sirius, my circulation!"

"You can have it back when I know you're okay!"

"I'm here, aren't I?"

Remus took a breath through his gritted teeth. "That's not the point, Harry."

**…**

"Move, move, move!" the twins chanted, their voices full of thinly veiled panic.

**….**

"Why aren't you running?" Ginny yelled.

"Run? I couldn't even move!"

**….**

"Ronnie!"

**….**

"I'm more concerned about the stupid part right now!" replied Remus, grabbing a hold of Harry's free wrist.

**…**

"Okay, yes, I call that stupid," Fred agreed.

"And more than moderately disgusting," George added.

**…**

"Ron, you don't know that spell!" Ginny reminded him, biting down hard on her thumbnail.

**…**

"Well done, Mr. Weasley," praised Dumbledore.

"Dumb luck is more like it," muttered Minerva as the Weasley matriarch sighed in relief.

**….**

"The one good thing about being a Squib," moaned Arabella, looking sickened, "is that—were it not for these books—I could've gone my whole life without knowing the consistency of troll boogers."

Most of the room smiled, good humor beginning to return now that everyone knew the trio was out of immediate danger.

**…**

"So they managed to revive the glorious Defense teacher," observed Tonks, "too bad the job's already done."

**…**

"Well, what did you except?" snapped McGonagall, "three cheers?"

**…**

"Because this git," Ginny jabbed a finger in the direction of her closest brother, "had to go and make Hermione cry!"

**…**

As he was doing now.

**….**

"I am quite surprised myself, Miss Granger," chuckled Dumbledore, while Minerva gave her Gryffindor a stern look.

**…**

"You were very foolish that day," whispered Remus, in a more disappointed voice than even Sirius had ever heard him use, "cub, I know you don't trust Snape—"

"He hates me, Remus, and neither of you have told me why, by the way."

"—but you should have flagged him down when you had the chance. This situation could have made a sharp turn for the worse very quickly, and if it had I'm almost certain the three of you would not be sitting with us today,"

"Yes, sir," all three whispered. This was certainly new territory for Harry, who found himself wishing he had died in the bathroom, if always so he wouldn't have had to experience the overwhelming feeling of guilt for putting such heavy sadness in his former professor's tone. The Dursleys had never been disappointed with him, but then again why should they care whether he lived or died.

**…**

"That'll be the day," Sirius snorted. He recognized the emotion in his godson's clouded eyes. He too had been shocked when James, Remus and _the rat_ insisted he was worth caring about.

**…**

"You should at least send the three to the hospital wing!" Molly fretted. "And why weren't Arthur and I informed that our eleven-year-old son had had this little _adventure_?"

"We felt no need since it had already been dealt with."

**…**

"Not even a detention! How is it you get all the luck?" Fred whined.

**…**

"Five," Ginny corrected. "She took five from Hermione."

**…**

"Or if she hadn't been insulted in the first place," Tonks pointed out, glaring at Ron.

**…**

"That's true," Arthur conceded, "but I would've preferred you went the old-fashioned way and introduced yourself. Oh, and Albus, I want you to know I will lodge a formal complaint with the Hogwarts governors. You're handling of these situations was completely unacceptable!"


	12. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Molly reads Chapter 11

**“Chapter Eleven”** **read Molly.**

Arabella widened her eyes. "You're telling me your captain made you play in this weather?" she gasped

Harry nodded. "Quidditch is played in any weather really, and the season was about to start, so we had to train."

**….**

The players and enthusiasts at the Burrow whooped.

**….**

"Hold tight to your broom, then, pup," Sirius advised, "the Slytherins would've probably played dirty anyway, but with such high stakes, it's a given."

"I can guarantee that the Slytherins never have and never will manage to upset my broom."

"And now that you’re reassured, perhaps I can go more than two lines without being interrupted?" Molly grouched.

"Something's got her wand in a knot today, hasn't it?" Sirius whispered to the Trio; none of them could suppress their snorts.

**….**

"Ron’s fault," coughed Hermione.

“I only bragged a bit.”

**…**

McGonagall frowned. "I would have talked to him had I been aware that practice was interfering with the players' studying."

**….**

"Did that frighten you?" Ginny wondered.

"I was pretty nervous all ready," Harry admitted, "but I think the excitement of getting out there on the broom again trumped everything else."

**…**

"Horrendous influences," she joked, leaning back in her chair.

"You had it in you the whole time," Ron protested, laughing.

"So did Remus," Sirius said, "though he'll deny it with his last breath."

**…**

"I never asked you what spell you used," Harry realized.

"Oh, just _Lacarnum Infamare_ , that's all."

Arthur whistled. "Two months at school, and you were doing second year spells?"

**…**

"What the hell?" inquired Sirius. "Was he limping when you saw him last?"

"I don't think he was," said Tonks, "if he had been why would Harry only just notice?"

"Preoccupation?"

**…**

The twins gaped at Harry. "Are you telling us you don't have a convincing innocent look?"

"Not at all," Arabella chuckled, making Harry pout.

"Hey, my innocent look isn't that bad!"

"All can be improved, my dear godson. Don't worry I'll teach you."

"Remus should teach him."

"Minnie. I'm wounded! And since when did you approve of the idea?"

"I don't," McGonagall replied in a long-suffering tone. "But you are his guardian—his guardian who could never look innocent if it saved your life. If he is going to learn, he might as well be convincing."

"Cool, will you teach me?"

"Later," Remus grinned.

**…**

"What kind of rule is that?" Fred yelled indignantly.

"It isn't one," Dumbledore responded.

**…**

Molly's jaw dropped as she read this line. "Ronald Weasley, I thought your father and I had raised you better than some of the comments you are making in this book."

"Whatever." Ron mumbled.

**…**

"Loophole," the twins cheered making Hermione roll her eyes.

**…**

"Scared?" Sirius laughed. "There is no reason for you to be scared of that vindictive prat."

**…**

"I would've requested it be returned to you," nodded McGonagall

**…**

"Okay, pup, tell me exactly how horrible we're talking, because I don't think I can take another surprise."

**…**

"Anyone in need of a memory charm to forget that little detail, line up!" Tonks called, her hair a shade of green. Sirius, Remus, Harry, Hermione, Arabella and the Weasley children clamored forward. "Okay, I wasn't being ser…literal."

"We were!" chorused the twins as everyone returned to their seats, while Sirius pouted at being denied his favorite pun. Molly huffed and continued reading.

**…**

"Well, what was he doing down there, anyway?" asked Arabella "Playing fetch with that monster?"

At the word "fetch" Sirius transformed, and ran to the back door of the Burrow. "Restless, are we?" Remus chuckled. "Go on, have a romp in the orchard."

Sirius barked joyfully, bounding out the door (which was open to admit the summer breeze) and running to wrestle the abandoned Quaffle. Laughing one last time at his godfather's antics. Harry turned back to Mrs. Weasley and the book.

**…**

"Merlin, someone's touchy!" Ginny giggled.

**…**

"Without going into so much detail," said Ron, "and for that we are grateful."

**…**

"What would Severus want with something like that?" Molly asked, her brow furrowed.

"He certainly has a way of making himself seem suspicious, doesn't he?" mused Tonks, shrugging.

**…**

"Aw man, I could've had a Nimbus!" Ron groaned.

"You're welcome to retrieve it, mate."

"Retrieve it from where, exactly?" questioned Molly. The Trio and Remus exchanged uncomfortable looks. "I'm not reading on until I get an answer."

"You'll see," Ron replied.

"That's not a proper answer."

"But I have a feeling it's all we're getting for now," sighed her husband tiredly. "And now, I too am hungry, so please read, dear."

**…**

"I do not think that!" Hermione huffed.

**…**

"Yes go to sleep," Arabella nodded

**…**

"No," agreed Remus,  “I don't imagine it would be easy."

**…**

"James was neither hungry before a Quidditch game either," Remus smiled, "nor did he eat if he was extremely upset."

"Harry's like that, too," said Hermione before he could clamp a hand over her mouth. Remus seemed worried by this, but decided he would wait until Sirius was back—and in human form—to address it.

**…**

"Mr. Finnigan is quite the reassuring chap," said Dumbledore smiling.

**….**

"Should someone call Sirius in so he could hear the game?" Ginny asked looked out at the orchard where the animagus had been playing in dog form for the last ten minutes.

Harry nodded giving a long, low whistle, and calling "Quidditch game!"

Sirius transformed and came back in.

"Have fun?" Remus inquired.

"It was brilliant!" he crowed, "best I've felt in months, and probably years!"

Harry—and anyone who could be bothered with the smallest glance in his godfather's direction—knew the answer, but he broke into a wide grin when he heard it expressed. It was nothing more than Sirius deserved after all those years in Azkaban.

**…**

"Whatever became of Scabbers anyway?" asked Arthur. "I don't remember you having him with you came home this summer, but you had that owl."

"Eaten," Ron muttered, The explanation seemed to satisfy the Weasleys enough for Molly to keep reading.

**…**

"That was sweet of you to make him a sign," remarked Arabella.

"It really did help," Harry grinned.

"I'm glad," Hermione replied, patting his hand.

**…**

"You'd think he'd change the speech up a bit," Harry pondered. "Creature of habit, I suppose."

**…**

"With pup on the team, I don't doubt that." Harry felt his heart warm at his godfather's praise.

**…**

"Can you imagine all of the dawn practices we would've had?" Fred grimaced. "I would have been right ugly from lack of beauty sleep."

Hermione and Ginny rolled their eyes at him.

**…**

"Fair? Hooch is being very optimistic considering the lions are playing the snakes."

**…**

Arthur furrowed his brow, thinking hard. "Flint…the name sounds familiar. I believe they were known for a few experiences in er…cross-species breeding."

"That's just sick!" declared Tonks. "Who would want to be related to a flipping troll?"

**…**

The Trio smiled at each other.

**…**

"This guy is awesome!" Sirius laughed.

Harry shook his head in amusement. He had been too focused on the game to listen to Lee's commentary the first time around.

**…**

“Ah,” Remus nodded in understanding. “That’s Lee Jordan, hangs around with these two.”

**…**

"Reminiscent of my time policing you, Mr. Lupin."

"Really?" Ron asked.

"Yeah, I commentated. Loved doing the Gryffindor games, mostly so I could throw a few embarrassing comments James and Sirius's way for all the pranks they pulled on me when they were bored."

Sirius jumped out of his seat in mock-outrage. "I knew you did that on purpose, I knew it! And Lily thought you were all _innocent!"_

Harry snorted, causing Remus and Sirius to exchange mischievous glances above his head.

**…**

"Was Katie okay?" fretted Arabella, eyes wide.

The twins nodded.

**…**

"Yes, go Angelina!" Ron, Ginny, Sirius, and Tonks shouted.

**…**

"Hagrid’s right. Always better live," Ginny agreed.

**…**

"Oi, Hagrid" said Harry, crossing his arms and pouting playfully at the book.

**…**

"We don't him 'attacked' at all!" said McGonagall sternly.

**…**

"Everybody saw that," Hermione giggled. "All the Gryffindors were hoping we would score again, just to see what else you would do."

**…**

"That's why you never wear gold to a Quidditch game," groaned Sirius.

**…**

"Idiot."

…

"They do realize they all have jobs to do as well?" Remus questioned.

**…**

"That's not funny!" Sirius hissed.

Molly Weasley looked affronted. "Why on earth would I joke about something like that?"

"That was a foul, that's what it was!" Tonks screeched.

**…**

"Thank you!" huffed Ginny. “At least the people in the stands realize!”

**….**

"Which was Flint’s intention, I'm sure," spat Tonks.

**…**

"Right in front of McGonagall, too. Lee is brave."

"Oh, honestly, Miss Weasley, you make me sound like one of your brother's dragons.

**…**

"Flint again!" Sirius growled. "Ask for a time-out Harry, an inquiry."

**…**

"It can't be Flint, he's a kid," Tonks retorted. "No sixth year knows enough Dark magic to do that to a broomstick. You really need an inquiry, Harry."

"D—Dark magic?" Remus stammered. "Harry, what's happening? Who's jinxing your broom?"

Harry did not hear the werewolf, he was too busy thinking of ways to try and prevent his godfather and uncle from killing Snape before the book was over.

**…**

"Unseated?" Molly mouthed as though trying to make sure she had read correctly.

**…**

"And where were you two?" Ginny screamed, thwacking her twin brothers on the head.

"We…" But George looked down too ashamed to finish the sentence; neither twin had noticed what was going on until much later.

**…**

"He’s doing the bloody ballet, Hagrid!" McGonagall snapped.

**…**

Soon Harry found himself on Sirius's lap, his face in the robes of the two men beside him. "Um, mates," he called, but Molly was reading at a frenzied pace.

**…**

"SNAPE!" Remus bellowed. "BLOODY HELL!"

"Listen to me, you greasy-haired son of a bitch, you will pay for trying to murder my godson OVER A SCHOOLBOY GRUDGE!"

"IT WASN'T HIM!" Harry cried finally freeing himself from the folds of fabric, He took a few calming breaths "You don't understand! Snape was trying to help me, _trying to save me!"_

"Save you," Sirius repeated, his grip on Harry loosening considerably. After waiting a few minutes to make sure the canines were completely calm, Harry went back to his own seat.

**…**

"Hermione, dear," breathed Molly as though she were measuring her words carefully, "You are very bright and immensely talented, but you were a first year."

"Oho, she does the job, Mum, believe me!" As Ron was struggling to keep from laughing, Minerva's eyes lit in recognition.

"Miss Granger!" she scolded.

**…**

**"Thank you," said Harry and the Marauders as one.**

Fred and George nodded.

**…**

"I'm sorry for hitting you both," Ginny murmured.

They nodded again.

**….**

"Cheating snakes," Tonks muttered.

**…**

For a moment there was utter silence as they all stared, with shocked mouths agape, at the sheepish witch

"That…that…" Molly stuttered

"So that was you, Miss Granger?" asked Dumbledore

Hermione nodded, looking slightly scared of what the headmaster might do to her, but unlike those of Mrs. Weasley, his eyes were holding only the triumph of a solved mystery.

"You would light a teacher on fire for me, Mione?" Harry said, wiping a faux tear off of his cheek.

"Don't be a prat, of course I would." A light smile played on Hermione's lips.

"And clearly she did," Sirius hooted, on arm across his heaving chest, while he used the other to thump his equally hysterical fellow Marauder on the back. "Moony was right, Hermione, you are most amazing witch of your age!"

Remus sucked a lungful of air. "Actually, I said 'brightest' originally, but I think 'amazing' fits this situation nicely."

"We'd sign off on that," agreed Fred pointing between himself and George. "Setting him on fire! Bloody genius, Hermione!"

"I wouldn't go that far," Molly disputed sending a reproving look her son's way, "but as long as Harry is safely back on his broom."

"What do you mean 'as long as'" Sirius questioned. "Harry's the only thing I care about at the moment, and if Snape’s robes got a tad bit singed, well then boo-hoo."

**…**

" Snape never had a clue, and that's partly why it's so brilliant!" George laughed.

**…**

Breaths of "Thank Merlin" sounded as the room was reassured the Book Harry was safe.

**….**

Everyone was now looking and Harry with varying degrees of surprise. Remus and the twins whistled, Arabella, Arthur, and Sirius were cheering, and Tonks's jaw had dropped to the ground.

"You sicked up the Snitch!" Ginny gasped, "I can't believe I never heard about this!"

**….**

"Pup, that was a spectacular catch, you should be celebrating!"

…

"Oh, all right then. Tea’s good too."

**…**

"The same eye contact applies for counter-curses," Remus reminded them smiling.

**…**

"Now those are the animals you have to look out for," Ron warned Mrs. Figg solemnly. "The ones with the cute names."

**…**

"Oh, Hagrid," Arthur groaned, rubbing his bald patch.

**…**

"Stop talking now, Hagrid!" McGonagall ordered.

**…**

"Yes, but if you remember, Hagrid, he's also a lovely little De—"

"Sirius!" said Dumbledore sharply, "please continue Molly."

**…**

"Welcome to our side, Hermione," Sirius laughed bitterly.

**…**

"Wow," observed Tonks, "It's not easy to get Hagrid mad."

**…**

"There, now you've done it!" Molly snapped. "They know too much about that blasted Stone as it is!"

"He just gave them a name, Molly, " Tonks tried to reassure the woman. "It'll take ages for them to look up the name's meaning. Even I can't remember where I've heard it before."

"I can," gloated Remus.

"Shhh!" Harry cautioned, putting his hand over the ex-professor's mouth.

The room eyed the raven-haired teen suspiciously. 

 


	13. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group has lunch, and Minerva reads Chapter Twelve

 As Molly shut the book Lulu appeared once again. "Lunch be ready, Harry Sir. Lulu be bringing it to Mrs. Molly's garden for after sirs and misses is done reading.”

“Er…thanks, Lulu, we’ll have it now, if you don’t mind?"

“Lulu not be minding at all, sir.”

“Then by all means,” said Arthur smiling, “to the garden everyone.” They all followed their host out into the sunny yard, chattering about what they had read so far. All that is, except Harry.

“Pup, are you all right?” The teen looked up from plating his meal to see both Sirius and Remus watching him with worried expressions.

“Yeah,” he answered with a stiff nod. “Do you guys mind if I eat with Ron and Hermione?”

Sirius tried not to let his face fall, he had been hoping to use this time to regale Harry with stories of James, the Marauders, and their schooldays, but, feeling his godson’s gaze, he quickly relaxed his face. “Go on, Remus and I are here if you need us, okay?”

Harry nodded, and jogged off toward Ron and Hermione, who had settled in the shade of a large tree.  
Ron caught his best friend’s frown out of the corner of his eye. “What’s the matter, mate?”

“Christmas,” Harry replied, “First year.”

“What's wrong?” inquired Hermione who, because of the boys’ mutual silence agreement, had never heard the story in full. By the time they had finished, Hermione was looking into her lap. “Oh Harry…well maybe it won’t be in the book.”

Harry knew his friend was trying to make him feel better, but her attempt fell flat. “Everything else is in there, this will be too.”

“Fred passed his Transfiguration O.W.L,” cried Ron with the air of someone making a great discovery. “He can Vanish the chapter for us, and no one would know the difference.”

“I don’t think that would work, Ron,” Hermione sighed, and the grin that was starting to reappear on Harry’s face slid off again. “If Harry’s older self sent the books then—knowing how his younger self thinks—he’d have put an Anti-Concealment Charm on them. I know how to check for one.”

“But we aren’t allowed to do magic in the summertime,” Harry pointed out. “Come to think of it, why isn’t the Ministry swooping down on us for that Summoning Charm you did yesterday, Hermione?”

It was Ron who answered. “The Burrow’s a magical house, so the Ministry assumes that it’s Mum or Dad that is doing the magic, and don’t bother us much. What I want to know is how you can Summon in the first place?”

“I went to the library after exams,” she responded, “to read up on Charms theory. And it wouldn’t kill the two of you to get ahead on next year too.”

“If we’re going to check for spells, we better do before the adults miss us,” said Harry quickly because Ron looked thoroughly nauseated at the mere prospect of her suggestion.

“Oh, yes, you’re right,” said Hermione quickly and they headed for the house.

“Where do you suppose they’re going?” asked Sirius watching the three teen’s retreating backs.

“My guess would be that Ron and Hermione want to talk to him about what we’ve read,” Remus answered, his gaze travelling to Harry’s barely touched meal.

“Merlin, he hasn’t touched a thing!” Sirius gasped.

Remus nodded. “While you were outside, Hermione let slip let Harry’s eating habits are rather like James’s; he doesn’t eat much when he’s nervous or…

“Or upset,” Sirius finished, looking directly into the melancholy face of his approaching godson

“What’s all this?” Tonks asked, staring slightly bug-eyed at the tower of cushions balanced on the hassocks Hermione and Ron were carrying.

“Lulu reckons we ought to start reading out here,” Harry muttered grouchily.

“A brilliant idea on such a lovely day,” Dumbledore agreed.

“Apparently more guests are coming during the upcoming books and we eventually won’t be able to all fit in the kitchen,” Ron explained further.

“ _More_!” Molly mouthed silently obviously wondering if she would be expected to board them all, but she was ignored as Hermione handed the first book to Professor McGonagall, so that she could read chapter twelve

**…**

“Cheers young ones,” Remus laughed

“Good times,” sighed Fred, “Quirrell was too scared to come near us again until spring. Even after Flitwick gave us those detentions.”

**…**

“It’s like that every year,” recalled Arthur fondly. “Christmas is in the air.”

**…**

“I will never understand why that man insists on keeping his classroom so cold,” Tonks remarked shivering vicariously.

“It has to do with the potions,” Dumbledore replied. “Many of them will not work properly if are not at the correct brewing temperature.”

**….**

“You don’t need to feel sorry for me,” Harry scoffed. “Christmas at Hogwarts is the best!”

**…**

Remus patted him on the back. “Well done, don’t rise.”

**…**

“My sides are splitting from Malfoy’s hilarity,” George deadpanned.

**…**

“The dragon reserve was so awesome,” said Ginny smiling.

**…**

“But it was kind of you to offer, Ronnie,” said Molly proudly.

**…**

“That child is the worst brat to ever grace the green earth!” Arabella declared hotly. “Taunting these children about their families, how dare he?”

**…**

“Snape! Abort, abort!” the twins cried.

**…**

“Good ole Hagrid,” mused Tonks.

**….**

“Professor, couldn’t you have done something?” Ginny asked.

“Unfortunately it was valid,” McGonagall replied, “however I would have taken points from Mr. Malfoy as well.”

**…**

“Don’t blame you there, pup,” Sirius muttered.

**….**

“The Hall always looks nice,” sighed Remus, who had spent every holiday at Hogwarts, since his father died in November of his fourth year.

**….**

“Sounds beautiful,” sighed Arabella wistfully.

“It really is,” said Harry.

**…**

**…**

“Good girl,” said Molly approvingly. “Encourage them to get their holiday work done early.”

Remus rolled his eyes. Somehow he doubted that this little excursion had anything to do with essays.

**…**

“You’re agreeing with this?” George gasped. “Where have we gone wrong?”

**….**

“At least Hagrid has his priorities straight,” said Fred in relief.

**…**

“You’re forgiven,” the twins and Sirius said at the same time.

**…**

“Excellent effort, pup,” Sirius remarked. “And knowing Hagrid, there’s an outside chance he would have slipped.

“I had to try.”

…

“Good!” snapped Molly. “Keep your mouth shut!”

“Unfortunately that will make them even more curious,” sighed McGonagall. “They’ll want to find out for themselves.”

**…**

“That’s a bit of a problem if you don’t know where to look.” Tonks agreed.

**…**

“Ah,” Dumbledore chuckled, “but Nicolas is far from recent.”

**…**

“Sometimes randomness is a decent system,” said Sirius, earning what was obviously not going to be his last glare from Molly.

**….**

“Not this year anyway,” whispered Hermione.

**….**

“That thing’s evil,” declared Fred wincing.

“How would you know?” asked George looking accusingly at his brother.

“Detention dusting books.”

**…**

“Good plan,” agreed Arthur causing his wife to him, “but you er, shouldn’t need a plan in the first place,” he added quickly.

…

“Without Madam Pince knowing. How are you going to manage that?” asked the curious Tonks.

**…**

“That’ll happen,” giggled Ginny

….

Molly groaned, while the twins turned an appraising gaze on their little brother. They had always planned on grooming Ginny into a pranking protégée, but perhaps Ron too had a future. They would have to quiz him on these plans for Malfoy.

**…**

“Chess is a barbaric game in this world,” said Hermione in an undertone.

**…**

“What obnoxious pieces,” commented Sirius laughing.

**…**

A tense, melancholy silence greeted that statement. He never had presents?

**…**

The redhead looked down ashamed. “I should’ve known right then.”

“You couldn’t have,” Ginny reassured him softly.

**…**

Hermione snarled.

**…**

“Friendlier than I expected from that lot,” murmured Arabella.

**….**

“Yes,” growled Hermione. “But it’s worth next to nothing in the Muggle world.”

**…**

“Do you still have it, son?” asked Arthur excitedly.

“In my trunk,” Ron replied.

**…**

“Thank you,” Harry whispered, but Molly waved him off with a smile.

**...**

Remus’s grin widened. ”You can never go wrong with chocolate.”

**…**

Dumbledore nodded. Invisibility Cloaks were very valuable in their own right, but James’s Potter’s was priceless.

**…**

The twins were looking at Harry with jealousy.

**…**

“That was a weird feeling at first,” Harry admitted.

**…**

“And why would you have James’s cloak when it should have been in the Potter vault?” Sirius demanded.

“Call it academic curiosity,” Dumbledore replied.

**…**

“That it did,” the Marauders nodded, sad that Harry was receiving his first family as late as eleven.

**…**

“And in case you were wondering, we did wear the right ones,” Fred informed them.

“I don’t believe you,” said Ginny shrewdly.

“Actually, they were,” replied Harry, “because no one expected them to.”

**…**

“That’s not true!” protested Molly. “I make an equal effort for all of my children.”

**…**

“Oh my,” said the matriarch looking crestfallen. “What color is your favorite, Ronnie?”

“I like gold,” he replied, “And maybe a Gryffindor lion on the front?’

Molly nodded. “That sounds lovely, I’ll try to remember.”

**…**

“Disapproving of fun?” questioned Arabella.

“My middle son is slightly high-strung,” Arthur replied.

**…**

Molly gave a nod of approval, which—although Harry didn’t say so—he found rather hypocritical of her, considering she had spent that particular holiday away from the majority of her own kin.

**….**

“Those Muggle things aren’t crackers,” said Ron looking scandalized.

**….**

Most in the garden did not bother to contain their laughter at his choice of hats.

**…**

“Ooh, are we a little tipsy, Minerva?” Sirius teased.

**….**

"Would this be the same wart kit that mysteriously found its way to Dudley Dursley?” Figg asked. Sirius thumped his godson on the back.

**…**

“Never listen to Percy when it comes to chess,” Ginny advised.

**…**

“You just wait until I’m freed, pup, then Moony and I will give you the best Christmas of your life!”

**…**

“It is,” agreed Tonks. “I’ve worn a Cloak in training,” she said in answer to McGonagall and Molly’s questioning looks.

**_…_ **

The twins sat back on their heels in excitement, wondering which kind of mischief Harry would make on his first time pranking.

**…**

“I get that, mate. Since it belonged to your dad.”

**…**

"Pranking Slytherins!" the twins suggested

**….**

“ The library? That’s where you decide to go?” asked Fred in horror. “Harry, Harry, Harry.”

The teen in question was strongly reminded of Lockhart, and had to fight hard not to grit his teeth.

**…**

“You might want to watch out for that,” Remus cautioned, “ Floating lamps could look strange to passerby.”

McGonagall trained her eyes on the werewolf. “Would you happen to be speaking from experience, Lupin?” Remus blushed and didn’t answer.

…

“Don’t touch that!” cautioned Sirius, his eyes narrowed. “It very well _could_ be blood.”

**…**

“Ah, the Night Charm has activated.”

“Meaning?” prompted Arthur.

Dumbledore chuckled. “Suffice it to say that any book Harry opens will not take kindly to his presence.”

**…**

“And will continue to sing until a staff member is alerted,” the headmaster informed them

**…**

“Thank Merlin,” said Tonks who had been holding her breath.

**…**

 

“Oh dear,” whispered Arabella, hoping he would not come into contact with another Cerberus, or something worse.

**…**

“There are suits of armor all over the school.”

**...**

“He knows a few passages,” Sirius admitted.

**…**

“You learned that solidity lesson a lot earlier than your godfather here,” Remus joked to Harry

**….**

“Safe.”

**…**

“And Harry just happens to find the mirror, sounds a little fishy to me,” declared Tonks, and Minerva had to agree with her.

**…**

“That can’t be English,” said Ginny

“It’s not French, Latin, or Greek either,” Sirius replied.

**…**

“Didn’t he just say the room was empty,” asked Tonks.

**…**

Harry hung his head. “I think I’ll go climb, all right.”

Sirius nodded in acknowledgment. “Do you want me or Moony to go with you?”

Harry shook his head. “That poor child,” hummed Molly, as she watched retreat, his shoulders hunched. “Maybe I should…”

“No, Mum,” said George quietly, “Give him a minute.”

**…**

“People in the mirror, but how it that possible?” Arthur wanted to know.

**…**

"It can’t be,” whispered Minerva. “Lily?”

**…**

"Prongs," the Marauders mouthed.

**…**

“I show not your face, but your heart’s desire,” Remus mused quietly. “Of course.”

**…**

“That’s so sad.” Tonks was so quiet it was almost as if she hadn’t spoken at all.

“It shouldn’t have been that way,” mouthed Sirius, “it should never have been that way.”

**….**

“Longing,” Hermione defined sadly.

**…**

“Please don’t come back,” Sirius pleaded.

**….**

Arthur shook his head. “I don’t think it works that way, son.”

**…**

“I cannot believe you just said that to Harry!” Hermione cried, outraged. Arthur and Molly were glaring.

**…**

“Odd? You don’t say,” Fred snarked shaking his head at his tactless brother.

**….**

“Listen to Ron, dear,” Arabella begged.

…

“I doubt family is Mr. Weasley’s desire,” replied Dumbledore.

**…**

“Why would you want to be Head Boy?” asked Ginny bluntly.

**….**

“Quidditch Captain’s more like it.” said the twins, wiping their brows.

**…**

Tonks face palmed. “ Oh my God, Ron! You may want to shut your mouth now!”

**…**

“Don’t fight!” Hermione wailed. “Get out of there.”

**…**

Sirius cursed. “You really need to get out of there.”

**…**

“She’s probably gone for Filch,” Remus realized.

**…**

“I don’t think being beaten at chess is going to cheer him up,” Ginny remarked.

**…**

“That’s when I knew he was really depressed,” remarked Ron. “He loves going to see Hagrid.”

**….**

“And what is ‘sounding like me’ supposed to mean?” Hermione pouted.

“Er…nothing,” Ron answered tentatively.

**…**

“I hope somebody stops him,” said Tonks fervently.

“Somebody does,” came a timid whisper from behind Sirius and Remus

**….**

" Finally, an adult realized where you were. Thank Merlin,” Sirius breathed, hugging his godson to his side,

“It’s polite to share,” Remus pouted, prompting a slight smile from the still distraught Harry, who scooted so that he was in between the two.

**…**

“A common side effect of one’s own invisibility,” said Dumbledore, nodding.

**…**

“Oh, that thing’s delightful, all right,” said Molly sarcastically

**…**

"And you’re not the only one who likes to visit family on Christmas,” he added silently.

“You were there the whole time,” Minerva deduced, “why on earth didn’t you stop him?”

“Loss is a life lesson for everyone,” said Albus calmly.

“One of which, in case you haven’t noticed, Harry has already experienced more than his share.” Sirius snarled.

**….**

“Sort of,” replied Tonks. “That’s more than I would’ve gotten at eleven.”

**…**

The Weasleys parents bowed their heads. Was Ron really that insecure?”

**…**

“Which will only spark his curiosity,” Remus moaned.

**…**

The twins snorted. “ Socks? Really, sir?”

…


End file.
